my bday is saturday

Thursday, September 30, 2010
on 10/02, i turn 24! still doesn't sound right. i haven't even gotten used to telling people i'm 23. i also haven't gotten used to being asked how old i am. RUDE! you ask teenagers and people who hold up fingers and say "this many". don't ask someone how old they are, especially if you're in a semi-professional setting like um...a counselor training clinic at your local university and your counselor-in-training has just gone over the limits of confidentiality and asks if you have any questions. very specific but it's rude and makes me question your intelligence because it was written and verbally communicated to you that master's level students work in the clinic so what were you expecting? your grandmother? ANYWAY...i'm over that but i was just recently thinking about that and how awkward that was but um that's not what this post is about. it's about gifts!

here's what you could (but won't) get me for my 24th:

1. an hermes coloring book- im not playing on twitter when i say i want this $120 coloring book. shut up judging me.

2. digital camera- my 6 year old camera is done. it was too fat to be carried without being embarassed about how old it was in the first place.

3. car wash and detail- stewie looks like he took a trip through the mountains all because i park right underneath a tree pretty much every day of his life.

4. spa package- could really use a mani/pedi/massagei'll be treating myself to this!

5. cash

6. a new laptop or at least new memory for my current one- i blame @booskee9 for all the music he sends me

7. a credit card payment/student loan payment

8. kevin hart dvds

9. a new wallet- old one falling apart at the seems, literally

10. pair of black skinny jeans- my mom put the ones i have in the washer machine

11. spelman hoodie and alumna tee- my current collection is becoming FADED and im feeling my alumna status so yea...

A Day in My Life: Saturday, September 11

Wednesday, September 29, 2010
My day started when I left my cell at home and got all the way to where I wanted to go before I realized it. I count that as good thing #1. Without my cell, I'm not constantly aware of who's NOT contacting me. Nor am I constantly checking for responses to questions or comparing myself to others' tweets and FB status updates. I felt insecure not having my phone because I've always viewed it as a safety issue but I was still glad to be without it.

I got up to attend a 12-Step meeting and was surprised to get something I hadn't expected to get. No, I am not recovering from anything. I went as part of an assignment for my Substance Abuse class (remember, i'm in grad school for counseling?). I'd been to a regular AA meeting before for another class but this heifer wanted us to go to TWO. What gives her the right? I went to an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting. It was an enlightening experience but I choose not to share this on the blog and I know you're shocked because what don't I share? God does things for a reason, though, and if you'd like to know more about my experience or 12-Step Meetings in general then shoot me an email at

After the meeting, I wandered like two seconds in the area and spotted both a Chipotle and a Five Guys. I'd already seen the Smoothie King before the meeting and grabbed on as I hadn't had Smoothie King since I lived in ATL. What really got my attention was the Hair Cuttery. I'd been wanting to clip my ends for a while. I went and was pleasantly surprised at the shop full of Black stylists in this particular area. More about this experience can be read over on my beauty blog: Pigmented Pretty. Also, check back there for an update on my new hair color COMING SOON. Count on me to remind folks of that.

I wasn't scheduled to work until 6 but my job, The Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, was having it's annual open house with FREE performances until 7. I got there in time to learn of a Brooklyn-based children's author, Jacqueline Woodson. I attended her reading which was alongside Laurence Yep, another children's author. I loved Woodson's stories and I'll probably be purchasing her work as Christmas gifts for my nieces. After that, I saw Richard Smallwood's concert. I learned that September is Gospel Music Heritage Month. His concert was a tribute to the late Bishop Walter Hawkins. They ended with my favorite "Total Praise" so I was happy. They started like 20 minutes late so I missed most of MTV's America's Best Dance Crew losers Beat Your Feet Kings' performance. When I got there, there were only 4 of the boys and I could have sworn there were more and they had a girl with them. Anyway, they invited kids on the stage and that was a little entertaing and then they were told they weren't allowed to have kids on-stage. Then they did a lackluster finale and it was over. I shook a hand and got ready to go to work. Someone said they ended early, i'd say by about 15 minutes but I didn't need 15 more minutes of that.

Work went well, too. Not too too many stupid questions and the time went by pretty fast considering there weren't many paid performances after the open house was over and the good thing about the Opera is that those folks have likely been there before and know where tf they're going. It's always good when security stops by to chat and that he did. I talk that back, it isn't ALWAYS good but this security guard isn't the one who told me that some women deserve to be raped so, yea.

Today was a good day!

top 10 reasons CB could never get it

Tuesday, September 28, 2010
T asked that i give my top 10 (i have 9) reasons i'm not into chris brown after my reaction to her interest in him being in Takers. prior to the rihanna stuff, i wasnt feeling the kid (and he is a kid, i dont care what you say). here are the ALL the reasons.

10. he's light-skinned. you know i have a preference for the dark brothers. i dont REALLY discriminate but i hold this against him
9. he looks like a child. he appears so neo-natal to me. i know im only like 3 years older but STILL.
8. that overbite.
7. that whiny octave he insists on singing in is irritating and his speaking voice is not better
6. i dont have any song by him that isnt a collabo. i cant help but think he'd need an assist in the bedroom as well.
5. i'm not totally convinced he wouldnt mind a menage situation that involves another dude. he just seems a little "that way".
4. he hits girls with a closed fist.
3. that samari/top chef suit he wore in his apology video
2. this album cover:

1. i want YOU to tell me the #1 reason this chimunk can't get it. if you are like T and would in fact let him get it, tell me WHY

have you been by my new spot?

Monday, September 27, 2010
some of you are well aware that i have a new home on the web, my blog dedicated to beauty and fashion and the like. i realize that those of you following through email and feeds might not actually come to this site and dont notice my link in the sidebar for Pigmented Pretty. well here's your reminder: if you've been wondering where the fotd's, videos and product reviews went, they're here.

this post was prompted by PJD who told me she'd forgotten. i assume others may have, too. unlike with inverted reflection, i did not schedule a month of posts so what's there is what's there. it might not be a lot but what's on there is worth a look. see you there!

more ashley-isms: remembering the arguments

Friday, September 24, 2010
he said: "why are you so heartless?"
i said: "why are you so selfish? the only feelings you care about are your own..."
i thought: because when something's broken, it's often like not having it at all.

if i were REALLY heartless, we wouldn't have even had that discussion. but anyway, that's as much of that mess i want to revisit. thanks for reading!

the REAL answer

Thursday, September 23, 2010
when someone asks "hey, how are you?" how do you normally respond? do you say "terrible. i lost my job, my kids are failing school, my husband and i dont have sex..." or do you simply reply "fine"? no matter what the real answer is to that question, more times than not, the socially acceptable thing is to say "fine".

what about this question: "why are you single?" who hasn't been asked that in some form or another? how do you reply?

today, and today only, i will tell my readers all the answers to that:

1. i am NEEDY- i need regular phone calls. if i tell you im sick, i need you to check on me at least once a day. dont just find out im sick and call me back when you think im not sick anymore depending on what it is. if you dont call (which i prefer), i'd like a "thinking of you" text or email. i require a lot of communication.

2. im not emotionally ready for a relationship- the things i hear-- like the possibility of someone elses child being someone's husband's and the child is 4 weeks older than the wife's child--let me know i couldn't do it. shadiness like his changing response would have me in tears just telling it to my friends, IF i could get the words out. im not emotionally mature in other ways either, i haven't learned to self-soothe for sadness, anger and frustration. when im upset and you're not readily available, i cant handle it.

3. i really dont know how to be in a healthy, meaningful relationship- the few "boyfriends" ive had were emotionally distant in my opinion. maybe that's why i demand so much attention from anyone im dating now. ive been on what i consider 3 real dates in my life. two nights where things went as i would have liked them to go for the most part. each time, i think ive done something to ruin my chances of getting a second date. i wont count the third time so heavy since i didnt care if we went out again.

4. i let dudes get away with stuff- i let stuff build up that dudes do instead of confronting them right away about feeling disrespected. what winds up happening is i come at them with a barrage of accusations of offenses committed and they are sitting confused with the "where is this coming from, crazy bitch" face.

5. i settle- i waste time with dudes who i know arent right for me to begin with thinking "well, it's him or nobody". there are plenty of dudes i can walk away from citing various excuses for why i cant be bothered but there are those who i'm like "but he's cute, maybe i'll change my mind. maybe im being too swift with my decision". there are others who im just like "but he looks like he can fuck" and then we get to talking and i get attached.

6. i have sex with dudes when i shouldn't- while im being honest, i might as well add this to the list

7. i can be a doormat with dudes- really people in general but im working on it

i dont know what else a dude might find unappealing about me. these are just the qualities i find sickening in myself. so there you have my conjecture about why i'm single aside from my normal disinterest in marriage/having a significant other. i can blame others all day long but there are two people in a relationship so i need to account for my role in the failure.

date night- no fireworks

Wednesday, September 22, 2010
i went on a date with annoying dude from the other night. here's how i got to that point. he texted me saying something like "i knew i shouldnt have left it up to u, u jerk..." which of course i ignored. i guess he realized his error and said that it would be nice if he could get a response so that he could proceed with the plans he'd made for us. i was intrigued by the fact the boy made plans so i replied. he then asked would he be picking me up and i was like get the fuck out of here! plans AND an offer to pick me up? it must be my birthday! i still dealt with him not knowing that pulling up to my house and me running out would never do but he didnt give me too much static. i wanted to know where we were going but he didnt want to tell me. i explained that i live with my parents and they need to know something. he said tell them the movies. i asked if we were in fact going there and he said we could go there, too. he was determined to do what he'd planned.

so what did he have planned? BATTING CAGES! i'd been waiting all summer for other useless person to take me as he volunteered he would after hearing how good a time i had memorial day weekend at the batting cages. that never came to be and im saying, the event only set this boy back $10 but whatever. i didnt know he was paying attention when we briefly spoke about baseball at the party and the fact that i like batting cages.

after we went to ruby tuesday because it was literally touching the movie theater where he purchased tickets before we ate. we saw The Other Guys and it was definitely funnier than i expected so i made a good pick.

during dinner we talked and this boy is not into anything. not really into sports so he doesnt care about football, which i love. and if he had to care, he'd be a redskins fan, which i hate. not a big movie buff. refers to pop songs as "white people music" which is fine but the way he said it was like it wasnt acceptable...i mean i love all kinds of music. im not drake's number 1 fan and it seems like he is...he's very corny and he talks A LOT. he's nice and maybe the fact that he's the opposite of what i typically go for is something i should give a chance but i dont know. plus i was kinda rude to him so who knows if i have a chance?

i had a good time and it was something new/different than im used to. i'll make a final decision if i get a second date.

*update*- there was no second date. some people say i should have never gone on the first one but whatever. i got to go on a date to the batting cages as i'd wanted to do. next, i want a date to take me to the gun range. i won't die if i dont get that but it seems like it would be fun!

a counselor's tips for living life

Tuesday, September 21, 2010
T asked that i give my perspective as new counselor on how one can get the most out of life, or at least that's how i interpretted it. here we go. im giving brief rundowns of whatever concepts come to mind so if clarification is needed, leave me a comment. also, i should say these are my opinions and interpretations of material covered in my master's program and not necessarily that of my master's program/instructors. this is pretty broad so i welcome specific questions. i'll try to keep this short.

1. remember there is no set formula: people come from all kinds of home situations. people from backgrounds you could not imagine go on to be wildly successful, something we discuss and term "resilience". others, from intact families can be the world's biggest fuck ups. dwelling on the cards you were dealt is one of some people's biggest hinderances.

2. strive for balance: i guess i'll stick to the family example. there are over-involved, high expressing of emotion or "enmeshed" families (you love how i'm giving you counselor terms that are regular words you can use everyday). then, there are distant families. again, great people can come from either but for best results, it appears that those who come from families with instilled values but respect for difference fair better than most other family types.

3. look for patterns: most often we see patterns from our family of origin play out in every other aspect of our lives. for example, someone can treat their boss like their mother and their spouse like their child. you may not think the genogram your family therapist asks you to complete with him/her is the best use of your time but it's the best use of your therapist's time and will bring to light many things you never noticed or considered. it exposes patterns of mental and physical illness as well as relational patterns and opens up the conversation of where you might see the relationship between your mom and her estranged in your own life. once you recognize patterns, determine what they are doing for you or what purpose they are no longer serving and why they're a problem. then do something about them.

4. dysfuntional behavior was functional at some point: whatever is causing arguments between you and loved ones was once something you all needed to be happening. when something is no longer working, find out how your needs have changed. Is there a new addition to the family so you no longer need the now second youngest to be so needy to distract you from issues in your marriage? Is your previously unemployed boyfriend now getting job offers taking him away from the house and leaving you with no one to take care of, which you need to do because you've always taken care of SOMEONE in your life?

5. being a teenager sucks: that's really all i have to say. no, but seriously there are a lot of issues during this time because it's often considered the period of life marked with the most change. almost as difficult is "emerging adulthood" which is just an extension of adolescents that some researchers say extends into the 30s. the adolescent period of previous generations has been extended to account for further education and delays in starting families. for adolescents and emerging adults, the most helpful thing seems to be recognizing that one is not alone so talking about things is key. sounds easier than it is.

im not calling you!

Monday, September 20, 2010
this bamma got in my seat!

make that 4 dudes now im giving the *bbm not interested face*. for the third weekend in a row, ive gone out/partied. 4 times this month, i've turned down opportunities (or potential failures from males). i left out the one dude who might have been feeling me at my friend's birthday party because basically he was just interviewing me. i got some info about him but i was interested so i go his name and the fact that he didn't finish school. this was after i learned he was a weedhead. that didnt matter because i simply was not interested in old boy from the start. so 5 dudes for real but back to number 4/5.

sir, i entertained your advances because you were the only dude not crowding the kitchen area. i would later learn that you merely distracted me from the the rude guest consuming all the alcohol and then dipping the fuck out. i also entertained your advances because they entertained me. you were'nt attractive, so i cant say they were flattering but i wasn't bored. here's where you fucked up me being your friend:

1. following some basic rude broads who showed up just for liquor out the door with your boy- he later verbosely explained that he was playing wing man. we grown, your dude is weak because he could not execute the number getting in the period in which the girls were there. they were there long enough by my standards. and they were fucking BASIC.

2. you're friends with a shady character- he was trying to get a girl's number who wasnt interest. dont know if he succeeded but in the process of supposed to be getting my friend's car from the possession of the police, he attempted to get ANOTHER average-looking chick's number while she's driving and we have too many people in a car and the police are behind us. you both make thirsty ass, poor decisions because, you were driving and missed our turn. sidenote: police had her car because her dumb ass boyfriend wanted cigs and took her car, got literally 5 seconds away and got pulled over. he spent the night in jail. im not sad about that. and your friend does all this extra mess but it caking to some female who was clearly pissed at him when we got back to the apartment (girlfriend?). idk, then threw a bitch fit at a female party-goer. dudes who argue with females over petty shit are an ultimate turn off AND the argument was your goofball fault.

3. you put your hands in my hair and asked about my ethnicity- do. not. touch. my hair. i had my hair pinned up but i recognized it probably looked dumb. my friend convinced me to wear it out and you put your hands all in it tryna calm me down but 1. im not mad because i dont give a shit what basic bitch you talk to, just dont come back thinking im giving you the number 2. i know you're just doing a weave test. am i black? my parents are regular black and so are all 4 of my grandparents. any mexican in there? i dont fucking know, i told you the extent of my known lineage now shut up! i need a touch up, bitch, shit is wavy over here...

4. you gave me your number- cardinal sin. i dont initiate phone calls with dudes below a certain level of attractiveness. what time are you seeing me tomorrow/monday? you figure out where you'd like to go then call me and ask to meet me or pick me up. i gotta call you and plan something to do? do i look like i put forth that much effort? i didnt even wear spanks and this outfit called for it. still looked better than every bitch at the party except the bday girl (always my aim) but i was also doing less than what i could do.

5. if you couldn't tell, im doing ME- i danced by myself. when you tried to join in, i walked away. when everyone was acting silly and hypersexual to super sexy 90s songs, i danced on the chair and on the floor. you tried to join in and i made some excuse to get up and be like naw when my girl brought the camera out. "im tryna be a therapist" is never what i care about because my clients would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS see my facebook page. reminds me i should make this blog private or something. idk, the bad shit has already been said and is out there.

this post is getting too long. why can't someone get your number?

*update* at the time of publishing, have gone on a date with old boy. he somehow got my number. won't share how but there's only a couple of ways he could have so whatever. more info on that in another post

im probably not black

Friday, September 17, 2010
nope, im not black. not stereotypically at least. and that's what matters because race is socially constructed. we all bleed the same blood and shit. anyway, here's why i might not be your average black chick.

1. i dont think music is just hiphop/rap/r&b. i know that words to those journey songs and i will sing them louder than you and your friends

2. i dont tie my hair up every single night. i have a satin pillowcase because that is just the kind of lazy i am

3. relaxer every 6-8 weeks? try 6-8 months. im on some twice a year ish

4. i dont like ribs. i'll eat them if there's nothing else but there's usually something else

5. i dont like fried chicken. i'd much rather have it baked

6. the movie love jones did nothing for me

7. the coldest winter ever is on my list of worst books ever read

8. my name is Ashley. to me, that is the whitest name ever. if i google myself all kinds of white bitches come up. the chick with my same full name? WHITE (weird because my middle name is not common)

9. i do not like designs on my nails. ive gotten them maybe 3 times in my life. not something im into. i dont even like seeing others with it

10. i cant even think of a tenth thing black people stereotypically like because im not "black" enough

RE-POST from 2/11/09: ashley-isms

Thursday, September 16, 2010
the way i see things.

friend: but i actually have a date tomorrow and im trying to see how imma get past my mama

me: oh wow
volunteer interest meeting?

friend: lmao

me: technically thats not a lie. ur voluntarily meeting to see if ur interested in him

in case you're curious, there is a legit reason why my grown ass friend has to get past her mommy. you would have to, too if your mom is like our moms and holds things over your head like say, your unemployment status and choice in extracurricular activities.

needs assessment

Wednesday, September 15, 2010
it's always nice to take a quick inventory and analyze your needs. this may take the form of perusing your wardrobe to see what staples are missing. or maybe you've come to realize that your eyeshadow collection doesn't have any purple. when weighing a job offer, you might consider what each position provides that the others don't. how about choosing an insurance plan or cell phone provider? i bet you consider what's being offered and what it is you actually need.

i'm not one to give advice but PJD asked me to talk more on relationships. i approach relationships on the attraction factor. the first things i notice are eyes and smile. next, i factor in how conversation goes and what things we have in common. do we mesh well (Clueless)? after all the honeymoon phase is over and we really are getting to know each other, the needs assessment comes in.

one thing i know i need is attention. if i call and ask you how your day was, im really interested in knowing. but i also live by "treat others as you'd like to be treated". so every now and again, i want you to ask me the same.

knowing these things about yourself is important and you should be able to bring this up in a conversation with the person you're seeing. of course, your approach matters and i admit my intial attempt was not best with the latest dude. i tried to change my tone but it was via text where wires are easily cross. his cavalier disregard for my feelings was indication enough that he was not a good fit.

assess your needs. what can and cannot be compromised?

that's a lot of look- tim gunn

Tuesday, September 14, 2010
T asked my to talk about trends that i love and those i hate. um, im an advocate of "do you" but there are just some things i dont like seeing. let's start with those.


...anything with your underpinnings showing. just because your bra straps are clear doesn't mean i can't see that shit. also NO ONE ever needs to see your thong. im over them. im sick of classic white/off-white and i do not appreciate black tips, turquoise or any other shade of hideous on the tips of your nails.

...leggings as pants. the first time leggings were in (i was in elementary), my mother made sure my shirt covered my butt. it's a rule i continue today. it's rule you should adopt today. i see your unshapely thighs and i see your underwear. do better. not to mention your gut hanging over the front.

...harem pants. those are disgusting. dont know how else to describe them

...rompers. only a few people can pull them off. a good 5% of the population. unfortunately, the other 95% are the ones wearing them.

...bad weaves. bitches aren't even trying anymore. they pride themselves on getting the tackiest, most unrealistic, plastic-looking weaves. shit looks like it stinks. #stopit #nolacefronts

...LV purses. no one else will agree with me but i dont care. i dont give a fuck how much they cost, they look cheap. i frown at people with patent leather ones. just doesnt look like real leather. i thought maybe the ones i was seeing on the street were all knockoffs so in atl, i went to the store. no, they looked horrible to me in there, too. never ever saw one i wanted. i always think, maybe next season. nope.

...all neon everything. makes me want to throw nickelodeon GAK on you. yea, i referenced that 90s toy because that's the era the crap you wear belongs in.


...a bad heel. give your outfit a pop of OUTRAGEOUS color or wear a demure nude. im into it. ignorant bold lip. neutral eye makeup and tastefully applied face makeup paired with a shocking hue on the lips is a winner in my book.

...solid, cream nail polish. go any color you want if there's no design.

...boyfriend jeans. i haven't seen anyone look bad in this style of jean. probably because they are not meant to be tight. "MESSAGE" #dontbeamenace...

...bustier dresses. nothing i'd ever wear because i have boobies, but the cut of those dresses looks cute on flatter chested women. im not talking about stuff that is interchangeable with bedroom wear. im just talking about the cut/style. they're normal dresses with a well-defined bodice. i imagine you get them from urban outfitters.

...bermuda shorts. i will forever love these because i can't see the dark part of anyone's booty who wears 'em.

RE-POST from 4/12/08: in this club

Monday, September 13, 2010
things i don't like about the club in atlanta:

1. $20 to get in 'cause my friends are slow for no reason/indecisive/the club is extra wack if you get there too early-sometimes we get in free after 12 (thanks J) which is cool, i guess.
2. girls who wear outfits that are unattractive simply b/c they are most revealing- doesn't have have much to do with me, but i just don't enjoy looking at it. not only are you some naked woman, i can't steal style tips from you.
3. friends who try to get free drinks off of guys they have no interest in and somehow get me involved in the fiasco- i prefer to purchase my own drinks. i don't want to feel obligated to give you any time from my life because you just spent $12 on some watered down alcohol. maybe i should not feel like i do about it but i do and what i feel does not feel good.
4. watered down, over-priced drinks.
5. your father still in the club and trying to dance with me- do you even know the songs they are playing unless they play throwbacks? and if you do, exactly why?
6. my ears ringing well into the next day.
7. calories due to consuming sugary drinks and then wanting to go eat before and after.

things i dont like about the club in DC/MD/VA:

1. numbers 2-7- ive never had to pay $20 to get in a club in the area. usually i don't pay anything or it' s like $5 all night. also, at home, NO MAN is gonna buy you a drink so stop trying!
2. people not accepting my ID. when i turned 21 i did not switch my ID, so it's still vertical. i didnt switch b/c i dont want to donate $40 to the district for an ID that won't expired until 2010 (that's how they get you). so although i am clearly 21 and the ID is authentic, some lames will not honor it.
3. i don't go home to my own apartment; i go to my parents' house- they don't sleep until i walk in the door (i'm the baby), so at 4, 5 or even 6 am i have to be questioned about what and how much i had to drink, what specific bar i went to, which of my friends were there, what was the bartender's name, what was the DJ's name, approximately how many people were in attendance and what their names were...
4. i HAVE to go home and not sleep at a friend's house because of #3
5. this story: one night this winter, i planned to go grab a drink with a friend i met at spelman who happened to be from DC. she and i met up in adams morgan and checked out a couple of bars. since there was no cover, we would leave if we didnt like how it was. we settled on one bar that she promised would get interesting as the night progressed. it did not. the bartender befriended us and though i had only purchased one drink, i ended up consuming several (honestly 7-10). she said she would get my drinks and he charged her for like 4 out of 20 between the two of us. no, i should not have had that much to drink and THEN decide to drive home but i did. GOD made sure i was the only one on the road and the worst thing i did was accidentally run a red light. anyway, i get home and do the best parking job ever!!!! and my key isn't working. mind you, my key is a copy of a copy so it has the tendency to not work especially in the coldest part of the winter. so my mom is awake and comes to open the door. i say "my key isn't working" and she tries it and it doesn't work for her either. my dad is as the top of the stairs "yea, keys tend not work when you're DRUNK AS SHIT" and is laughing. my dad doesn't curse at me unless he is extremely angry which is never or he thinks he is being funny. when i finally wake up at 4pm the next day, my dad is still talking about it, "Regina, did you see how drunk you daughter was last night?". then my brother comes home because the previous night was his birthday and he was probably doing much worse things than I, and my father says "hey Will, you missed it. Ashley, tell your brother how DRUNK you were". me: "no one thinks you're funny..." then these people take me to my grandmother's house and leave out details but say i didnt come home until 4 am. then i have to hear grandma's thoughts but luckily she was disinterested/distracted. so then that wasn't enough because we go to my favorite uncle's house whose response was in my favor and makes me a drink from his bar in his basement. i know what i did was bad but it just set the stage for everytime i go out at home from now on.

what i like about the club:
nothing, really. it's where my friends want to go and there is little else we can do at night because we don't plan and we often have different interests and/or budgets.

what did i leave out?

3 times is a #fail

Friday, September 10, 2010
3 times? really. i should have gotten the number 3x

1st time i shoulda got the #: i was sent to a temp assignment where a fellow associate was already working for the week. the government WASTES money (but you already knew that) because they never needed a second person on that assignment. anyway, temp worker was cute. i couldn't decide if i wanted him for me or T. then i decided T probably wouldn't be interested. THEN i couldn't guage his level of interest. was he chattin' me up and hanging around my desk out of sheer boredom or was he feeling me. oh well, he's 27+. he better go for what he wants. so i guess he didn't want me. or maybe i didnt want him because i should have got the number.

2nd time i shoulda got the #: i had a shopping adventure between shifts at the kennedy center. i took the bus back that would drop me off right in front of the building, the end of the line. just as i'm about to get off driver asks if i work there. and i responded to the affirmative. he asked if so-and-so was still there and shared he worked there "a long time ago". dude looked 19 so...i was like ok. and just got off the bus because i was tired, sweaty, in half a uniform and not cute because you could see my bra through my thin white shirt. had i felt more confident, i would have chatted him up and GOT THE NUMBER because busdrivers get $$$ #golddiggerflow

3rd time i shoulda got the #: in the club with my girl of italian descent and my other girl of, i wanna say, indian descent we're approached by 2/3 guys. i say that because the 3rd guy was not focused and he danced with us a little and danced with a group of girls near us a lot who were clearly not with us. he didnt arrive with the other two and was drunk. anyway. the other two divided their time pretty evenly between myself and my girls but as the night progressed, i became interested in the italian jew. at least that's what i think he told me he was. he was white but not, you know, regular white. and he was tryna say over the music as we're standing by the dj and speaker that he was a weird combo. i didnt know how to feel about him because a Journey song came on and as i belted out the words, he chuckles and goes, "are you black?!" when i returned from the bathroom, just 1 boy was with my friends and my friends realized that metro was closing soon so we needed to leave. i was good because i drove but when my girls leave, i leave. we should have stayed since i ended up taking them home anyway but i didnt have the foresight to know i'd want ihop when we walked out of the door. and my friend seems to think they said they were Ph.D students in psychology. #fail #fail #fail they were nice.


Thursday, September 9, 2010
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need

-rolling stones

impromptu art & soul

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

i had a chance to dine at the Top Chef Masters contestant Art Smith's capitol hill restaurant. the visit was unplanned as i stopped by a friend's office after a job interview and her boss, another friend, asked if i was going with her. i knew nothing of the event but that's how friends are, right? friends also respond saying "she can't afford it". im glad she knows what's in my account in this instance but seems not to be too concerned any other time but ok. whatever because i went. i'll keep my being offended to myself if it means to try a new upscale restaurant without laminated menus. plus, im not really mad i wasnt invited. ive been included on other things.

and my holding my tongue paid off because her mom paid for my meal. would not have mattered because i could, in fact, afford it but whatever. im glad because it was not all that. the waiter recommended the spicy shrimp for me, my friend got the same. her mom and coworker got fried chicken and mashed potatoes. coworker's daughter got a turkey burger and fries. other coworker got ribs and greens. nothing looked especially appetizing and my meal was just ok so im glad i didnt pay. 3.50 for a sprite with no refills? i was less than thrilled. i didnt take pics. sorry. we were late and i was around folks i was only meeting for the second time. everyone reported that they were disappointed in how everything was seasoned.

the menu was not extensive and nothing particularly stuck out. i did see some sizzling macaroni and cheese go by me and wished i would have ordered that. the atmosphere was nice as we dined alongside capitol hill staffers and the like. oh, i have to mention that the restaurant is inside the Liason hotel. the front desk is connected to the restaurant by a small lobby and i guess the restroom is shared. on the way to the restroom, we saw that the hotel was offering complimentary "welcome drinks". the shot glass-full of punch was nice, i guess.

there's nothing i want to go back for but im glad i tried it.

RE-POST from 3/9/09: is this your friend?

Tuesday, September 7, 2010
riding metro on friday night after watching watchmen i so non-descretely snapped a photo of this attrocity:

before we get to the main event, let's first discuss how though the high might have been 60, that does not warrant you rocking a top that called for 80. more importantly, how you just gonna grin with that sitting beside you? you cant see the full effect but shorty needed to have spanx on. if you need to wear a long-sleeved top, you probably dont need your kid sister's mini skirt on. you especially dont need it if you havent gone through not one jar of fat girl slim OR fat girl sleep.
here are some ways to tell if you should not wear a mini skirt:

1. you cellulite is not only pronounced but is red
2. you are riding public transportation (probably the reason your thighs are red in the first place. all bare-skinned on public transit)
3. you dont have friends who will tell you about yourself

not only is this girl wrong but i cant stress who un-right her friend is. be a friend and let your girl know it's a "no maam", code ten, man down situation. damn!

her not-so saving grace? that chanel bag. didnt save her all the way because if you have to funds to invest in that back, i need you to invest in more fabric to cover that ass. and if it's fake, i want your fake bag not to have more material than the skirt you have on. oh well, real or not, her bag was hot...

a guide for college students

Monday, September 6, 2010
T asked for my advice to college students. my sentiments are simple: your experience is what you make it. make mistakes, get in (a little) trouble, make friends, enjoy being dirt poor and having someone else foot the bill, do your part and get a part-time job, fall in love, fall out of love, join clubs, go to parties, take leadership positions, fight with your roommate, make up with your roommate, fail a course. ok, maybe not that last one. but honestly, i feel like i did all of that and more that i cant remember. i went SOMEWHERE on every spring break except when i got my wisdom teeth taken out. i had adventures (read i got lost a lot). i learned how to be on my own but still knowing i had a fallback with my family. everyone's college experience is unique but everyone would agree that no other time in their life was like it. best wishes!

branding yourself

Friday, September 3, 2010
"you are your own brand. you're representing YOU, not xyz company. so do what's in your best interest"- my big brother

i weigh my decisions carefully. i have since i got my very first job working at 6 Flags in 10th grade. i've always been career minded and present myself professionally. even when i was mistreated at an internship (actually two internships now), i drafted a respectful letter of resignation. i didn't owe the first place that much and at the second, i did it because my actions would have been a reflection on the university and not just myself.

in discussing my current survival plan with my brother, he said those words quoted above. first of all, i was stressing about things that don't matter. what else is new? anyway, im working these jobs to stay afloat until i officially begin my CAREER. when i work for a company giving me salary and benefits, then i can be concerned for their best interest. when im a shift worker or temping around the city, i must focus on MY best interest. what's convenient for me as i work toward the greater goal of the career I am interested in?

so if that means getting hired somewhere and then leaving when a better opportunity comes along, then so be it. i beleive wholeheartedly in loyalty but it has to be mutual. if i feel im expendible anyhow, then i will treat you accordingly. an opportunity is only good for me as long as i dont have something better going on.

i cannot stress enough that my feelings are completely different for something permanent, in my field. if i make a commitment to an organization, i will find every way possible to make it work.

Bonus Post: no make-ups

Normally, I post once a weekday unless I'm in some sort of mood. Today's bonus post centers on the phrase "let me make it up to you". I'm like a college professor you don't wanna take; there are no make-ups.

If I ask you to do something for me, it's probably something I could do myself but it would make my life easier if someone else did it or it's something I simply cannot do on my own and get the desired results. But if I ask you for something, it's for when I ask you/when I need it by. I want what I want when I want it.

That might sound bratty, but if you fail, I will find other ways or go without. Don't come to me next day on some make-up shit. The need has expired and I don't want you half-assed attempt at reconsiliation. I'm not mad you didn't come through for me. I'm over that. I'm more annoyed at the after-the-fact shit. I don't want/need it no more and it probably impacts on what I had planned for myself moving forward as I've found that you are of no help. Just let the shit go. I have.

Nene eye would forever be talking "let me make it up". How bout you still owe me make ups for times 3, 4, and 5. I don't see people as having debts with me so stop trying to rack them up. Either you did or you didn't but you don't have a negative balance. Just come through next time, if there is a next time.

Shit is never "made-up" anyway. What takes the place of having something when you needed it? Nothing makes you have a sandwich packed for your lunch when you're rushing and don't have time but someone is making sandwiches anyway and you hadn't been paid yet so you had no $. And whatever, I didn't die. But don't chase me down on payday with a lunch prepared when I have plans to eat out after carrying my lunch all week and then act hurt when I say I don't want it.

That was the simplest example I could think of. And yes, I know I'm a spoiled brat and that was a petty example but whatever.

goals, plans, aspirations

Thursday, September 2, 2010
PJD got on the request line for this month's series and asked that i speak on my goals in life. i'll take this time to share what im working toward career-wise and i'll explain why ive tried my best to avoid planning too far in advance.

you haven't seen too many posts on here about anything taking place more than about 6 months down the line. why? because although i tout myself as a thinker and planner, it's my belief that humans shouldn't count too much on there being a tomorrow. i remember a bible lesson about thinking ahead of yourself. what i took from it was not to be foolish and squander money but to also realize that God doesn't promise that you will see anything come into fruition. planning for the next 5 and 10 years is fine but don't be so arrogant as to really think that HAS to happen for you. of course, im a little shakey on my scripture (another topic for another day), so i cant direct you to the passage, nor can i clarify as much as i'd like.

the other reason i haven't been planning too far in advance is that i noticed that i'd been putting forth a lot of effort and energy to have something take place and others are like "yea, i did it the night before" and got equal or better results. im not one to wait til the last minute but im not doing anything 6 weeks in advance when there's a possibility that waiting can be advantageous. i'm trying to keep unnecessary stress at a minimum. i get stressed trying to make something happen far in advance. i choose to relax and deal with issues as they arise if it's something not that serious.

so what do i want to do with my life? i'm wrapping up my master's in clinical mental health. to do what? to become a therapist. what does it take to become a therapist? a master's degree, a national exam (to be taken in October), and 2 years of supervised work experience. where will i complete the 2 years? not sure. at a community mental health agency. this might be an outpatient or residential facility. what population do i wish to serve? children and adolescents. what will i specialize in? im undecided. my internship was in behavioral and emotional issues, as well as family issues. i will probably stay in with that focus. where will i work? for the 2 years, i will remain in DC, MD, VA metro area just because i can live at home if i need to and i know the area so that's one less concern for this stressful period. after then, im open. i think T has her bid in for the Chi so that's an option.

anything else you want to know about future career goals?

Subscriber Selection Series

Wednesday, September 1, 2010
i just love alliteration but that really should be "reader selection series" and it begins this month. each weekday for the month of September, i'll be posting what YOU'VE asked for. a few weeks ago, i asked for comments regarding what sorts of things you'd like me to cover. additionally, i'll be revisiting so old posts. i'll be re-posting things ive written over the course of the almost 3 years i've been blogging and maybe the following day, i'll have some corrections to the old posts if i've changed my mind on something. not likely, but possible. in October, it's back to posting whenever. i have no idea what's in store but i hope you'll stick around to find out with me!