the REAL answer

when someone asks "hey, how are you?" how do you normally respond? do you say "terrible. i lost my job, my kids are failing school, my husband and i dont have sex..." or do you simply reply "fine"? no matter what the real answer is to that question, more times than not, the socially acceptable thing is to say "fine".

what about this question: "why are you single?" who hasn't been asked that in some form or another? how do you reply?

today, and today only, i will tell my readers all the answers to that:

1. i am NEEDY- i need regular phone calls. if i tell you im sick, i need you to check on me at least once a day. dont just find out im sick and call me back when you think im not sick anymore depending on what it is. if you dont call (which i prefer), i'd like a "thinking of you" text or email. i require a lot of communication.

2. im not emotionally ready for a relationship- the things i hear-- like the possibility of someone elses child being someone's husband's and the child is 4 weeks older than the wife's child--let me know i couldn't do it. shadiness like his changing response would have me in tears just telling it to my friends, IF i could get the words out. im not emotionally mature in other ways either, i haven't learned to self-soothe for sadness, anger and frustration. when im upset and you're not readily available, i cant handle it.

3. i really dont know how to be in a healthy, meaningful relationship- the few "boyfriends" ive had were emotionally distant in my opinion. maybe that's why i demand so much attention from anyone im dating now. ive been on what i consider 3 real dates in my life. two nights where things went as i would have liked them to go for the most part. each time, i think ive done something to ruin my chances of getting a second date. i wont count the third time so heavy since i didnt care if we went out again.

4. i let dudes get away with stuff- i let stuff build up that dudes do instead of confronting them right away about feeling disrespected. what winds up happening is i come at them with a barrage of accusations of offenses committed and they are sitting confused with the "where is this coming from, crazy bitch" face.

5. i settle- i waste time with dudes who i know arent right for me to begin with thinking "well, it's him or nobody". there are plenty of dudes i can walk away from citing various excuses for why i cant be bothered but there are those who i'm like "but he's cute, maybe i'll change my mind. maybe im being too swift with my decision". there are others who im just like "but he looks like he can fuck" and then we get to talking and i get attached.

6. i have sex with dudes when i shouldn't- while im being honest, i might as well add this to the list

7. i can be a doormat with dudes- really people in general but im working on it

i dont know what else a dude might find unappealing about me. these are just the qualities i find sickening in myself. so there you have my conjecture about why i'm single aside from my normal disinterest in marriage/having a significant other. i can blame others all day long but there are two people in a relationship so i need to account for my role in the failure.