maybe "shy" isnt the word

Friday, October 29, 2010
i was going to wait to say something until shit was wrapped up with a bow on it or it was ugly in the bottom of the trashcan like those yellow wrappers around sanitary napkins. but some stuff just doesnt have an ending or resolution. sometimes you're just left wondering what might have been. and plus this goes with this "do it now" thing im on so yea.

went to the bar with some friends last night after class. girl told me some dude tripped on nothing supposedly looking at me and it was funny. now im sitting here mad that i didnt see and wondering if it was my dude. shrug.

i go to get my last drink and boy who had, like my friend, won a free happy hour walked up and was like "can i go in front of u?" i must have been in a good mood b/c i was gonna let him. mainly b/c free happy hr people already have cups so it would take no time to get whatever he wanted. but he was joking. he was interested in what i was ordering and i told him. he said he'd get it. that was my in.

i returned to my table like "should i, or shouldnt i?" he was attractive and he seemed nice enough. but im "shy" or maybe it's a confidence issue. but i had my "in". i would just casually walk by later and see if he liked what he copy catted off of me.

he was in mixed company and i couldnt tell what everyone's relationship to one another was. like some sort of predator, i waited til the woman he was seated beside left or went to the bathroom or wherever she went. i walked myself over there and asked him how he liked the drink and he probably feigned interest but we exchanged information.

if nothing else comes of this, at least i did it instead of wondering what COULD have happened if i didnt. plus i wouldnt have gotten the chance to pick up on his accent and learn that he was an ATLien (oh, i miss JAWJA).

i dont often like the dudes who approach me but i also do not like being the pursuer. what preference do you have? does it even matter? something about the personality of guys who approach me is just obnoxious. im also frustrated with dudes who never say anything and im convinced that old boy would have never said a word if i hadnt. does that mean he simply wasnt that interested despite the fact that someone said he'd been looking in our direction? maybe i wasnt the one he was looking at...

photographic evidence of doing it now

Thursday, October 28, 2010

i did it now! roaming around dupont, i wanted to try a burger joint i'd heard about called Rogue States. unfortunately, it was closed 'til further notice. wonder what that was about. i'll assume it was regarding a liquor license and not something major like health codes. GROSS. anywho, i spotted another burger place just a few blocks up: BGR The Burger Joint. i walked on, because i wasnt quite hungry yet and i wanted to visit a few more stores.

i promised myself i'd go back because i was on my "do it now" stuff. i'm so glad i did. not because the food was good, because it really wasnt all that, but because i now know i dont need to go because i've been!

i got the lunch box or whatever the lunch special is called, which includes a burger, regular fries, and a drink for $8.99. i wanted sweet potato fries so that was an extra $1 plus tax. at that point i was only saving about a dollar because at first, i'd ordered a la carte and i was just about to pay when the girl asked if i wanted the special.

the burger was huge with a shiny bun which only signified one thing to me: oil. either butter or olive oil had to be responsible for that oily appearance. that was nothing compared to what oozed out of the burger when i too my first bite. i was going to take a pic of all the oil that came out but i decided that would be too offensive. i got a generous serving of sweet potato fries but those double fried strips weren't anything to write home about.

have you been there? did i just go on a bad day?

My Xmas Present to Myself

Wednesday, October 27, 2010
in honor of my post entitled "do it now", i've just made arrangements for some holiday travel. well, not really holiday but it is in December. southwest is having a damn RIDICULOUS sale right now and i got a flight to the chi for $60 each way. isnt that insane?!!

my sister has already been to chicago plenty of times so she's not interested. my friend has been a couple of times as well. ive never been and one of my favorite people lives there so it's time for a visit.

this is my graduation present to myself, as well. i wanted to go somewhere with white sands and clear waters but im not on that kind of budget. i'll make due with freezing temps and harsh winds in a new city i wish to explore.

share your "do it now" adventures. that's the theme for 2011 so comment on this or any future post with what you did!

do it now!

Monday, October 25, 2010
is this you? "i really want to try [insert thing you've never done here] but i have no one to go with". how about this? "that would be a nice place to go on a date".

for a while i was saying this and passing up opportunities for fun and entertainment in hopes that i'd have someone to accompany me. recently, ive been doing things with my sister but that's not enough. she's not always available, nor is she always interested.

so ive made the decision to do things now. there's nothing wrong with trying that new eatery alone so go and do it. and if you like it, then you can suggest it to your friends when you're out and they're being indecisive about what to grab. because i've run into that problem, too. i can never contribute to a discussion of what to do because i havent done anything. but SOMEHOW others have tried places. why? because they went by themselves or with other people.

there's not too many things i wont do by myself. and yes, some experiences are better with others. but, if you're like me, you're not a big fan of other people to begin with. it's sometimes nice to not have to wait on someone else to get ready and deal with inconsiderate behavior.

what's something you've been dying to do but couldn't because no one was interested or available? or am i the only one who is socially inept and doesnt have any friends?

i look like ME!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010
1. i do not look like another ethinicity
him: what's your nationality?
me: american
him: *rolls eyes* i mean, your ethinicity
me: african-american
him: *sigh* where are your parents from?
me: DC
him *heavy sigh*

2. i dont look like a celebrity
i had an ex tell me i looked like rudy huxtable, especially in my kid pictures. and i would have to disagree that i look anything like my spelman sister, keisha knight pulliam.

said ex's sister added me (for the 100th time b/c she keeps changing her accounts) on facebook and in her message wrote that i have always looked like janet jackson to her. i WISH i could be so lucky. i wouldnt mind looking like her with one of her older noses.

3. i do not look like my brother
will is lightskinned, well, he's browned out a LITTLE since we got older. i'm dark skinned. he has thicker eyebrows and more almond-shaped eyes than i do. his lips are thicker than mine. and if you havent noticed, IM A GIRL. all through high school, i was "lil will". how awkward is that when "lil" and a boy's name usually meant the boy was someone the girl was dating? even when introduced to parents of my brother's friends. "oh yes, you look just like william". thanks. i look like a 200+ pound man.

4. i do not look like my sister (anymore)
i will admit that for a brief time in my childhood, i looked just like my sister. i saw a picture of my sister and my dad and even i said "i dont remember this" and my dad was like "you shouldn't; you werent born". that time has passed, yet my sister and i can still trick people into thinking we're twins. we get people excitedly asking "who's older?" and we look at each other and tell them tiffany is older. and then they say "by how much?" and we look again and say "about 11 years". i told her we need to say 11 minutes if we wanna stop getting side eyes.

death wish

Tuesday, October 19, 2010
im taking grief and bereavement this semester. all my classes overlap so it's been reiterated how important it is to share your wishes with loved ones. i didn't know i had an opinion beyond not having a casket and having my organs donated but i do. i dont believe my family can handle this conversation so here's what i want.
  • donate my organs- im not using them
  • put me right in the ground- caskets are EXPENSIVE. $3000? donate that to an AIDS foundation or start a scholarship at Spelman College. find a state that doesn't have that law about the deceased being in a casket OR tell them that I was Muslim or something and circumvent that law. no matter what you put me in, my body will decompose to to something that gets in or whatever it is that already lives inside of me. im good without a casket.
  • i dont care much about what you dress me in. do what makes you feel better but i will say i love sweats and if it's summer and im dead, put me in some of those pajama shorts.
  • i want my face BEAT- give me a smokey eye and an ignorant bold lip. i know it's incongruent with what i wish to wear but when has congruence ever been my forte????

if i had a kid....

Monday, October 18, 2010
how many yom kippers has it been since i did one of these? (yom kipper is more important than hannukah but americans make it seem different since hannukah happens near christmas. it's true because someone jewish told me).

gather 'round boys and girls for a story. this story stars 3rd grade antithesis.

i had a computer teacher who would profess that he was "M.E.A.N". on the first day of class he said he was "Mean Evil AND Nasty". we all knew it because the class would sing it along with him when he said it. he said it often and would pride himself on it.

8 year old me thought, oh you mean, huh? imma stay out your way. this was the wrong attitude because grades came for the quarter and this old man gave me a D. all As and a D showed up on my report card and my parents' response was "what gives?". my mom was like "you spend all that time on the computer and you bring a D home in COMPUTERS?" my parents always gave us the benefit of the doubt and my explanation that i did all that was asked of me was accepted so Regina went up to the school.

do you know what this teacher did? he confirmed i had passed all assignments with satisfaction however, he thought i did not like him. A COMPLETELY GREY-HAIRED MAN gave me a D because i supposedly did not like him. my mom was like "that never has anything to with how a grade is factored. i was given a chance to state my case and all i said was something about not feeling as he thought i did. the grade was not changed but i got Bs for the other 3 quarters.

fast forward to whatever boy or girl i spew out. let that be my kid. i would teach baby girl or little man to say how he really feels. what did i really feel? i remember thinking i never care about you to love or hate you. the fact that you're so "M.E.A.N", i would have never guessed that a senior citizen such as yourself cares what an eight year old thinks of him.

my kid would have to know that adults are not more than children whose cells divided to make them bigger. idiotic children USUALLY become ignorant ass adults. i was raised not to treat adults as peers but when an adult shows that they are not deserving of that respect, i want my kids to feel comfortable telling them just how they feel. there's nothing to lose. this was just the first incident of an inappropriately given D that was never changed. really wishing i'd gone the hell off on each one of those foolish people. so, you see how i lost faith in humans at an early age, right?

even at 24, i constantly feel as though i reserve comments for people more than i should. i have to work on tactful (read: sans profanity) ways to say how i really feel because no one gives a damn how they talk to/treat me.

why i dont buy guys gifts

Friday, October 15, 2010
simply put, i get carried away when it's gift-giving time. it's hardly ever reciprocated so i'm kinda over gift-giving in general. some shitty stuff has happened to me and despite this, i still get excited when it's christmas or a birthday. let's revisit some things i've bought for guys who never deserved it. my career in gift-giving, much like my dating, was short-lived.

1. monogrammed beer mug from Things Remembered

who was it for? the college boyfriend who i chose over hs boyfriend who wound up ruining my life (as i saw it at the time). email me if you'd like to know how and i may share.

why wasn't it worth it? he was a REDSKINS FAN. it was a redskins bear mug monogramed for his wack ass. i can't believe i spent my unemployed, cant recall how i even had it money on that weedhead degenerate. we broke up in the most embarassing of ways shortly after. did you really have to call me to walk over to morehouse suites just to break up with me? tell me that shit on the phone and save me the walk in the cold. luckily, i was prepared and brought my girl with me. that was a good move. not so good move was going downstairs and sobbing in front of friends we mutually had.

2. new balances and laptop bag

who was it for? my computer nerd college boyfriend

why wasn't it worth it? these were expensive purchases for a college student. the bag was a specialty bag and new balances are never all that cheap. he was never really into me. he got rejected by some chick he'd liked for a while following a break-up with some other chick. we we friends and he kissed me out of convenience. i wasn't into him at first either, but he grew on me. unfortunately, i did not have a similar effect on him. As soon as he finalized his acceptance to the second half of his dual-degree program which would take him to michigan while i had one more year at spelman, i was out on my ass.

3. a specialty journal with inspirational quotes that i knew he would enjoy.

who was it for? "krappa". he never gave two shits about me so he was never a boyfriend or even a friend but i liked him so much, like an idiot. he liked the gift, though. who doesn't love undeserved riches?

why wasn't it worth it? i thought way too much of someone who thought less than nothing of me. it was as if he made a sport of being a terrible friend and made no apologies for it. yet i still continuted to entertain his intermitant pop-ups and included him in my Christmas shopping list.

my hs boyfriend was on to something when he refused to let me spend a dime on him. if we did anything, he paid. he never got me gifts and crap. i really should have been ok with that. doesnt mean @booskee9 should stop sending me stuff on my bday and vday....

finally definitely maybe

Thursday, October 14, 2010
Until this very second I have had no idea what I wanted to do. When asked what degree I'm working toward, I have a solid answer and I just hope the inquiry stops there. It rarely does. "So what are you going to do with that? Are you going to work in schools?" No, I know for a fact that I do not want to be a school counselor. That was the extent of my knowledge.

I was never sure what population I wanted to work with. Not much appealed to me. Severely mentally ill people are a challenge I do not feel up for in my mere 24 years of life. Substance abuse and criminal justice are not my forte either. All I knew, up until now, was that I MIGHT have a preference for adolescents. But that didn't mean I would not enjoy young children or adults, because I would.

An epiphany happened. Randomly, I know I want to work with LGBTQ consumers of mental health services. Let me specify something right now. So we're clear: although sexual minorities were once viewed as having mental illness by my profession, that is no longer the stance. Again, I do not wish to "cure" people of homosexuality. There is no such process.

What I have noticed in my grad school career is that this population is one of the most marginalized in just about every arena with the exception of fashion. That means that people face oppression and are ostracised at home, school, and work no matter where they are. I'm sure these clients will always have something to talk about.

I'm bored easily but I'm sure this population will provide me with a lot to work with. I'll see folks for anxiety, depression, family issues, career, relationship issues...all kinds of stuff will come up. And, I'll get to work with a range of ages. Even children because there are those kids who are gender varient (girls who want to be boys and vice versa). Yup, that's a thing.

So if you love me, cross your fingers and pray that this is the niche I've been looking for and hope that I'll find work with this population.

this happens far too often

Wednesday, October 13, 2010
dont let me think i'm the only one who experiences this.

my bus stop is at the top of the hill of the street i live on. the cross street is a major artery that flows from DC through MD. i stand and wait for my bus and endure honks and undeciferable hollers out of windows...year 'round. i can be wearing a north face and hat and hood. i could be wearing a trench holding an umbrella in pouring rain with limited visibility. i could be dressed in my best "i could give a hell what you think of me" uniform of "i got dress in 5 minutes in the dark" attire. it matters not. without fail, there is someone who tactlessly needs to communicate their interest. inevitably, someone void of standards is a passerby.

what gets me is the ones who will come to a stop. this happens less frequently as they restructured and made it one lane each way. if they chose to do this less than considerate act, any conversation would be drowned out by the honking of horns.

what REALLY gets me is the ones who will go around the block and come up on my street, stop to the right of me, and yell to me asking for my number. and just what do you have time to take this detour on the off chance that i also have no standards and no regard for my personal safety and would approach your car and get in? exactly why do a large percent of these hooligans think i would accept their offer of a ride to where i'm going? im standing at the damn bus stop. for $1.50, i can get a ride from metro and decrease my chances 100% of being chopped up in someone's wet basement. and yes, that is exactly how i think my body will end up. i cant say much for the cause of death but i know i'll be chopped into pieces for added insult.

have i already written on this? probably. but it is SO annoying that i needed to say something again.

i pity the fool...

Tuesday, October 12, 2010
*say the title of this post in your best ceelo green singing voice*

i pity the fool...

...who is waka flack flame.
...who believes the aforementioned "dumbs himself down" on purpose.
...who tweets anything non-football-related on sunday.
...who has run out of chances with me.
...who wishes to immulate rihanna's red hair
...who wears glamour lashes and no other makeup
...who thinks that just because I've refrained from going off on your ass in the past that I won't ever do it.
...who calls me while my cowboys are playing.
...who tries to get my number while I'm standing at my bus stop. like did you just drive around the block for me to turn you down? yes. yes you did.
...who is a professional kicker and misses field goals! #reallygrindsmygears

this list could go for days. what you got?


why was october 11 national coming out day? is it because two ones are two phalluses? then by that reasoning, the 11th of every month should be coming out day. only i would make numbers into something gay...i'm going to bed.

but wait. how come thinking about it led me to think of r. kelly's "trapped in the closet"?

"He walks up to the closet/He goes up to the closet/Now he’s at the closet/Damn he’s opening the closet…"

that series was an ORDEAL. ok goodnight.

03- your parents

Monday, October 11, 2010
both of my parents are from dc, though my mom spent a lot of her time in maryland. my dad works, my mom doesn't (she retired when i was born). both my parents went back to school and my dad has a masters and my mom has a bachelors. my dad has a cruel sense of humor. my mom has a corny one. my mom like flowers and gardening and oprah and steve harvey and any other thing i can be against. my dad like football and cars and shopping. yes, shopping. until recently, i've trusted my dad to buy clothing for me more than my mother. my dad has 5 sisters; he should know what he's doing. my mom has all brothers, she hasn't the slightest clue. my mom will fight anyone! 6 women or 6 men. she doesnt care. my dad will fight anyone, too but he usually at least tries to calm my mom down before he has to hurt someone.

can you guys figure out what i get from whom?

11- your siblings

Friday, October 8, 2010
bigger brother- he's 6'4". me: you left kevin out. my brother: kevin leaves himself out. that's him. kevin barely comes around and in recent years, you could say he never comes around. he almost didnt come to my brother's wedding but I took care of that with a curse out on facebook. kevin used to call on my birthday and holidays when I was younger but that depended on whether he was a jehovah's witness that year or not. he's 15 years older than me and he went to live with his mom before I was born.

sister- she's my bff. i spend weekends over her house a lot. she's the mom of my two nieces. we're 10 years apart so we didn't start hangin' tough until 2005.

big brother- he's the one i really grew up with since my bigger brother was gone by the time i came along and by the time i was 6, my sister was off to college. now, i only occassionally see my brother. he STAYS busy. he does a lot.

big brother and sister are like having a second set of parents. you should have seen big brother's reaction to my latest tattoo despite having 7+ of his own and one being in a similar location. his response: "BUT I'M A MAN!"

01-introduce yourself

Thursday, October 7, 2010
i'm so certain you know more than you want to know about me. how about YOU introduce YOURSELF. i can count on one hand the followers of this blog who i know something about other than their s/n and the name of their blog.

if for some reason you are new and you just stumbled upon this blog, i'm antithesis/ashley. i'm a grad student. i live in dc. im a chronic over-sharer. and i have an opinion on anything i haven't purposely decided to ignore (antoine dodson, anyone?). that's all there is to me. who are you?
*maxwell voice* i wanna get to know ya!

Birthday Dinner: Ruth's Chris Edition

Wednesday, October 6, 2010
After my relaxing half-day at Elizabeth Arden Red Door Spa, my sister treated me to dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. I would have taken a pic of our meal but we were at a restaurant with table clothes and the menus weren't laminated so I thought that would be in poor taste. Even after the woman seated beside us was filing her nails at the table, I still decided against it.

YUM YUM YUM! I enjoyed the [Dallas] Cowboy Ribeye with a lobster tail and garlic mashed potatoes. EVERYTHING was delicious...and doused in butter but whatever. The meat was tender and WELL seasoned. The lobster was great and the mashed potatoes could have had a pinch more garlic but they were tasty, too. For my drink, the waiter suggested their new feature: the black cherry martini. It wasn't on the menu so I went for it. Reminded me of the kool-aid in the little bottle with the twist-off top with alcohol in it. We decided to skip on dessert as their offerings were nothing special.

I am grateful to my big sis for treating me because this was nothing I could afford on my own. I took half of my steak back to my sister's house (hence, the picture). I warmed it up Sunday after church. It was a bit tough but still tasted great.

copy cat

Tuesday, October 5, 2010
so im planning to do some posts like T is doing where there's a set theme for each day. i'm not going to do every one of them but expect to see some soon. here's the list for your reference and i'll consider requests from it.

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment

Tattoo #4

Monday, October 4, 2010

Check out my early birthday present to myself. I got this Saturday, September 25. You can read more about it by visiting my other blog.

Saturday, October 2, 2010
it's my birthday! i had a bad day yesterday but that's yesterday. today is MY day and nothing will ruin it. bet that! *smooches*


Friday, October 1, 2010
this is more for me than it is for you :)

just trying to keep myself on-track amidst taking classes.

apply for graduation- oct. 1
take NCE- oct. 16
touch base with job lead- mid-october
set-up informational interviews- oct/nov
temp work oct-dec/infinity
apply for LGPC- nov
hardcore job hunting- mid-november