a counselor's tips for living life

T asked that i give my perspective as new counselor on how one can get the most out of life, or at least that's how i interpretted it. here we go. im giving brief rundowns of whatever concepts come to mind so if clarification is needed, leave me a comment. also, i should say these are my opinions and interpretations of material covered in my master's program and not necessarily that of my master's program/instructors. this is pretty broad so i welcome specific questions. i'll try to keep this short.

1. remember there is no set formula: people come from all kinds of home situations. people from backgrounds you could not imagine go on to be wildly successful, something we discuss and term "resilience". others, from intact families can be the world's biggest fuck ups. dwelling on the cards you were dealt is one of some people's biggest hinderances.

2. strive for balance: i guess i'll stick to the family example. there are over-involved, high expressing of emotion or "enmeshed" families (you love how i'm giving you counselor terms that are regular words you can use everyday). then, there are distant families. again, great people can come from either but for best results, it appears that those who come from families with instilled values but respect for difference fair better than most other family types.

3. look for patterns: most often we see patterns from our family of origin play out in every other aspect of our lives. for example, someone can treat their boss like their mother and their spouse like their child. you may not think the genogram your family therapist asks you to complete with him/her is the best use of your time but it's the best use of your therapist's time and will bring to light many things you never noticed or considered. it exposes patterns of mental and physical illness as well as relational patterns and opens up the conversation of where you might see the relationship between your mom and her estranged in your own life. once you recognize patterns, determine what they are doing for you or what purpose they are no longer serving and why they're a problem. then do something about them.

4. dysfuntional behavior was functional at some point: whatever is causing arguments between you and loved ones was once something you all needed to be happening. when something is no longer working, find out how your needs have changed. Is there a new addition to the family so you no longer need the now second youngest to be so needy to distract you from issues in your marriage? Is your previously unemployed boyfriend now getting job offers taking him away from the house and leaving you with no one to take care of, which you need to do because you've always taken care of SOMEONE in your life?

5. being a teenager sucks: that's really all i have to say. no, but seriously there are a lot of issues during this time because it's often considered the period of life marked with the most change. almost as difficult is "emerging adulthood" which is just an extension of adolescents that some researchers say extends into the 30s. the adolescent period of previous generations has been extended to account for further education and delays in starting families. for adolescents and emerging adults, the most helpful thing seems to be recognizing that one is not alone so talking about things is key. sounds easier than it is.

this cant be life

question of the moment:

are there really that many idiots in the world or are they just concentrated in my configuration?

didn't catch the ball in the cup?

it's ok because the ball is on a string and attached to the cup.* 

i'm going to be just fine. there's somebody somewhere who wants me. like really wants me. not just in the physical sense. but will deeply, madly, and truly love me. the reciprocity i search and long for will be actualized. 

the hard part is just keeping that in mind. 

*get it? from family guy. 

also, on an unrelated note, that cowboys redskins game last night? i was on the field, on the sidelines, under the lights watchin' my 'boys warm up. GO COWBOYS!!!!!!

i hate pop-ups

my internet pop-up blocker works great. but i need a real life one like i need an 'undo' button. don't you just hate when people pop back up into your life? it's like "you were gone. the reason doesn't matter. maybe there are really no hard feelings. but what exactly is your purpose now? what do you want?".

if people get bored, they feel like they need to contact me. i'll be the first to tell you i'm not the most fun person. at times i can be funny but im not the chick you say, "call her. you are GUARANTEED a good time". so what's that all about. weird, huh? 

*note* i do not have a pc. i am very much a mac lover but that was the only picture to illustrate my point. 

simply put

people ask me what master's program i'm in. i used to say the proper name "community counseling". to this they replied with an odd look and then, "what's that?". so then i started just saying "counseling" which still warranted further explanation. why do i feel like it's self-explanatory? maybe i tend to be a person of few words and value brevity and simplicity. but i feel like that's the simplest thing. why do i need to explain to you what that is, especially you college-educated people?

being asked questions like that is annoying in itself. it's like when you are about to graduate from somewhere and people ask, "so what are you going to do next?" i find those "get-to-know-you" questions so annoying. "oh, what's your major/program?" "what do you do?" "explain that..." i guess it's necessary but i prefer converstations that aren't an interrogation.

am i being difficult. is counseling really vague? also, why is there an assumption that i will do just one type?

allow me to add: i HATE when people reply with, "so is that like social work?" fool, if it was social work i would have said "social work". people get on my nerves...

where to next?

you go to college and people are from all over. especially if you are from out-of-state, your collegemates may want to know if you will return home upon graduation. they want to know where you want to settle and start your post-undergrad life. if you will be attending graduate school, will you stay in that place once your studies are completed?

i decided to return to my native DC to pursue graduate studies. a sound financial decision. but i dont know if i will stay upon recieving my degree, certification, and license. once i'm legally able to practice for profit, i might want to be somewhere else. somewhere where the cost of living is a little more reasonable. somewhere where i will have representation on the hill. 

it's easy to say where i don't wanna be. but where do i want to live? i'm pretty sure i want to live in the suburb of a major city. i want the convenience of access to the "hustle and bustle" of a major city with the partial seclusion and serenity of a suburb. plus that affordability. i want a front and backyard (a rare commodity in city living). i want the availability of premier education if i am blessed/cursed with children. so where does this exist? 

are you in the same general area you have always been? did you move around alot? where do you want to settle down and start a family? are you content with where you are?

what chapter are you on?

internet videos have that little ball or whatever that goes along telling you what point the video is at. when you are completing an application or survey or something only, there's usually that little reminder letting you know your progress. how far have you progressed in achieving what you set out to do in life?

do you just take things as they come and not really try too hard with anything?

do you have a checklist? school, check. career, check. family, check. 

or is it in no particular order and you work to maintain everything at once?

i think i'm the latter or a combination of the second two. im still working on school and i do things like temporary jobs and internships which will provide the basis of my career. i haven't made much headway in the family dept. but i can say that i have enough failed relationships to know what i DONT want. i just dont know where i am or how much progress i've made. there are days when i think i've accomplished a whole lot and then others where i feel like i have just so damn far to go. 

are you where you want to be? what's "missing"?