Tuesday, February 3, 2009
i had a breakthrough with my make-shift therapist. my confidant is my college friend c.ant.

while talking to her through AIM (the main way we communicate b/c she lives in GA), i realized im not a habitual person. like im not an attend-this-weekly-event person. it's hard for me to belong to organizations and stuff. i just won't go for no particular reason. im not avoiding anything. im just being absent. like church: i can be up in time, have plenty of time to get ready, have an idea about what to wear and just not go. no reason. not even i didnt feel like going anywhere. because i will go somewhere else instead sometimes. i already knew i was impulsive and spontaneous but wow, i learned something. 

upon further exploration, it might be something about the formality of it all. it's a set place, time, and date. i prefer more flexibility i guess.  i can go shopping religously. the store is open between these hours almost everyday and there is no set time to be there. but if someone is hosting a birthday party or celebrating a holiday, for example, and we arent that close i have trouble following through with attending. is that weird?

1 thought(s):

T said...

I don't think that's weird, it justs seems like you lack motivation. Like if you knew you were going to get something you needed at church EVERY week, then you'd probably go. Or if you knew the memories at said party of the person you don't really talk to too much were going to be priceless, you might actually make it to the party.

Sounds like the options that you have may just be blah sometimes, which keeps you from making moves.

I'm not mad at it.