is it a crime?

Tuesday, July 1, 2008
i cannot help the way i feel. i wish i could but i can't. my heart is broken. not in a "oh, i'm so sad"-way, but more like a "get your brakes fixed"-way. he's ok enough but i'm just not where he is. maybe certain circumstances are preventing me but i strongly believe that if everything was "ideal" i still would not be on that level.

 i don't even see that as a problem in itself but given that another human being is involved, it does bother me a little. i feel as if i might be leading him on. then again, maybe im not because i continue to reiterate my feelings or lack there of and he claims he understands and accepts that. he cannot change how he feels either. sometimes i wish he could. 

a big issue is i dont even know why he feels as strongly as he does. i guess i'm way too logical of a person these days rather than emotional as i was in days (read years) past. 1.) we have not known each other long 2.) even after having met we really did not spend time together until much, much later 3.) there is the age issue (among other life conflicts/incongruences) 4.) THIS is exactly what i don't want, right now and 5.) i most definitely do not want THIS

it is true that you always want what you don't have and when you get it, you don't want it anymore. 

3 thought(s):

T said...

"it is true that you always want what you don't have and when you get it, you don't want it anymore."

Yes to the first part, no to the second. I was talking this girl I know who's married and she was feenin' for the wild single life and I was feenin' for the boo-ed up life (not necessarily married though, LOL). I like being single though and she likes being married, so that's why I can't agree with the second part.

This is semi-horrible advice, but get a pint of Haagen Daaz and think it over. It always clears my mind! :)

Don said...

good post.

i don't think it's necessarily true that a person always wants what they don't have and vice versa. i think that's the 'typical standard.' which definitely doesn't define the ones who are not typical.

i feel you on the not wanting to wonder why did i get married.

Product Junkie Diva said...

Sometimes you want what you don't have but once you get it you don't want it anymore because you may realize it isn't what you really need. Just think things through and try to make the best decisions possible. You will know it's right when it's right.
Product Junkie Diva