today

the previous post was from last week or something. maybe earlier in the week. i have little concept of time lately. anyway, i got my hair done today: touch up and cut.

still wanna go shorter but baby steps, baby steps...

my braid-out

im no skilled beautician but here is the result of  4 cornrows held with aloe vera gel overnight:

" this is bad, real bad. Michael Jackson"

and he mad, real mad. Joe Jackson. - Kanye West, "Knock You Down"

do not call a man, especially a black man, a 'bitch'. it's like the highest insult. and knowing that, i did it anyway. to me, almost as bad as calling me a 'bitch' is hanging up on me.

i actually have a double standard when it comes to the 'b'-word. don't under any circumstances call me that. i dont call anyone i consider a friend that unless they really piss me off and i dont care about being friends with them anymore. but for strangers and people i'm not close to? it's free-flowing from my lips.

anyway, he hung up on me really for no reason because it wasnt like i was raving and cursing him out. i was calmly explaining my position. then he had the audacity to call me back. i said, "leave me alone" and hung up. he called back again and i said, "bitch, you hung up on me!". was that uncalled for? was i justified?

probably not because he didnt call me a 'bitch' first. i don't know. right or wrong, i sort of feel bad about having said it. i apologized. don't know why. and maybe it's not THAT bad. anyway dont do it unless you know for sure you don't want to be friends with him anymore or you don't want your relationship to be the same.

it's definately taking a risk because i called my ex all kinds of 'bitches' when we were still on speaking terms. however, he called me a 'bitch' on two occassions first. but it solicited absolutely no reaction from him. i'd be like "bitch, shut up" or "bitch, you gay" or "call me back, bitch" and it was nothing.

ugh, and don't hang up on me....

what is it 'bout men?

or rather what is it about me??? i seem to attract the SAME dude. either he is the 40+ divorced man or the 20-something emotionally unavailable character. the over 40 man wants someone to spend time with and make sexual advances toward. the 20-something will act right in the beginning and take you on a couple cheap dates but he's really interested in fleeting romance and hot sweaty nights. i cannot afford emotionally to invest in either type. so where is my 30-something, commitment-ready, mature male? and is there such a person? is there any insight to be offered from someone dating in this age range?

i wonder if i should just keep these two types around to balance each other out. i can cuddle with the old man during the light hours and visit the young fool at night. i can take strolls and do the simple things and catch a movie or dinner with someone's dad and granddad and then club/bar hop with someone's linebrother and former classmate. i really wish i could find someone's fellow congregation member/mentor.

tired of

• you pushing your grown ass kid in stroller...feet all scraping the ground. and it's never a stroller that looks comfortable/supportive. it's always that flimsy shit. if you can walk up to it and strap yourself in, you dont need it!
• the lakers' number of championship wins rising annually
• not having the funds to do the things i really want to do
• not really feeling like we're friends
• the games my parents play
• this dog i specifically said i did not want to be here impacting my life
• feeling restricted by the very thing i chose to do in order to broaden my options

good times

i wish i came up (was a teen/young adult) in a different decade. i think ive narrowed it down to the 70s. i couldnt have done the 60s because i would not be able to deal with King's death and the rioting that insued. the 50s were still too racist for me to handle, as was any time prior. i grew up in the 90s and i love everything about that. being born in the 80s i think i only missed out on the bright colors but i dont miss how they were worn. the fashion was pretty much the worst. the 80s would have been fun for me for about 6 months. 

the 70s were all about that impowerment, enlightenment, peace, etc. i could have gotten down with that. and those 'fros! never was able to get my hair like that but i bet i could have back then. i would have known the right thing to do and my texture wouldnt have been ruined by excessive pressing. i could get with the clothes. ive seen some FIERCE 'fits from that era. and the music! the most beautiful music is from that time. i probably have just as many songs from the 70s in my itunes as i have from all the other decades since. 

one of my gripes about the 70s is that the guys were just too skinny. dont know if i could get with that. outside of that, cant think of too much i wouldnt like. the 70s would have been alright with me. this was before the HIV/AIDS epidemic. this was prior to crack being big. weed probably wasnt even laced with a whole bunch of other trash. seems like time a lot less complicated than today. 

life is so blah

i've been feeling like T has been feeling (as evidenced by her post today) for a while now. where's the love? what happened to my regular comments? guess im boring folks. not surprised, im boring myself. cant promise anything interesting is to come. let me tell you what's on deck. 

1. trip to Columbus, OH - *boring* nothing to do there but my favorite spelman sister is there for med school. gotta go see the love of my life. 

2. weekend at VA beach- *yawn* everyone has been there, done that. ive never been. it's just a hop, skip and a jump away so nothing too exciting. 

3. summer session begins- *death* it's school. how exciting could that be?

4. maybe e.badu in concert-HOLLA! love her but that is a HUGE maybe so very unlikely... FML