looks better on us anyway

i cant STAND cosmetics companies that completely ignore deep skin tones. why is your darkest tinted moisturizer "warm beige", hourglass? i have a creamy hot cocoa situation and a "warm beige" will look as if i forgot moisturizer and put on baby powder instead. and seriously? foundations in two colors for african american women but six for white/hispanic chicks? in my experience, white folks are either pale or not. maybe THEY should be the ones disenfranchised and getting two shades...

there's quite a few sections of sephora i never visit for a couple of reasons. 1)the packaging has images of only white women 2) the color collection is not brown girl friendly 3) they never use a brown girl in their ads

why the disparity? colorful eyeshadows, blushes, and lipsticks look GORGEOUS on dark skin tones. but im not a fan of face color with no foundation so what are brown girls supposed to use. the options are slim and that's why everyone and their mother gets either mac or mufe foundation b/c most other brands dont have a shade thats complimentary.

am i the only one upset by this? am i overreacting?

tell me who i have to be to get some reciprocity?

im a true libra in the sense that i crave balance in all things. i love even numbers. it bothers me that i have 3 tats and not 2 or 4. i need symmetry in relationships, too. that's my problem. i never want to be calling you more than you're calling me. i hate to feel as though i put forth more effort than you. so there are times when i do the most and times when i do the least to balance out when i was doing what too much. i struggle with finding the happy medium so it's always over- and under-compensating. i need someone to balance out my scales or else i just need to be alone. idk what works best because most times when im alone, i hate it and when im talking to someone, i hate that, too. this is getting to be way too upsetting.

product of the moment

luster's pink moisturizer.

i know, i know. i loved it on my natural hair when i was a little girl but then it became useless probably when i was like 11 or 12. plus i hated the smell. fastforward 10 years to when my niece is born. she uses pink lotion and it has a different scent. now that my hair is relaxed, it works fine. i often spend the night at my sister's house and forget my hair oil so i dip into her pink lotion. i like it if only just for a couple weekends out of the month.

this is not jodeci

i hate when clients try to hit me w/ the "dont talk, just listen". that's what diaries and journals are for. i am going to tell you about yourself and i am going to get you to correct your faulty thinking. if you want to remain stuck in your patterns, stay home. you came to therapy for a reason so let's fix it.

i actually don't hate it when clients do it. it's not that bad. they dont know any better. i think it's worse when "friends" do it. i think i'll start being like my uncle and cut people off mid-sentence to say "ok, now let's talk about me".

how many parents do u have?

i have four. my mom. my dad. my big sister. my big brother. my mom and dad kept telling my brother and sister shit about non-bf and they bother had talks with me. last night, my brother said some things and he seemed pretty upset about what he had heard. he basically does not like the dude and how he acts and doesn't want me messing with him. my sister feels the same way. my brother can only go by what my mom has told him but my sister knows a bit more b/c whenever im at her house, im arguing with him on the phone.

one thing that bothered me more than my siblings being concerned was that my bff called. when i called him back he was like "well, one of the reasons i called was because the last time we talked, the two of yall were beefin'". bff wants to have sexy times with me so i usually take what he has to say less seriously but today seemed different. it didn't seem as much like hating as it was more like "you need to know this because i dont want you getting hurt". plus, before i spoke to him, i had already had the idea in my head that this isnt what i want and he was moreso being supportive of this sentiment.

latest youtube video

a request from T

honey, i dont care

when i have issues going on and im stressed, i really dont want to be bothered with the mundane. i never care that you're frustrated with your job when i dont have one and wont have one for quite some time due to grad school scheduling. i also never care what you got on-sale or just happened to pick up when i accidentally just overdrafted my account by $10. no, i dont want to go to happy hour with you. and NO, i cannot "go grab lunch". i dont have a husband to live off of while im doing a minimum 20 hr/week UNPAID internship plus coursework so no, im not going to the school-sponsored events that have any cost associated with them.

what's really grinding my gears is when people ask me stuff like "where should i take my globe-trotting ass next?" it's fine when you do a twitter poll but when you directly ask me, im just like "bitch, i dont care". or what you should buy next or where you can get xyz. i dont know and i dont fucking care. to me, those are not real problems and knowing that im 100% broke, i just find it inconsiderate to approach me w/ that shit.

i know it's selfish of me or whatever but that shit gets on my nerves. if i know, i'll tell you. if i dont know and i tell you so, drop it. dont keep talking about that shit because i really dont want to hear it. if i want to go, i'll say so. if i think my dad will give me the money, i'll tell you. if i know it's not a good look and i say no, dont tell me "it's only $50". im ONLY $40k+ in debt for grad school with an unpaid CC bill and an empty gas tank worried about how i will get lunch everyday so shut the fuck up! (and that's just the tip of my stress iceburg).