A Day in My Life: Saturday, September 11

My day started when I left my cell at home and got all the way to where I wanted to go before I realized it. I count that as good thing #1. Without my cell, I'm not constantly aware of who's NOT contacting me. Nor am I constantly checking for responses to questions or comparing myself to others' tweets and FB status updates. I felt insecure not having my phone because I've always viewed it as a safety issue but I was still glad to be without it.

I got up to attend a 12-Step meeting and was surprised to get something I hadn't expected to get. No, I am not recovering from anything. I went as part of an assignment for my Substance Abuse class (remember, i'm in grad school for counseling?). I'd been to a regular AA meeting before for another class but this heifer wanted us to go to TWO. What gives her the right? I went to an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting. It was an enlightening experience but I choose not to share this on the blog and I know you're shocked because what don't I share? God does things for a reason, though, and if you'd like to know more about my experience or 12-Step Meetings in general then shoot me an email at invrtdreflection@gmail.com.

After the meeting, I wandered like two seconds in the area and spotted both a Chipotle and a Five Guys. I'd already seen the Smoothie King before the meeting and grabbed on as I hadn't had Smoothie King since I lived in ATL. What really got my attention was the Hair Cuttery. I'd been wanting to clip my ends for a while. I went and was pleasantly surprised at the shop full of Black stylists in this particular area. More about this experience can be read over on my beauty blog: Pigmented Pretty. Also, check back there for an update on my new hair color COMING SOON. Count on me to remind folks of that.

I wasn't scheduled to work until 6 but my job, The Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, was having it's annual open house with FREE performances until 7. I got there in time to learn of a Brooklyn-based children's author, Jacqueline Woodson. I attended her reading which was alongside Laurence Yep, another children's author. I loved Woodson's stories and I'll probably be purchasing her work as Christmas gifts for my nieces. After that, I saw Richard Smallwood's concert. I learned that September is Gospel Music Heritage Month. His concert was a tribute to the late Bishop Walter Hawkins. They ended with my favorite "Total Praise" so I was happy. They started like 20 minutes late so I missed most of MTV's America's Best Dance Crew losers Beat Your Feet Kings' performance. When I got there, there were only 4 of the boys and I could have sworn there were more and they had a girl with them. Anyway, they invited kids on the stage and that was a little entertaing and then they were told they weren't allowed to have kids on-stage. Then they did a lackluster finale and it was over. I shook a hand and got ready to go to work. Someone said they ended early, i'd say by about 15 minutes but I didn't need 15 more minutes of that.

Work went well, too. Not too too many stupid questions and the time went by pretty fast considering there weren't many paid performances after the open house was over and the good thing about the Opera is that those folks have likely been there before and know where tf they're going. It's always good when security stops by to chat and that he did. I talk that back, it isn't ALWAYS good but this security guard isn't the one who told me that some women deserve to be raped so, yea.

Today was a good day!

top 10 reasons CB could never get it

T asked that i give my top 10 (i have 9) reasons i'm not into chris brown after my reaction to her interest in him being in Takers. prior to the rihanna stuff, i wasnt feeling the kid (and he is a kid, i dont care what you say). here are the ALL the reasons.

10. he's light-skinned. you know i have a preference for the dark brothers. i dont REALLY discriminate but i hold this against him

9. he looks like a child. he appears so neo-natal to me. i know im only like 3 years older but STILL.

8. that overbite.

7. that whiny octave he insists on singing in is irritating and his speaking voice is not better

6. i dont have any song by him that isnt a collabo. i cant help but think he'd need an assist in the bedroom as well.

5. i'm not totally convinced he wouldnt mind a menage situation that involves another dude. he just seems a little "that way".

4. he hits girls with a closed fist.

3. that samari/top chef suit he wore in his apology video

2. this album cover:

1. i want YOU to tell me the #1 reason this chimunk can't get it. if you are like T and would in fact let him get it, tell me WHY

have you been by my new spot?

some of you are well aware that i have a new home on the web, my blog dedicated to beauty and fashion and the like. i realize that those of you following through email and feeds might not actually come to this site and dont notice my link in the sidebar for Pigmented Pretty. well here's your reminder: if you've been wondering where the fotd's, videos and product reviews went, they're here.

this post was prompted by PJD who told me she'd forgotten. i assume others may have, too. unlike with inverted reflection, i did not schedule a month of posts so what's there is what's there. it might not be a lot but what's on there is worth a look. see you there!

more ashley-isms: remembering the arguments

he said: "why are you so heartless?"

i said: "why are you so selfish? the only feelings you care about are your own..."

i thought: because when something's broken, it's often like not having it at all.

if i were REALLY heartless, we wouldn't have even had that discussion. but anyway, that's as much of that mess i want to revisit. thanks for reading!

the REAL answer

when someone asks "hey, how are you?" how do you normally respond? do you say "terrible. i lost my job, my kids are failing school, my husband and i dont have sex..." or do you simply reply "fine"? no matter what the real answer is to that question, more times than not, the socially acceptable thing is to say "fine".

what about this question: "why are you single?" who hasn't been asked that in some form or another? how do you reply?

today, and today only, i will tell my readers all the answers to that:

1. i am NEEDY- i need regular phone calls. if i tell you im sick, i need you to check on me at least once a day. dont just find out im sick and call me back when you think im not sick anymore depending on what it is. if you dont call (which i prefer), i'd like a "thinking of you" text or email. i require a lot of communication.

2. im not emotionally ready for a relationship- the things i hear-- like the possibility of someone elses child being someone's husband's and the child is 4 weeks older than the wife's child--let me know i couldn't do it. shadiness like his changing response would have me in tears just telling it to my friends, IF i could get the words out. im not emotionally mature in other ways either, i haven't learned to self-soothe for sadness, anger and frustration. when im upset and you're not readily available, i cant handle it.

3. i really dont know how to be in a healthy, meaningful relationship- the few "boyfriends" ive had were emotionally distant in my opinion. maybe that's why i demand so much attention from anyone im dating now. ive been on what i consider 3 real dates in my life. two nights where things went as i would have liked them to go for the most part. each time, i think ive done something to ruin my chances of getting a second date. i wont count the third time so heavy since i didnt care if we went out again.

4. i let dudes get away with stuff- i let stuff build up that dudes do instead of confronting them right away about feeling disrespected. what winds up happening is i come at them with a barrage of accusations of offenses committed and they are sitting confused with the "where is this coming from, crazy bitch" face.

5. i settle- i waste time with dudes who i know arent right for me to begin with thinking "well, it's him or nobody". there are plenty of dudes i can walk away from citing various excuses for why i cant be bothered but there are those who i'm like "but he's cute, maybe i'll change my mind. maybe im being too swift with my decision". there are others who im just like "but he looks like he can fuck" and then we get to talking and i get attached.

6. i have sex with dudes when i shouldn't- while im being honest, i might as well add this to the list

7. i can be a doormat with dudes- really people in general but im working on it

i dont know what else a dude might find unappealing about me. these are just the qualities i find sickening in myself. so there you have my conjecture about why i'm single aside from my normal disinterest in marriage/having a significant other. i can blame others all day long but there are two people in a relationship so i need to account for my role in the failure.

date night- no fireworks

i went on a date with annoying dude from the other night. here's how i got to that point. he texted me saying something like "i knew i shouldnt have left it up to u, u jerk..." which of course i ignored. i guess he realized his error and said that it would be nice if he could get a response so that he could proceed with the plans he'd made for us. i was intrigued by the fact the boy made plans so i replied. he then asked would he be picking me up and i was like get the fuck out of here! plans AND an offer to pick me up? it must be my birthday! i still dealt with him not knowing that pulling up to my house and me running out would never do but he didnt give me too much static. i wanted to know where we were going but he didnt want to tell me. i explained that i live with my parents and they need to know something. he said tell them the movies. i asked if we were in fact going there and he said we could go there, too. he was determined to do what he'd planned.

so what did he have planned? BATTING CAGES! i'd been waiting all summer for other useless person to take me as he volunteered he would after hearing how good a time i had memorial day weekend at the batting cages. that never came to be and im saying, the event only set this boy back $10 but whatever. i didnt know he was paying attention when we briefly spoke about baseball at the party and the fact that i like batting cages.

after we went to ruby tuesday because it was literally touching the movie theater where he purchased tickets before we ate. we saw The Other Guys and it was definitely funnier than i expected so i made a good pick.

during dinner we talked and this boy is not into anything. not really into sports so he doesnt care about football, which i love. and if he had to care, he'd be a redskins fan, which i hate. not a big movie buff. refers to pop songs as "white people music" which is fine but the way he said it was like it wasnt acceptable...i mean i love all kinds of music. im not drake's number 1 fan and it seems like he is...he's very corny and he talks A LOT. he's nice and maybe the fact that he's the opposite of what i typically go for is something i should give a chance but i dont know. plus i was kinda rude to him so who knows if i have a chance?

i had a good time and it was something new/different than im used to. i'll make a final decision if i get a second date.

*update*- there was no second date. some people say i should have never gone on the first one but whatever. i got to go on a date to the batting cages as i'd wanted to do. next, i want a date to take me to the gun range. i won't die if i dont get that but it seems like it would be fun!

a counselor's tips for living life

T asked that i give my perspective as new counselor on how one can get the most out of life, or at least that's how i interpretted it. here we go. im giving brief rundowns of whatever concepts come to mind so if clarification is needed, leave me a comment. also, i should say these are my opinions and interpretations of material covered in my master's program and not necessarily that of my master's program/instructors. this is pretty broad so i welcome specific questions. i'll try to keep this short.

1. remember there is no set formula: people come from all kinds of home situations. people from backgrounds you could not imagine go on to be wildly successful, something we discuss and term "resilience". others, from intact families can be the world's biggest fuck ups. dwelling on the cards you were dealt is one of some people's biggest hinderances.

2. strive for balance: i guess i'll stick to the family example. there are over-involved, high expressing of emotion or "enmeshed" families (you love how i'm giving you counselor terms that are regular words you can use everyday). then, there are distant families. again, great people can come from either but for best results, it appears that those who come from families with instilled values but respect for difference fair better than most other family types.

3. look for patterns: most often we see patterns from our family of origin play out in every other aspect of our lives. for example, someone can treat their boss like their mother and their spouse like their child. you may not think the genogram your family therapist asks you to complete with him/her is the best use of your time but it's the best use of your therapist's time and will bring to light many things you never noticed or considered. it exposes patterns of mental and physical illness as well as relational patterns and opens up the conversation of where you might see the relationship between your mom and her estranged in your own life. once you recognize patterns, determine what they are doing for you or what purpose they are no longer serving and why they're a problem. then do something about them.

4. dysfuntional behavior was functional at some point: whatever is causing arguments between you and loved ones was once something you all needed to be happening. when something is no longer working, find out how your needs have changed. Is there a new addition to the family so you no longer need the now second youngest to be so needy to distract you from issues in your marriage? Is your previously unemployed boyfriend now getting job offers taking him away from the house and leaving you with no one to take care of, which you need to do because you've always taken care of SOMEONE in your life?

5. being a teenager sucks: that's really all i have to say. no, but seriously there are a lot of issues during this time because it's often considered the period of life marked with the most change. almost as difficult is "emerging adulthood" which is just an extension of adolescents that some researchers say extends into the 30s. the adolescent period of previous generations has been extended to account for further education and delays in starting families. for adolescents and emerging adults, the most helpful thing seems to be recognizing that one is not alone so talking about things is key. sounds easier than it is.