bye!

yup i'm done. i didn't want to do a mellow dramatic post about shutting down the blog and blah blah blah but here i am. it's been like 4 years. im ready to move on. this blog started out as just my thoughts on anything no one actually asked my opinion on. ive seen it evolve into something else, something i am not happy with but am not sure how to change. i've also seen some awesome connections made as a result of having it. i want to thank all my readers for their constructive input. im glad for the love ive received from my readers, especially the ones i have been able to call "friend" (you know i dont like throwing that word around).

it's been a slightly neurotic rollercoaster but it doesn't end. you can still keep up w/ me (superficially) on my other blog and im on twitter. i'm available via email: invrtdreflection [at] gmail [dot] com. and some of you have my # and gchat. so yea, this vein is blocked but there are arteries and capillaries you can use to reach me. what the hell kind of magic school bus metaphor...? i need sleep. peace!

since you havent seen me in a while...

PICTURE!

why should I protect the innocent?

What do you think about...

"other" people getting "famous" for getting on Youtube and reciting songs by black artists? Is that really a talent? I know songs, too. First, it was Danny and now it's this Karmin chick. Yes, being able to rap as fast as Busta or Twista is a difficult feat but...*shrug* not impossible. I guess it's the same as other folks being part of cover bands. Again, that's something I don't get but at least they were an option for everyday folks who wanted a live performace but couldnt afford the artist. With these Youtube characters, they get on stage WITH the big name performers. Eh. Idk...shit's kinda weird. What do you think?

extreme stupidity

so this show, which i like to think of as neat hoarders, is showing me a new kind of crazy. i love a bargain as much as the next chick however Extreme Couponing is the height of too muchery. you dont have kids but you have a stockpile of cheap diapers. even if a baby showed up in your house tomorrow, they wouldnt even be in that diaper size long enough to make a dent. IT IS NOT A DEAL IF YOU DO NOT NEED OR WANT IT! my mother taught me long ago that if it's a coupon for something you dont normally buy, that's not really a deal. yes, it's fine if you want to try something new but i something that you are very unlikely to consume is a WASTE. you can save more than that $1 off by not purchasing that stupid item at all.

as for household staples like mustard and crap, yea i wanna save on that but not ive i gotta keep 20 bottles at one damn time...my thing is if it isnt something my family runs through like toilet paper, there is no need to hoard large quantities. yes, it is super cool when they get thousands of dollars worth of items for about $20. however, most stores place limits on the number of something you can buy and/or the number of coupons you can use on one thing.

i guess someone could say i'm a hoarder for the sheer amount of makeup/beauty products (most at full-price) i could not possibly use all of. my thing is, they are actual items i use, i win giveaways so a good portion was free, and i could always sanitize and use on others.

Highlights: April 2011

• lost 6 lbs!!!- success due to Lent and #10lbchallenge

• tax refund- paid off my CC bill and paid my sister for my part of the cruise this Sept.

• won a couple of giveaways- I won a statement necklace and MAC candy yum yum lipstick (which i couldn't find ANYWHERE)

• went to the melting pot for the first time- dessert was yummy but only worth it in the group we were in

How was your April? Worried that you missed something going on with me? Don't fret; there is nothing more than this highlights post to report. I'm on super chill mode as far as talking to dudes. I've cut everyone fully off and NO BACKTRACKING. I'm actually completely single and I don't much mind it. Weird.

that was fun while it lasted

i'm over the whole relaxer thing. i've decided to go back to being natural. im not done with the creamy crack for good. the plan is to go completely chemical-free and then return to texturizers. that's what i was getting in the beginning. in a fit of laziness i told my stylist at the time to go ahead and relax it bone straight during one visit. BIG mistake. i hate it. so im going to let what's left of my relaxer grow out which is easier now that ive cut it. my friend is on her solange b/c she cut it ALL OFF! i need a few inches before i do something like that. no chrisette michelle for me. it would be nice to simply wash and go sooner than later but imma try to deal.

no, it really is me

people get on twitter and say "if u think men aint shit, take a look at yourself". normally, i'd ignore that but it's getting harder and harder to do so. at one point, i was convinced that all the good ones are taken. not the case. every day, i hop on fb to see that so and so got engaged. granted, the guy was technically taken but some folks don't view it as such until there's a ring involved. all im saying is there still are a few good ones out there. maybe theyre commited to someone else but they do, in fact, exist. otherwise, these new engagements would not be occuring so frequently. i still highly doubt there is a good guy FOR ME but generally, good guys are available. i mean, these chicks are finding them. those still on the search, good luck.

get in your box!

i like to compartmentalize. or at least i thought i did but what im doing speaks to the contrary. my buddy from work is now my real life buddy. i wouldnt go so far as to say we're friends but how much longer can i keep her in the work box if we go to happy hour and grab pedis before work? she's my friend on twitter. have you noticed how much less ratchet i am? she's also my friend on facebook as of today. im doing a lot. maybe it's in part b/c i dont take my job all that seriously. it's really just a job to me. a stepping stone. it's no secret: they know it and i know it. so yea, she's my bff at work and apparently she's cool people in my real life. i think this is a good thing. might be one of the only things making this bareable. she bet' not leave before im done serving my time.

Highlights: March 2011

• sprinkles cupcakes opened. my friend bought me a cupcake a few days after opening day.

• bff's bday. he came to town and we explored old town alexandria, a spot im NEVER in. a stranger paid $20 of our $28 bar tab in one of the spots we hit. i paid the remainder b/c i was buying him a drink anyway.
  

• my dad finally got me new tires for my car, saving me about $600.

• my degree came in the mail and i picked up my commencement tickets.

• i got 7 bottles of wine for the low-low via groupon

• i got a free voucher for an orioles game in september.

how was your March? i was really reaching here for the good news so im hoping that April has a huge dose of awesome!

that's happening

i got a guest post going on over at Tea and Such: check it out

does not equate

i did everything i was supposed to do.

i approached life like a brand new toy on christmas day. maybe not how i actually treat new gadgets b/c with them, i just open them, start doing what looks like makes sense and THEN check the manual if shit doesnt work out.

but that's not how i did my life. i know life doesnt come with an owner's manual but i've had some guidance from involved parents and a few decent teachers along the way. for the most part, supervisors say i do what im told. so imagine my surprise when i followed the step-by-step proceedures and did not yield the results as expected. i cant just go back to the store for an exchange or refund either. all is not lost. i can simply try something else. the problem is knowing what i'd like to try and possibly fail at next. another problem is getting the motivation to go through another set of steps.

people are all on the internet claiming that the rapture is tomorrow. i'd be ok with that. im so tired. and frustrated.

how long is my sentence, again?

i could not go to jail but i really cant tell the difference between prison and my job right now. my job is the punishment i get for getting a liberal arts degree followed by getting a masters in a related field. i only have to serve 2 years and i may get out early for good behavior (not taking too many vacation days and stuff).

im told what to do, when to do it, and how. sure, i get paid, even prisoners get paid for the work they do. it's not a viable or sufficient source of income, though. i get food while im there. thank God, i dont depend on them for clothing and other comforts of home but there might come a time that i do. i'm required to be there even in inclimate weather so should a blizzard hit and i have nothing with me, i'll be going through the basement browsing the shelves of donations for the things i need. hopefully, the dc area is all snowed out for the next 18 months +.

i didnt know i was this unhappy until i had to pay for my car to get serviced, realized i never make enough to move out of my parents' house while doing this job, and student loan repayment will kick in in about 3 months. i remembered all that and then i got a passive-aggressive email from my boss. girl, goodbye!

this is hard

my job is making lent extra hard. we get donations daily of all kinds of bread and stuff. it's usually day-old or beyond so it's not that hard to pass on it. volunteers come and cook for the kids and staff participates in meals. again, MOST times it's easy to pass. this is gonna be racist but white people just prepare their stuff differently and it's usually in a fashion i can take or leave. unless the person is a pro, it's just ok at best for me. anyway, it's still hard spending the little money i make to buy something different or just eating the salad that was made to go with the meal.

saturdays are only hard because it's pizza night and it's 3 days after the weekly grocery store trip so pickings are slim. this is still ok because the pizza that we get is dominos. what in the pure fuck do i look like crying 'cause i cant have that nasty shit?

one really tough time was this wednesday. a black lady came to cook! she set the table with table cloth and somehow, all of the dishes magically matched. she placed a floral centerpiece on the table and i saw her storebought, im assuming red velvet, cake in her picnic basket. YES, picnic basket. this lady was so cute. she made spaghetti and the aroma was HEAVENLY. of course, she made a beautiful-looking salad to go with it. the salad would have been all that i could have had. dinner is at 5:30 and so is the end of my shift. she came at 3pm to start prepping and i was smelling garlic bread and pasta sauce since about 4:30. i RAN out of that place when my shift was done. i was so hungry and so sad...

i dont want her coming back until after Easter. i also don't want anyone as awesome as her to come until then. just keep having people bring whatever is left over from the buffet at whatever event they attended like they did that one time o_O. that shit was trifling.

lent update

just really quick: sunday's don't count. that's all i got to say. i dont plan to take full advantage of this but i just wanted to throw that out there. i took advantage of it last sunday b/c it was the niece's bday and i had some of her cake. i dont plan on making this a trend.

at last weigh-in, i was -2 lbs. this weigh-in occurred after consuming the cake so i think i'm good. i want to get more workouts in. im falling short of my goal. what was it? 3 a week? i dont remember so that's probably why im not making it. thinking about doing a guest post for T's blog. if i go forward with it, i'll definitely provide the link.

reflecting on my current situation reminded me of a scene from one of my favorite movies, Girl, Interrupted.

the main character is in a session at the mental hospital:

Susanna: I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favorite word.
Dr. Wick: Do you know what that means, ambivalence?
Susanna: I don't care.
Dr. Wick: If it's your favorite word, I would've thought you would...
Susanna: It *means* I don't care. That's what it means.
Dr. Wick: On the contrary, Susanna. Ambivalence suggests strong feelings... in opposition. The prefix, as in "ambidextrous," means "both." The rest of it, in Latin, means "vigor." The word suggests that you are torn... between two opposing courses of action.
Susanna: Will I stay or will I go?
Dr. Wick: Am I sane... or, am I crazy?
Susanna: Those aren't courses of action.
Dr. Wick: They can be, dear - for some.
Susanna: Well, then - it's the wrong word.
Dr. Wick: No. I think it's perfect.

Susanna probably meant to say apathetic but what she said fit the situation much better. afterall, she had borderline personality disorder, which when coined meant she was bordering on psychosis and neurosis. all i know is im feeling love and hate at the same time and it's not too fun.

NWGHAAD

Every year, since I've known of it's existance, I've participated in the Red Pump Project on this blog. Now, I have two blogs, so Pigmented Pretty is rocking the badge, too. What's it all for? National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. I was last tested on 12/1/2010 (World AIDS Day); how about you?

Lemme give you some stats:

Every 35 minutes, a woman tests positive for HIV in the United States.

In 2006, teen girls represented 39% of AIDS cases reported among 13–19 year-olds

Black teens represented 69% of cases reported among 13–19 year-olds; Latino teens represented 19%.

Check out my sidebar for the RPP link and additional stats, as well as how you can support!

Sidenote: Happy Birthday to my BFF :)

lent: day 1

it's ash wednesday so you know what that means? or do you? might not mean anything to some people...

for me it means the elimination of most carbs, namely starches. everyone knows i live off of fries, bread, cereal, crackers, etc. gave all that up for lent. i can still have popcorn and that's all i can think of that's allowed. i can have all the fruit, meat, and veggies i want. as i write this, im hungry. im going to finish reading emails and other internet surfing i cant really get done when im at work and then i need to go do my bible reading. im on day 65 of that.

so far this week, i only worked out on monday. that just means big things poppin' for tomorrow. pray for me!

good day, sir

i am so SICK of dudes coming at me on some dating shit and then saying "but i dont want a relationship". im writing this open letter to bullshitting dudes as well as CQ. feel free to read along since im actually sending this to no one.

got it. you dont want a relationship. ok, then what the fuck do you want? have the nerve to say "i dont get why girls get feelings when sex is involved"? so knowing that, you still wanna do what you do and complain when the inevitable occurs. then you get annoyed like "didnt i say i didnt want a relationship"? well...sir, didnt you know if we did that there was a big chance i'd catch feelings?

yea, i knew you didn't want what i wanted and proceeded with that knowledge. things were ok. THEN, you tell me you have feeling for me so then i'm a little confused but i'm thinking, ok cool, i'm not alone right now so let's see where this goes. i guess i get too emotional and it's you screaming that you do not, under any circumstances want a relationship at this time. welp. you're in another state and when you do move, you'll be temporarily in a nearby state but still nowhere convenient to me so...bye. i'm done.

no, there's no one on the horizon but honestly, neither are you. so what the fuck? i'm supposed to make time in my fucked up work schedule to call some nigga who i was just convenient for at the time? and then when you move 2+ hours away, i'm supposed to drive down to "chill" with you. i barely want a long-distance relationship and you want me to engage in a long-distance sex partnership? ive learned my lesson and no dick is worth getting less than what i want. no, thank you. im good. glad you didn't want me to get hurt and all but my feelings are my responsibility so i'm gonna make sure i dont get hurt and imma just leave you alone. no hard feelings and best wishes and all that shit.

signed,

not that desperate

on the way

i bet something really good is just around the corner. january felt great. february was so-so. march is blah. this downward spiral HAS to mean there is an impending upswing. right? im keeping hope alive. im mostly hoping to at least have SOMETHING to write in my march highlights post.

yea. that.

guess what im pretending to commit to again? FITNESS! it's that time of year where the weather is getting warmer and im reminding that the extra 10 lbs that comforted me through winter are super inconvenient when it's hot. im trying to shed this 10 and then some b/c my regular weight is TURRIBLE.

this sucks because my Lent plans coupled with my fitness goes do not allow for me to eat at work as i'd planned. all they ever have is bread and sweets and other fatty foods. i had my heart set on having salad on Tuesday and all of that was gone. SALAD? in a place full of teens? come ON! the pantry is stocked with chips, cookies, noodles, and other starchy food so that will never do. i gotta start bringing my lunch. damn.

starting goal: the first 10 lbs.

oh, shamrock shakes, my favorite season approaches!

i LOVE Spring. i cannot stand being cold. i like wearing dresses and bright, fun makeup. i welcome flowers blooming and bees buzzing with open arms. ok, ya'll can keep the bees but it just flowed with the sentence, i thought.

sure signs of Spring:

- shamrock shakes return to McDonald's

- the sun seems to shine i little bit brighter in the morning

- 50 degrees or better becomes less few and far between

- white people wear shorts/short-sleeves (w/ their anxious asses)

what are some more signs of Spring? anyone as excited as i am for warmer (but not too damn warm) weather?

i freakin dare ya!

i dare myself to be single. im always single. you know this. but i mean really and truely, madly, deeply single. i first thought to challenge myself when T pointed out that she hasnt known me to ever not have ANYONE at all. some sort of boo thing, sex partner situation is forever going on with me. so, since niggas wanna be allergic to the term boyfriend anyway, i might as well use this time to be completely into me. no more looking. i dont know if ive ever really been looking but i know that if someone approaches me, i look to find out if we can work out. no more of that. ive been wanting a boyfriend for a while now but it just doesnt seem to be in the cards for me. it's time to figure out how to enjoy this whole single situation. i wanna be friends with it.

signed,

black jennifer aniston

"i dont get it"

well that's the damn point. my best friend, my brother, my sister, and im sure some others have voiced that they dont get my facebook statuses. uh...so? sometimes i want to get some stuff out and i might not wanna dedicated a blog to it. my statuses could be the equivalent of a subtweet in some instances but mostly i like to think of them as akin to horoscopes. they are generic enough to fit a variety of situations/contexts. i find it amusing when people "like" my random statuses. it's even more hilarious when the status is about them (very rare but it does not lose it's comedy). the real reason my statuses are so cryptic (but not really even) is because i have family and such as friends on facebook. i have people im not close to but would be uncomfortable unfriending. most people can relate to just not wanting certain people to know certain things about you. plus, while i get more "likes", i get fewer obnoxious comments from people who never know what their talking about but always have something to add to the "discussion". finally, my moods waver so much that if i posted a status saying i'm pissed at someone, within 20 minutes i'd be loving them again and wishing i hadnt posted such a hateful status.

but im saying, how many statuses have you seen that you wish you DIDNT get? TMfuckingI. people should thank me instead of complaining. get all the ratchet overshares from here and my twitter account. facebook is a safe haven for people in my life under 18 and over 45.

decisions, decisions

today marks day 45 in my bible-in-a-year journey. im thinking ahead because Ash Wednesday and Lent will be here before i know it. wondering what i should give up for those 40 days. i think a real toughy would be bread but giving that up would be a significant change in my eating. significant so much that an easy 80% of what i eat would be off limits. no cereal, danishes, sandwiches, crackers...i survive on bread/starches. i also know it's possible for me to give it up b/c i did the south beach diet in undergrad phase 1 for longer than the recommended duration.

i know i want to cut back on eating so much bread anyway and i want to make better food choices so this will be a good start. im also open to other ideas of something to sacrifice. i'm not sure why i do this since i dont even really go to church but i pretty much give up something every year. what are you thinking of doing? do you give up anything for Lent?

i know i'm fully aware

happy valentines day!

from,

the black version of this chick-

can you guess how this day will be spent? aside from ALONE, i'll be at the bar at cheesecake factory after work enjoying a big ass margarita. im going to eat something as a meal, idk what. and of course, im getting cheesecake. dont be stupid.

tons of love! thanks for reading.

most out of all aint bad

i mentioned a few posts back that i got a job. about the place i work: voluntary shelter for teens, residential setting, group, family and individual counseling, life skills training.

i got ____ out of ____ things i was looking for in a job. dont know how many items i wanted and at the end of this post im not going back to fill in the blanks b/c this is my blog and i do what i want.

full-time? check! a

benefits? check! a

vacation? check! a

reasonable distance from home? check! a

safe area? check! a

free parking? check! a

fringe benefits? chipotle and other popular establishments on a regular basis equals SUPER CHECK! aaaa

hours count toward counseling license? check! a

free supervision for license? check! a

serving the population I want to work with? check! a

supervisor I can get along with? check! a

normal 9-5 work day? most days x

pay matching education and experience? not quite x

pay matching duties and responsibilities? naw, not really x

DIN update

I'm at the Bartending class from groupon. Learning little interesting tidbits and finding out new drinks to try. Some stuff I already know but it's still worth it especially since I used free credits to do it. If this opportunity comes about for you, I recommend it.

super quick post: WIF

it seems we lose the game before we even start to play- lauryn hill, "everything is everything"

signed,

the black jennifer aniston

*WIF = what im feeling

DIN: Auto Show

here's some photographic evidence of me doing it now:

i used my groupon for the washington auto show and country que came with!

over there

another giveaway going on over on my other blog. just so ya know.

happy groundhog day!

Highlights: February 2011

• Auto Show. this has been on my list of things i want to do and it made it to my "do it now" list. DONE.

• Bartending Class. groupon and the bartending school came through and i was able to schedule and attend a bartending intro class. another "do it now" = done.

• Chop Chop. i FINALLY cut my hair. had been toying with this idea for at least 2 years. i have a pic up on my other blog in case you're curious. link is in the sidebar.

• Money. i got my first paycheck from my first full-time, permanent job. i also got my rebate from Verizon for my Droid.

February is a short month and I spent most of it training for my job. Looking forward to fun/excitement in March. *crosses fingers*. What's new for you? What's on the horizon?

limited engagement

my boo on lease aka country que aka army is leaving :(

that's right. i have the sads over a guy. big surprise. this is his last weekend and im taking it kinda hard. i was supposed to hang out with him wednesday and then the commute from hell occurred. he claims we were supposed to go to the movies tonight. i vaguely recall throwing the idea out there and him not giving a definite response. im not feeling well tonight. i cancelled happy hour plans and id actually feel bad if i opted to chill with him after i told my friend i didnt want to attend this party.

im really feeling some kind of way because he said he was gonna go check out this jazz spot near his hotel. you dont know this but i had made reservations to go to a different jazz spot with morehouse dude and he flaked on me, i cancelled the reservations, only to have him call a little while later talking about could we still go out. ive been wanting to check out that little spot country que is going to but i dont have anyone to go with. my person to go with is going alone tonight and will be leaving next weekend. you are probably reading this like "get up and go meet that boy at the club, stupid!"

i would agree with you but im really not feeling like going out after that 8 hour ordeal on wed. idk why i havent fully recovered yet. i also dont feel like i should put that much energy into someone who wont be here and isnt interested in a relationship right now.

he would be the only guy who i'd accept not wanting a relationship but being in my face right now. he's nice and respectful, he has a legit reason for now wanting anything serious (very recently divorced and moves around a lot), and he's in the area for a very short time and doesnt know many people.

*sigh* it's all fun and games until someone has to go back where they came from.

*update*

he cant go to the jazz spot. still sexy that he wanted to.

i got a job offer...

...and it only cost me 3 interviews and an 8 hour trek in the snow for what's normally a 30 minute (at most) drive.

i went for round 3, yes, round 3 of the interview process for a job. you would think they were paying a salary that didnt end in "per hour" and was approriate for someone holding a masters. *shrug*. if you are familiar with the area, the job is near tyson's mall in VA and about 25 minutes in no traffic from my house. it was raining when i arrived, sleeting before i joined the staff meeting, and when i left my car was covered in snow. my mom and I figured it would be best to go to my sister's house b/c she lives in VA and really not far from that mall.

several down trees, abandoned vehicles, snow/ice, and one spin out later, i got to my sister's house safe and sound. it actually took me 8 hours and 15 minutes to pull into my sister's driveway. many thanks to the stranger who i let drive my car for a few feet to get me unstuck (do NOT tell my mom i did that). thanks to the other guy who shoveled me out. thanks to the assclown who decided to jump another car but in doing so blocked the entire lane right in front of me right as the light was changing o_O. ALSO thank you to anyone who insisted upon driving in marked lanes instead of the tracks laid out by heavier vehicles and wanting to do the posted speed limit instead of what was prudent for the conditions riding on my ass then speeding past and spinning out. proud of you...the people i appreciate most were those who threw on hazards and stopped in the middle of the highway to knock snow off when they didnt really have visibility issues AND the people who abandoned their cars in the middle of the lane. my favorite is whomever thought it was helpful to honk at the poor woman who was stuck as obvious efforts by others were being made to free her.

sincere thanks to country que for staying on the phone with me (like he really had anything else to do) and distracting me inadvertantly during the scariest part of the home stretch. how did we get on that topic? i told him stuff i dont really tell people anymore.

anyway, i have training the month of february and i start in march.

DIN: Update

Here's my Do It Now update:

1. bartending class- that groupon was the first BS groupon i have experienced. the process was ignorant. i think i wasted my credits because they are really bullshittin right now. they sent an email saying they'd be glad to credit my account if i was no longer interested. i expressed such and they giving me some run around.
2. cruise- ive been wanting to go on a cruise since undergrad. im finally doing it. it's my 25th birthday celebration. i got my sister to do it now since the arrangements were made on her CC. now to simply pay her back. (that's annoying. why didnt they let us pay on more than one credit card?)
3. auto show- ive had this on the brain since that issue of essence where they said it was a place to meet men. that's not why im going but i do see it as a fringe benefit if it happens. well, i dont know because country que said he wanted to go so i grabbed him a groupon, too. doesnt mean he can necessarily go when i go so hope is still alive that i might meet a nice guy while im scoping out the sexiness of some vehicle im never gonna buy.

my week, like you care

this week is another week full of interviews. i have one every day except friday. i still have the crisis hotline to do. so far, ive made time to visit a random church, see country que, update my beauty blog, apply to more jobs, get a new phone (droid), and try cakelove. everyone was right, their cupcakes are nasty and i wont be back and they dont deserve a review. i return to temping at the church (friday) and saturday is my last day at the Kennedy Center before my hiatus. i took off until may so i can figure my life out and have my saturdays back. oh, and im still on my read the bible in a year plan.

ma'am

has anyone called you "ma'am"? i mean a complete stranger. whenever some person refers to me as "ma'am", im reminded of this:

Grace: And I was in Bloomingdale's this morning waiting on line to buy wrinkle cream, and this Jennifer-Love-Sarah-Michelle-Felicity-looking thing...bumps into me and says, "Excuse me...Ma'am." (SOBBING.)

this line from will & grace just naturally pops into my head. im not a fan. there is one person who i'm ok with calling me this: country que aka army. i guess it sounds appropriate coming from him. i really dont know.

this has been a tipsy blog from yours truly.

maybe you're not so bad afterall

i was none too fond of 2010 and i wasnt really looking forward to 2011 (you know me and odd numbers). BUT im actually surprised at 2011. im doing more of the things i want to do and getting back into going out more period. the best thing about this year is actually interviewing for jobs in my field. ive been on two interviews this week. by the time this posts, i will have sat for three interviews. i got a call for a second interview at the place i interviewed at on Tuesday *fingers crossed*. so that's what this week in january has been like for me. full of interviews. here's what ive been doing/have done this week:

• talking to "country que" aka "army"
• applying to jobs
• interviewing for jobs
• blogging :)
• tweeting
• ensuring that im cleared for graduation (i am)
• working on the crisis hotline
• seeing a show at the kennedy center (shear madness)
• restaurant week meals (ruth's chris is a no-go since interviews bumped it. 2/3 aint bad)

what did your week look like?

real quick

me: what are you looking for?

him: nothing.

me: well, i'm something. so...bye!

think about it. no, no. just think about it.

Restaurant Week Round 1: Capital Grille

T came to town on business, part 3 of T&A (part 1 in DC and part 2 in Chi). we dined at Capital Grille (her pick) which was across the street from where the POTUS and First Lady decided to dine Monday night (1/17). they selected The Source by Wolfgang Puck. was that a restaurant week participant? if so, how thrifty of you, Mr. Obama! i doubt it. anyway!

i've only done restaurant week for lunch so i was pleasantly surprised at the dinner offerings. plus, our server complimented our meal with some creamed spinach, gratis. i dont like creamed spinach but it was a nice gesture. for course 1, i selected field greens and tomatoes while T chose the clam chowder. we both opted for filet mignon for course two (we had our choice of salmon or lamb instead). dessert was key lime pie for me and berries and cream for her. forgot to snap picks of the actual food. i took a pic of the menu but how is that really helpful?

everything (except the spinach, which was free so so what) was delicious. i took my key lime pie to go and even a few hours later, i enjoyed it. T did an add-on and ordered lobster mashed potatoes (not on the menu but was our server's suggestion, he was FAB). that came home with me as well. hopefully, it's not too late to grab this good deal. maybe they will be like other spots and extend their restaurant week menu. otherwise, expect to drop $43 on the steak alone versus $35.11 plus tax and gratuity for all 3 courses.

Capital Grille, 601 Pennsylvania Ave

$20 Amazon Gift Card

you know I am a fan of Groupon but the other site I love is livingsocial.com. I wanted to share today's deal with you, so here is my unique referral code.

Pay just $10 for a $20 Amazon Gift Card.

readers know best! (cupcake war winner announced)

you guys leave me some food for thought in the comments. when it cam to my cupcake quest, reader mrstdj was right: crumbs cupcakes IS the best in the area. @ 3.25 a pop, these generously sized cupcakes satisfy any sweet tooth. they offer unique variations but i stuck with a classic: vanilla with chocolate frosting. the cake is dense but not muffin-y. the icing, was a creamy pudding topping. there was vanilla pudding INSIDE. i'm in love! if you are ever around metro center, you would be remiss if you did not visit this cute little bakery. right across the street from H&M and Forever 21, this is the sugar rush you'll need to sift through the racks and spot some good bargains. visit their website for all the unique varieties: www.crumbs.com

endure it

coping skills. that is the name of the game. you know im looking for full-time employment and the only positions giving me the time of day are those i dont believe i'd be successful at and i will extremely stress trying to do. mix that in with my living situation and you have the perfect recipe for mental/emotional breakdown. say i get offered a position at one of these places. i am really going to have to figure out how to survive it.

that's where coping skills come into play. i need things i can do to de-stress: exciting activities to look forward to. vacation days. made up/federal holidays. WEEKENDS will mean everything to me. what are some things you do when day-to-day life feels unbearable?

that has nothing to do w/ me

saying stuff like "one day you will..." or "when you finally do..." is futile. what the hell do i care about your future if you're in my past and i can't/won't be a part of your present? and just how do you know when he/she "wakes up" and "realizes" whatever that you won't be around? what makes you the authority on the capacity of his or her intelligence? they may never recognize a damn thing. and honestly, if they dont see you as you think they should see you how in the hell are they the one for you anyway? also, what makes you so great? you're probably not as good as you think you are if so many people need convincing.

this has been me dumping on both our self esteems. yea, ive said that shit before. to tell the truth, ive fallen for that line. what i've learned is that is about the dumbest shit. just about as dumb as saying "you'll never find someone like me again". again, so what?! i dont want you, why would i want another one of that defective shit. and furthermore, i PROBABLY will find another one of you tired ass motherfuckers. i do not know why im cursing this much in one post. im not even mad. *shrug*

DC restaurant week is coming...

next week is restaurant week and your resident fatty is partaking in 3 (count 'em, THREE) meals next week. i ALMOST indulged in 4 b/c i got an invite to reconnect with some former coworkers but i decided to pass. my waistline and wallet thank me.

here is the schedule:

Monday- Capital Grille

Thursday- Filomena

Friday- Ruth's Chris

obviously, RC will not get ANOTHER post dedicated to it but i do hope to fill you in on the other two spots. me thinks i'll make it a point to bring my new camera along so you all can share in the good times. the last time i tried to upload pics on blogger, blogger would have none of it so i may have to do some problem-solving. til next post/week, remember to "do it now!"

i see you

just a quick post to let you know: i read every comment (sometimes twice). with comment moderation, i get asked to approve each comment via email. emails go to my blackberry and depending on how it wants to be, i can approve them immediately. if not, i have to wait til i get back to me computer.

with all that said, though i may not reply to every single comment, i see them and they are appreciated. thanks!

even more do it now

still on my 2011 "do it now" thing. a thing i've thought about from time to time has been bartending. groupon has a deal going and i still have quite a few credits in my account so why not? it's a bartending school ive seen and looked into before. it's not a long-term commitment. just 1 day (4 hours) and it would be something nice to try. i signed on for just $30 (credits so it's free). if you're in the DMV and you wanna get in on this, here's my referral link! *crosses fingers for 22 more people to buy so the deal is on*

on your side

which side of the bed is "your" side?

i sleep on whichever side is closest to the door in my own bed. in hotels and other people's beds, i sleep furthest from the door. no reason. just happens. after all these years im wondering why it is that i dont sleep right in the middle. who am i saving that whole other side for? i have a bunch of pillows so they go over there. they wind up on the floor anyway so why won't i put them there and be in the middle? things that make you go "hmm".

this has been me being random. goodnight.

bitch, im great. bye!

that's what im on today. i cant speak for tomorrow or later this week but come the fuck on. guys can continue to act like im just some anything ass broad out here if they want to. they dont have to recognize my worth. i feel like if someone like me isnt what they value, they dont deserve me anyway.

of course, it's easier said than done and it's a lonely road to travel but it has to be done. besides, remember yesterday's post? he AINT all that, ok?

it makes just as little sense for me to treat a guy as more than he's worth as it does when he treats me as less than im worth. if there ever was a "stop yourself" moment, this would be it. i need to stop myself.

i need to catch myself and then stop myself from:

1. settling
2. negative thoughts
3. selling myself short
4. accepting less than i desire
5. making excuses for sorry niggas
6. placing more value on others than respect they've shown me
7. putting others' needs/wants before my own
8. worrying

if anyone has tips/thoughts on this, do let me know.

this might seem like a man-bashing post but i really just feel like dudes and i have an ongoing difference of opinion and i allow what they think of me to hurt me. since when does someone's opinion of me need to effect me in any way? it should never and im disappointed in myself for allowing it to happen for so long.

what you dont have

i hate a nigga to say shit like "i dont think i can date anyone until i have x,y, and z together" and THEN get shit together and be like "where was everybody when i didnt have nothing?" i almost hope future me is around just to be like "ahem, i wanted your weak ass. but i guess that doesn't count because you clearly didnt want me. glad to know for sure now." but i wont be.

i find it perfectly understandable to want to get your ducks in a row before you add someone else to the picture. i still see you prioritizing horribly so im inclined to believe that you're just not interested in me. and that's fine but just say so.

i dont know what my problem is needing to wait and hear it. it's like i want someone to be mean to me when they really arent trying to. seems like they like me enough not to try and hurt my feelings but no more than that.

it's now time for me to just let go off what i dont have. sure, we can be friends but we need to be the kind of friends me and my male bff are. if we go do something, i have to just pay for myself. the tough part will be putting aside those feelings of attraction. i think the feeling of stupidity that comes with liking someone who doesnt like you back will help with that. i do not love feeling dumb as the fuck. and that's just how i feel. *sigh*

best experience of my life!

on new year's day, i took my entertainment into my own hands and purchased two new games for the wii i got for christmas. i picked up def jam rapstar and the michael jackson experience. speaking of the latter, I. LOVE. THIS. GAME!!

if you are familiar with Just Dance, it's the same concept: the object is to match the moves of the on-screen character. for most songs, it's just mike but they have some duets and obviously songs like "thriller" involve multiple background dancers. each song has a rating of either "easy", "medium", "hard" or "inhuman" (ex. "thriller", dancing as michael). you earn star ratings for your performance as a result of points you racked up for achieving the moves. each move earns you a rating of "x" (you missed the mark), "ok", "good", "perfect". for someone who is as rhythm challenged as myself, ive been averaging 3 stars on all the songs. i get quite a few perfects but mostly goods and oks.

my favorite song by him in real life and to dance to is "dirty diana". probably b/c this one is rated as easy and i have 4 stars on it. i like "the girl is mine". honestly, i love just about everything on there.

do you have this game? what other games do you have for wii?

what's the matter with you?

what kinds of dates have you been on? what types of outings do you have with friends? someone out there is having fun.

all my people wanna do is have house parties, go to the bar/club, or eat; maybe SOMETIMES they wanna do movies. prime example: guy asks me out this weekend but doesnt know where he wants to go. that's no necessarily a problem, yet. what's a problem is when i offer a plethora of suggestions met with minimal enthusiasm. who wouldnt wanna go ice skating, laser tag, dave and busters? ok, maybe someone wouldnt and i dont blame anyone not interested in the gun range but i threw that out there, too. what ideas were thrown back to me? the equivalent of 0 because ESPN zone is pretty much the same as dave and busters but it's closed.

i really do not care what this dude picks to do with me; i just want him to pick. i'd rather not just "go get food". i feel like ive indicated enough of my interests for him to come up with something. i had a brief convo with a guy and vaguely mentioned an interest in baseball/softball. where did he take me out? the batting cages. nothing came of that dude but he got mad points for that. i have explicitly told this guy what i like and i get invites to grab dinner all informal -like and to come over because he's bored. i dont mean to complain but, this cant be all there is for me.

am i being too hard on the guy or are folks unimaginative these days? is this a real-life "he's just not that into you"? what the fuck gives?

resources and support

never underestimate the power of sharing goals with people. one the one hand, no, you shouldn't put all your cards face up. but it can be benificial to share some stuff. i shared my intentions of getting through the bible and my friend put me on to a BB app to assist with acheiving that goal. i went to youversion.com/download on my phone and downloaded the app. they have the app for iphone and other devices so i'm passing on the info to you. you can set up your plan how you wish and get the Word right on your phone. yup, get you some spiritual food in between your raunchy tweets. GO!

Highlights: January 2011

• Restaurant Week. monday: dinner w/ T and co. at Capital Grille. thursday: lunch at Filomena in Georgetown.

• New Job (part-time). was able to work from home for the entire month :)


• New Games for Wii. michael jackson experience and def jam rapstar

• TJ Maxx/Marshalls Gift Card. won from twitter. i got a kenneth cole coat and a DDF skincare product

• $900 in Make Up For Ever cosmetics. won from @temptalia via twitter

• New Job (full-time). after consecutive interviews for two weeks, i got a full-time job offer. im quitting two of my 3 part-time jobs and cutting back on the above mentioned job.

• Country Que. my limited engagement boo thang. showed me that genuine, nice guys do still exist.

how was your January?

i'll keep that in mind

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

at the end of last year we agreed to take a break from all things related to the opposite sex. well, not so much agreed as i made an statement and no one publicly objected. so with this new year comes a new post about my failed missions.

via text this dude was like "look, i like you but i dont love you yet..."

what do you think prompted this string of words making up a sentence? obviously not ME saying the words "i love you" or some ignorant such thing. if you thought that's what happened, i want you to look back up at your address bar and recognize which blog you're reading. what really happened is i requested, of course not in so many words, some "cake" from this guy.

to his defense, this was probably highly confusing b/c i come off as one who isnt into all that lovey dovey shit. i could understand if no one could ever picture me as a "no, you hang up" girl. but if i like you, i will be like that and i want you to be that way towards me. probably not ALL THE TIME but i want it.

so my question is have things changed? do you have to be IN love with someone to show them love?

im not asking old boy to fall in love with me. i would be scared if he did. i just wanted him to act like he liked me. when he said that to me, i was just done. i couldnt imagine proceeding from that. maybe some communication would have been helpful but honestly, i just felt this wasnt what either of us wanted. i feel like by the time i fall in love with someone, i wouldnt want that cutesy shit. i thought the whole point of being cutesy and corny was because that's all you have because you dont know much about each other.

the other thing that got me was when he said something like hit him when im ready to have an adult relationship. ok...adults show affection to the person theyre seeing, dont they?

maybe im wrong. idk. i just felt like my presence in his life was a take it or leave it sort of thing. im not saying i needed to be central in his life. im saying, attention should have been paid. effort should have been placed in cultivating something with me. how can you be aware of some of my interests and still just offer to take me to "get some food"? im not ungrateful but im a strong proponent of quality time. stop asking me what i like to do if you have no intentions of doing those things with me.

let me know if im strange. i'll simply remember this for the next guy.