what the damn?!

my brother coined this phrase about two years ago. i dont remember the details of the circumstances. i just remember chillin' in the basement watching tv and my brother was behind me on the computer. suddenly, he thought out loud, "what the damn?!" and i just burst out laughing. i guess his intonation and the odd combination of words tickled me. anyway, i never knew what it meant to me until this very day. all i can think when i think about the cowboys v. eagles tonight is "what the damn?!" i cant watch the game because it's not being airred locally because the damn redskins are playing right now. all i can see is the score and all i can say is, "what the damn?!" like not only are we going to lose, we will lose rediculously. i am beyond overjoyed to not have to go to work tomorrow but i feel as though because we are losing so embarrassingly, i will still have to hear a certain person's mouth next week when i return. and now for another one of my favorite phrases: oh this is some bullshit! let me just cap it up with: this is a code 10, man down situation!!!!

oh no!

santa already left but i want a wii. i didn't know i wanted it before, or else i would have asked. my niece got a wii last xmas and i never bothered to play it. this xmas she got guitar hero with the drum pad and mic but it was defective and when they took it back, it was sold out. my brother-in-law got rock band 2 and just paid the difference. i havent played video games since the first playstation but i was interested in this console. i played wii olympics the other day and table tennis was kinda fun. i played rock band today and i have one word for you: ADDICTED. and not just to rock band. wii sports is cool. i want my niece to get wii fit, too. i really think i need to buy a wii of my own. i fear that i would never leave my room if i had one though, and i would not accomplish anything. also, it's not like i have the money to purchase the game system and accessories. i guess i could always scale back shopping for clothes and makeup...naaawww. the wii will have to wait. sucks though...

did you hear?

favorite tracks: magic-w/ MJB and wale, dreamworld, sidestep, hard on my love, *SWEETEST LOVE*

have you heard it? do you like it? what else is out you like? i have everything and love everything but this is the cd of the week!

all i

i don't write letters to santa anymore. i don't really answer the question, "what do you want for Christmas". i just get what i get. i still find it hilarious that my OLDER brother wakes me up saying "Ashley, get up! it's Christmas!" he's 25 and im 22. he'll be 26 this xmas and i really wonder if he'll come spend the night just so he can do that this year. 

i haven't wanted anything in particular in a while so i haven't written a list in forever. in keeping w/ '08 being different, i decided to write a list. here's my xmas list:

1. you

2. a blackberry

3. MAC eyeshadows in various shades or just a gift card

4. NARS "orgasm" polish and lip gloss (i already have the blush)

5. plane ticket to ATL, Chicago, NYC, or some other destination that's not here

6. my tuition; even for just a semester

7. a new coloring book and crayons with a BUNCH of colors bonus if it comes with a crayon sharpener 

cute!

on the phone:

niece: hola!

me: ¿como estas?

niece: muy bien, ¿y tu?

me: bien, gracias.

niece: de nada!

later... 

niece: so, how's your life going?

she's 11. she's so cute!

so? so what?

my niece's catch phrase at about 2 or 3 was "so? so what?" i would say "kiara, that's not a coloring book" as she colored in some children's book that was illustrated in black and white. her reply: "so? so what?"

damn right! it was her book with which to do whatever she pleased. and who writes a book for little tiny people and the pictures aren't in color? she was doing her thing and not bothering anybody. now she would use that phrase and be totally in the wrong but you didn't know whether to smile or correct her because she is such a cutie. even at 11 now, she's the cutest kid. 

i think the biggest lesson i learned in '08 was the take-away message behind what that baby was saying. as long as you're doing what makes you happy, who cares what someone else has to say about it. i hate when someone offers unsolicited input on something that affects them in no way. i used to ask people, "how would your life change knowing the answer to that question" when they inquired about who so-and-so was dating or who i was talkin' to. like really. shut your mouth. 

that's particularly relevant to anything that's happening for me currently but i just randomly thought about it. 

blackplanet, though?

it has come to my attention that people i know and regularly interact with use blackplanet as a dating service. it's like their free match.com or eharmony.com. im all for saving a dollar, but is this really a viable, recession-proof option?

the girl i know who uses it says she's prepositioned by married men repeatedly. this dude just told me married women hit him up on a regular basis, too. in addition, there are plenty of guys with strange fetishes who try to hook up with my girl.

i don't know...i dont know if i need it that bad. i barely feel safe meeting folks the old-fashioned way. more days than not, lately, i wish i had a boyfriend but is that how i have to get one?

go get adele's cd, 19!!!!!

the way it is

I'm not in love
It"s just some kind of thing
I'm goin' through
And it's not infatuation
Ain't nothin goin on between
me and you
But I dream about it every night, baby
Wanting you here with me
Making love to me


I'm missin you like crazy
Body and soul is achin'
I'm out of control
Missing you so

I'm missing you
Missing you
I'm missing you
Missing you
I'm missing you

I'm not in love,
And that's what I just keep tellin' myself
Over and over again
And I'm not the least bit amused by it, baby
Yet still I don't wanna be with nobody else
No no no
And I dream about you all the time
Touchin' and kissin' me
And makin love to me

God knows I'm tryin to keep you out of my head
I ain't tryin to love no one
I ain't tryin to get hurt again, no
But there's something that just gets in my skin
And all I know is I can't let go
And that's the way it is

go see

CADILLAC RECORDS!!!!!!!!!!

 shawty, mos def did his thing as chuck berry. columbus short (this chrismas, stomp the yard) and his sexy self was good too. jeremy wright was awesome!gabby did alright. i was just happy to see her away from morris chestnut and taye diggs and no longer type-cast. beyonce....was in it. as my favorite asked "was it like beyonce playing beyonce playing etta james?" and the answer is OF COURSE. that chick pisses me off! she has put more soul and pain in her own songs and did etta NO justice. her first scene, i said to myself, "first of all, how dare you". but of course her stans will defend her to no end so i dont even know why i said anything. 

fact: you have to settle

the fiction is that you should not settle but in reality, you have to. never in your life will you find the complete package. you cannot have it at 100%. it's just not goin' on. but if i can just get it to 85%, i think i could live with that. i think i've been greedy. really greedy. i wanted the conversation to be deep and profound and the sex to be poppin' and to be treated like a queen. you don't get just those 3 things in one person so why the hell did i think i could get my 1 million item list?

that is what friends are for. i got my 3 wives. i got my male bff. and i got my girlies from high school. they can all compensate for whatever some dude is lacking. n*gga can't think good? well CA, BP, and MJ got it on lock. not into movies that hard? that's where bff comes in. don't wanna bring your girl to the club? jaz and t will hold me down. and the list goes on with folks who wanna do the things i wanna do.

so now all i require is that a guy tries. just try. try to be there for me when i need someone to listen. try to cheer me up from time to time. try to convey in some way that i matter to you. try to please me between the sheets (most likely you won't succeed but at least allow me to enjoy myself while i watch you get yours). try to make sure i have a good time with you in general. whenever you fall short, at least i know you tried. i'll settle for that.

i just wanna say

i don't like my job. the main one. the work study joint is aiight. but this isht? ugh!

product review

what is it: sally hansen maximum growth plus nourishing nail color in "innocent nude"

what i thought: i picked this up because it was the only sally hansen product in the shade i wanted. see, i wanted a white nail polish but not stark white. i was trying to emmulate something i saw in a mag and this was the closest thing to it. it actually looked better than what i was trying to pull off. the added bonus was that this polish stays on AND it helped my nails grow a little faster than they normally do. my nails grow fast already and a little faster when polish is involved but lately, i had not been able to keep the stuff on. this stuff still chips but not nearly as much as the other shades and variations i own. i have her hard as nails, hard as wraps, and another maximum growth shade that was clearly very old because i got it at a deep discount and it doesn't work as well as this latest one i picked up. 

the verdict: it's a good look

on repeat

listen to these when you get a chance and then tell me why they are stuck in my head and whenever my ipod/itunes are on shuffle i have to listen and might be like "rewind that!".

1. green eyes- erykah badu

2. in love w/ you- erykah badu

3. quickly- john legend and brandy 

4. i told you so-solange

5. would've been the one- solange

6. 6 o'clock blues- solange

7. dancing in the dark- solange

8. tears dry on their own- amy winehouse

9. take the box- amy winehouse

10. me and mr. jones- amy winehouse

11. better in time- leona lewis

12. bleeding love- leona lewis

13. falsetto- the dream

14. everybody knows- john legend

slight disadvantage

what's the point of having a male best friend for male insight if all you date are dicks and your bff isn't a dick????i guess if he was, he wouldn't be my bff. but still...

practice makes perfect

i started 2004 with this belief/ motto: "everything up until now was just practice". i was turning 18, about to graduate high school and go off to college and i thought that little slogan i came up with was just applicable to a few things. namely eduaction and career. not until a little while ago did i know it also referred to him. let's give "him" a name since i always just call him "him". him, from now on will be mr. false pretense. 

i've long held that people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. i thought mr. false pretense was there for the long-haul and then i just thought he was there for that phase of my life to bring me to the next. now i think he also fulfilled a key purpose. he was there for practice. i know i haven't mastered the lesson he was sent to teach but im sooooo ready to take the training wheels off. 

i apologize. i tried to make this make sense so sorry if it doesn't. my mind just works like that sometimes and i gotta get it out...

so embarrassing

i hate group presentations. with that said, i have one due today. first of all, these characters met without me and divided up everything and i was left with basically nothing. and this isnt really a group project since everyone did their parts separately and then they are just going to throw it all together at the end. so i'm looking at the powerpoint and people are talking about everything im talking about so basically it looks like i did nothing because they picked me to talk last. did i mention im like the only black person? there's another black girl but like not really, ya know? i know that was wrong of me to say and i can go deeper on my view of "acting black" and how there is no such thing but yea. anyway, so i'm the only black person so i shouldnt be but im worried about how that looks.

oh and this grinds my gears: because the other group had candy, we have to have candy? eventhough our (read "my") game doesn't call for it? ok, fine. you want to take the initiative to purchase said candy? great. you want to split the cost among 6 people? excellent. one bag of candy and i'll give you like a dollar. YOU SPENT $24 ON CANDY FOR A CLASS OF LIKE 20 PEOPLE?! bitch, have you lost your mind?! and you want people to give you $4 for that? it's a recession out here. but guess who's gonna pay it because we evaluate our group members and i cant give them even more reason to mark me down. this is some bullsh*t.

i need a resolution

up until last year, i didn't do the whole new year's resolution thing. last year i said i would have significantly less bum days in 2008. and i did. i looked a hot mess on comparativly fewer occassions than i did in previous years. granted circumstances played a role, like it's different when you live off campus versus in the dorm and you can't just go to your job or internship any kind of way. but still i put forth an effort on days i was not obligated. 

i have to figure out something for this year (2009). i don't wanna do a cliche thing like "lose weight". that's a given. 

maybe this year will be about doing "the goodest" or "the most good". when my brother was competing to be maryland's strongest man, i told him to "do the goodest". it wasn't about him doing HIS best. he had to do the best out of everyone out there. i dont know why parents tell kids to do their best. no, you need to do better than everyone else. it's a competition, ok? so maybe 2009 will be about doing my best and the best out of everyone else, too. and "the most good part" would be about giving back and charity and volunteering and all that noise. 

first of all, how dare you?

office worker: how did he use it? as an object or...?

kelly: ryan used me as an object

ryan: did you have a question?

kelly: i have lots of questions. first of all, how dare you?

iDied! have you ever even watched 'the office'? loves it!

on take your daughter to work day michael said, "i am like eddie murphy in 'raw' and they are trying to make me like eddie murphy in 'daddy daycare'..." 

so random!

i cant believe it

'08 is almost outta here. wow! what a year! let's review.

january- out w/ the old, in w/ the new. i saw my 2nd worst ex for hopefully the last time and turned around and brought in the new year with my big bro. fun times. 

february-my acceptances were official and i was all set to enroll at G-dub. also, i finally landed my internship so i wouldnt have to set Giles Hall ablaze. 

march- mr. officer was on that bullsh*t so nothing really eventful. my spelman sisters held me down. i LOVE my girls. 

april- miraculously, mr. officer came to his senses. finalized my plan for chuckin the deuces to the blue and white gates. 

may- GRADUATION. tearful goodbye's upon departure. i'll be back, i promise. 

june- i dont have a job yet? dang...

july- working: best job ever! oh, and i got my job lined up for the Fall

august- job ending, new job starts within a week. so what does antithesis do? hit the beach! taylor turned 1. i mean, my niece is the coolest, flyest 1 year old i know. so much fiercer than sasha...

september- i'm in grad school, so that means i gotta go to class huh? BOOOOOOOO!

october- 22!!!!!!! new ink. met someone new. and chante came to visit. 

november- MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK!

2008 was the best and it aint even over yet. most of my years have been a whole lotta good, a whole lotta bad. 2008 was mostly good. my message to '09: top that, b*tch!

if i had a kid

it's been a while since i've done one of these. i dont know what number i'm on. i guess that's not important. if i had a little crumb-snatcher, i would make them read books. im not talking about dr. seuss. im talking about certain novels. my mother made me read "makes me wanna holler" by nathan mccall when i was a young teen. i was annoyed to have to but for real, it had some serious lessons in there that i was too hard-headed to take heed to. i recognized them as i was reading but i was so smart that i was stupid. i am still am a little that way but that's another post for another day. but yea, their little asses will be reading and i'm not talking about the coldest winter ever. why is that everyone's favorite book???? i don't remember why i hate it because i read it so long ago. and then i forgot why i hated it and re-read it and got mad again but that happened long ago, too. maybe someone with better memory than me can tell me why they didnt like it to save me two days.