erykah badu, green eyes from the album "mama's gun"
i am much too often plagued with this problem. the first time, i was 16 and i wrote a poem entitled "letter to my heart". the letter was written from my brain because i knew better than to let my heart get to runnin' things and continue that downward-spiraling path. so my brain was apologizing for the hurt that resulted in me following my heart.
now that im older i feel like my heart should apologize, too. i know, "way to kick someone when they're down". but im thinking yes, my heart aches but also my mind is plagued by the memories and it's distracting me from good things now and to come. not to mention the influx of memories and such makes my heart hurt more.
that's it: my heart has self-destructive tendencies. my heart does things to inflict pain on itself. it's like remedial or something.
that time period where i couldnt feel anything was mainly about me only feeling pain and sadness and not love but i empathized with others and acted accordingly. i cared about a dude's feelings for whatever reason. i need it to be the other way around. i need to be able to act like they act: to only care about my own feelings and wants and needs.
this post is all-over-the-place. i need to get it together. the semester has started. i dont have time for this shit.