maybe "shy" isnt the word

i was going to wait to say something until shit was wrapped up with a bow on it or it was ugly in the bottom of the trashcan like those yellow wrappers around sanitary napkins. but some stuff just doesnt have an ending or resolution. sometimes you're just left wondering what might have been. and plus this goes with this "do it now" thing im on so yea.

went to the bar with some friends last night after class. girl told me some dude tripped on nothing supposedly looking at me and it was funny. now im sitting here mad that i didnt see and wondering if it was my dude. shrug.

i go to get my last drink and boy who had, like my friend, won a free happy hour walked up and was like "can i go in front of u?" i must have been in a good mood b/c i was gonna let him. mainly b/c free happy hr people already have cups so it would take no time to get whatever he wanted. but he was joking. he was interested in what i was ordering and i told him. he said he'd get it. that was my in.

i returned to my table like "should i, or shouldnt i?" he was attractive and he seemed nice enough. but im "shy" or maybe it's a confidence issue. but i had my "in". i would just casually walk by later and see if he liked what he copy catted off of me.

he was in mixed company and i couldnt tell what everyone's relationship to one another was. like some sort of predator, i waited til the woman he was seated beside left or went to the bathroom or wherever she went. i walked myself over there and asked him how he liked the drink and he probably feigned interest but we exchanged information.

if nothing else comes of this, at least i did it instead of wondering what COULD have happened if i didnt. plus i wouldnt have gotten the chance to pick up on his accent and learn that he was an ATLien (oh, i miss JAWJA).

i dont often like the dudes who approach me but i also do not like being the pursuer. what preference do you have? does it even matter? something about the personality of guys who approach me is just obnoxious. im also frustrated with dudes who never say anything and im convinced that old boy would have never said a word if i hadnt. does that mean he simply wasnt that interested despite the fact that someone said he'd been looking in our direction? maybe i wasnt the one he was looking at...