does not equate

i did everything i was supposed to do.

i approached life like a brand new toy on christmas day. maybe not how i actually treat new gadgets b/c with them, i just open them, start doing what looks like makes sense and THEN check the manual if shit doesnt work out.

but that's not how i did my life. i know life doesnt come with an owner's manual but i've had some guidance from involved parents and a few decent teachers along the way. for the most part, supervisors say i do what im told. so imagine my surprise when i followed the step-by-step proceedures and did not yield the results as expected. i cant just go back to the store for an exchange or refund either. all is not lost. i can simply try something else. the problem is knowing what i'd like to try and possibly fail at next. another problem is getting the motivation to go through another set of steps.

people are all on the internet claiming that the rapture is tomorrow. i'd be ok with that. im so tired. and frustrated.