i do but i dont

i wanna be a counselor/therapist/whatever you wanna call it. but then i don't. in my ethics course this semester, we discussed our motivations for becoming a counselor. one of the first steps in ensuring that you behave ethically and professionally is knowing what needs  of your own are being fulfilled by being a "helper". generally, i agree with the need to feel helpful and to normallize whatever it is i may be feeling. but the main reason is i do a lot of "counseling" all the time and i might as well get paid for it. plus it's like the one thing i could do and not suck at too bad. but i think all the time, "why am i doing this? i don't even like people!" i know people say all the time that they dont like people but i REALLY don't. i just see them as necessary and unavoidable. so here are the reasons counseling is for me:

1. people tell me things i dont care about all the time- im not talking about friends. im talking about complete strangers. i guess i just have a face that makes people wanna talk. i have no idea why that is because most times people start off with "why you lookin' so mean?". the answer is "so you won't talk to me but i guess i failed".

2. i think a lot so whatever my response is will sound really thoughtful even if i don't really care- most times, whatever someone is experiencing has been experienced by someone before and many times that someone is me. i spend a lot of time thinking about things so i naturally have a response to almost anything. 

3. i don't have to work for anyone else- after i get done with supervised training or whatever the city is going to require for full liscensure, i can work in my own practice. i probably wont do that, or a least not right away, but it's great to have that option. 

4. i wont be doing the same thing everyday- people will come in with varying issues to discuss and even if they have the same general problems, their individual experiences will vary to some degree. monotony and repetition is the absolute worst for me. 

5. you don't actually have to talk much- i like to talk when i am in the mood. sometimes i dont feel like talking. this is perfect because you really dont have to say much. you're actually not supposed to say much. counter-intuitive, i know, but that's how it goes. 

6. you dont see all the same people day in and day out- you see clients, at most, once a week and usually for no longer than an hour. undergrad would have been different for me if it worked like that. unfortunately i saw "friends" entirely too often and for too long and im not built for that. i can only take people in doses, even my closest friends. i really don't like people. i need to seek help for that.