it's getting to be my favorite excuse to drink

happy pretend-to-be-something/one-you're-not day! i'm using my free pass to dress like a slut, will you? today, i will be "simply irresistable" (that sounds better than Robert Palmer girl right?) and this i how i'll tell people "i'm simply irresistable *wink*". i think that adds the corny factor sufficiently. 

this will be the second year since elementary that i got into it. since turning 21, this has been a great excuse to party. it's just a plus that i can dress like a whore and no one can say anything. that was a lesson from Mean Girls. if you have not seen that movie, i dont even know what you are doing with your life. anyone can find humor in that flick. it's not just for prepubescent and teen girls. but i digress. go out and have fun. shit, if not for halloween, do it because it's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!

im tired of kissing frogs...

listen negroes: stop telling me "it's your loss" if i don't wanna do the dumb chick stuff you suggest!

i don't know whose loss it is, but i GUARANTEE it ain't mine, honey. let's not forget, you stepped to me and i acquiesced. also, who does that line ever actually work with? do you say that shit and the bitch be like, "well, in that case..."? or, "since you put it like that". like the girls at Spelman love to say, "nigga, kill yo'self". it won't fly w/ this chica. honestly, that wouldnt have even worked years ago when i admit i did some ignorant shit when it came to dudes. plus back then, i probably would have cursed your dumb ass out with no hesistation. now, contrary to popular belief, i'm much more polite and i simply say, "if that's how you feel". i guess that catches you idiots off guard 'cause maybe that line actually does work and your used to it working. so you wanna follow it up with some nonsense about the availability of other women. i'm aware that there are other females who fuck it up for upstanding ladies like myself by giving in to your outlandish demands, and with that i respond, "do what you must"/ "do what ever you think you need to do".


let me explain something to you. it's new. it's called "long hair, don't care". in the words of my role model, Karen Walker, "honey, i don't care". i cannot stress it enough. it's just annoying that several guys have tried this mess with me.


what am i talking about? i'm talking about you acting like it was a blessing for me that we met. that my life was in shambles and you are here to save me. like your dick is like fresh, flowing water and i'm in the desert. stop telling me, "if you play your cards right..." because in saying that, you are playing YOUR cards WRONG. look guy, YOU are the one would approached ME. my life was great before you came and most-likely it will be better if you were never a part of it. arrogance is not an attractive quality. confidence is, but you have an ill-defined notion of it and exude this disgusting bullshit that oozes from your ears.


so this is how it goes. you approach me. you may or may not give me some decent conversation. at my discretion, we exchange information. you call because i don't do that. you talk about how much you like this and that about me. how great the conversation was (even if we'd had none, so thats the first red flag). then you tell me how i need to do something bordering on inconvenient and possibly dangerous in order to be with you. *record skips* whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. call me old- fashioned but it is you, sir, who must put forth the effort. it don't care if it's the year 3000, you better do what they did in the 1920s (that's an exaggeration, but i'm sayin'). don't play. you gonna respect me or you can get gone.

flare

flare- n. that something about you that you hold responsible for attracting the opposite sex


my flare might be my new hair. it has been an influx of approaches as of late and i deduce that it is attributable to this weave. that or the fact that my hair actually appears done a lot more often.... one of those things. im almost certain.

my other flare are my dimples. most people like my smile. so many people like my glasses that one of my favorites picked out. it's funny that i almost wouldn't even try them on. those are all the attractive qualities i can think of that i have.

what's your flare?

what were you thinking?!

here's what i think goes through his head when he tries to talk to me

him: jerk
his thought process: she looks like she has low self-esteem. let me see if i can sleep with her.


him: unattractive
his thought process: i'm feeling a little better-looking today. let me see if i have a shot


him: (i hate to call anyone this) ugly
his thought process: i've been told 'no' plenty of times so what's one more?


him: old
his thought process: just let her be over 18


him: lame
his thought process: he doesn't know he's lame so it's business as usual. he doesn't think anything, he just goes for it.


him: out-of-towner
his thought process: *singing* "...'cause i only got one night in town. break down or be clowned. babygirl are you down?"

him: short (but taller than me)
his thought process: she's actually shorter than me! i gotta see what's up.

him: short (shorter than me)
his thought process: i have no idea; gotta be outta his mind...




did i leave anyone out?

no way, guy

i dont settle. settling is so 2007 and we are about to head into 2009. so what if i'm just learning fairly recently? the important thing is that i learned.

with that said, how come i keep getting approached by settle-able guys? unsavory characters (the phrase of the month), short guys, thin dudes, disrespectful hooligans: they all want to approach me with wackness.


i dont think i ask for much. i ask that your bitchassness be on 0 and at most at any time on 10%. i recognized that there is a such thing as a man period and i allow for that once a month. i simply ask that you have a goal and be actively working toward it. you do not have to have the salary or position you ultimately want right now but you need be making strides. if that means going to school and filling this position, then that's what that means. just be doing SOMETHING. most other qualities are evaluated on a case-by-case basis. however, i do have a height and weight requirement. you must be at least this tall (5'10") to ride this ride. we can be friends all day long but "you know we aint fuckin' if you not thick". the smallest that is acceptable is 180 lbs and i'm putting you on a meat and potatoes diet.


is that too much to ask?

and if i were a boy...

nevermind all that relationship stuff bey is talkin'. i was raised right, i know i would be a great guy in that respect. i can't stand bitch boys so i know i wouldn't be one. let's talk about the REAL advantages. 

1. i would be a sharp dresser because boy clothes are always on sale. i'm guessing because they rarely shop. they shop out of necessity, whereas we stay in the store. 
2. sorry but i'd be happy making more money doing the same job as a woman. so i would eat that right up. i wouldn't gloat about it but i wouldn't complain either. i'm no politician so why pretend? it's a good deal...
3. also, it would be more socially acceptable for me to be overweight so no dieting and all that nonsense. 
4. i would break exponentially more hearts than i would have had broken. i know i would be "raised right" and all but it's natural course of development to break hearts (mostly unintentionally). 
5. i used to think i would be a short boy but my brother is 6'4". my dad is 5'8 on his tallest day of the year. kevin's mom is 5'4"-ish (not sure i met her 2x). so anything is possible...

what if you were a boy? and don, what if you were a girl?

fuck me pumps

look what i got from DSW!

ain't they sexy? see? i did it again. i bought some shoes i aint got SHIT to wear with all because they were a bargain. i got it honest, though. i promise. if my daddy saw something in the store for 1 cent, yes 1 penny, less than what they were asking for originally he's like "WHAT A BARGAIN!!". im exaggerating but that is his favorite phrase. if something is not that cute and i make a face he's like, "but Ashley, it's on sale".  

MY favorite phrase is, "...and i have a coupon". yes, for this purchase, it was on clearance AND i had a coupon. so i aint mad. worst case scenario i throw on a black dress, pick up a red belt and keep it movin'...

badassness level increased

200th post 

Friday, October 10th: someone had the best night ever.

despite some set backs, i was able to get up with one of my best friends. my favorite ATLien was in town briefly and i had the pleasure of showing her around. we dined on fresh seafood and wine at McCormick and Schmick's at the National Harbor (the one in MD that isn't the Baltimore one). from there, we went to Georgetown where she was amazed that every store she could possibly want to shop was in one central location. it was there that we were also disappointed that the tattoo shop was closed. i mean who closes at like 10 on a Friday night? really? anyway, we randomly went to this bar right, we're greated by like 500 boston red sox fans packed wall-to-wall. since we paid a $5 cover, we decided to make it worthwhile and grabbed some heinekens before departing. from there, i decided to take her to adam's morgan. there we (mostly she) were aggressively approached by unsavory guy after unattractive male after grimey, shading looking character...you get the drift. we never actually went in anywhere EXCEPT the about-to-close tattoo shop where i got my 3rd installation of ink. i promise it wasn't planned. yes, i had been thinking about getting one and yes, i normally get them around my birthday but i had pretty much let that go. but whatever, i got one and i already want another one because it felt so badass. it also felt right. it was the first shop and tattoo artist i really liked. the one dude did try to overcharge me but my artist corrected it because she's a sweetheart. fuck him, like do you even do any work or you just take the money? take your funky man period somewhere else...

anyway, i thoroughly enjoyed catching up with one of my absolute favorite people. i miss my spelman sister so i gotta make my way down to the A before the year is out. plus that chick owes me a tattoo because she was supposed to get one with me. she decided not to because she knows a place where she can get what she wants for cheaper. makes sense, it's cool. we'll just get the next one together (if i can wait that long).

6 months, 8 days, 12 hours

not really, but what i'm feeling right now made me think of that Brian McKnight song. i miss ATL...

i didn't think i would feel it so soon. i still hate the place but there are some things i love about it, too. so a la DON, here is my love/hate in reference to the "A".

Love

• doin' 90 on the highway WITH cops around and no one giving a f*ck
• that one movie theater no one knows about but me
• my old one bedroom apt.
• meeting my true spelman sisters. "spelman sister" in the sense that that's not what you call just any fool who walked through the gates.
• the distance from my parents
• the fact that i drove EVERYWHERE such that i could avoid "hollers" from unsavory characters
• getting most things in life for free or really cheap
• hearing those horrible but catchy songs that only sound good in the club before everyone else
• walking right into (literally) mannie fresh thinking "was that...?" and continuing into the store unphased/other "celebrity" encounters. who stands at the bottom of an escalator? rappers/producers, i guess...
• little 5 points

Hate

• every store i like is never in one mall
• the damn MARTA. i almost died on there. TWICE. true story 
• august 5, 2007- that bitch ran in the back of me and subsequently almost completely ruined my senior year
• too far to drive, too expensive to fly (for homecoming)
• the gate at my complex being wide open on the regular and management actually thinking they justified it with their excuse
• the language the natives speak
• how is there no 7-eleven in the state of GA???
• the distance from my nieces and sister and brother
• people who say "A U Center"; just say AUC...
• how at Subway they dont have the hot pepper sauce. you know the sauce i'm talking about?

3x is NOT a charm

i have never liked the number 3. it's alot of peoples' favorite number. i'm different, mine is 2. anyway, i found an interesting thing about this number: it ruins lives. you already know it's bad because people say, "2's company, 3's a crowd". but do you really know how bad it is?

if you get married and have children, you need to either stop at two or break down and have four. pay very close attention: if you have 3 kids, you WILL get divorced. 

no bullsh*t. everyone i know who is divorced or heading towards it has 3 kids. it seems you may do better if you have 2 girls and 1 boy but still i would not chance it. 

who do i know who has had this happen? my mother's friend: divorced. my atl friend-guy-thing: divorced, twice! (0r 3 times depending on how you look at it). the pastor at my church: divorced. my parents: separated (another topic for another day). 

ok, i'm just kidding. there are several more couples with 3 kids who have stuck it out.  but wouldn't it be interesting to have a formula for this sort of thing? but i do know the best way to prevent divorce: don't ever get f*ckin' married!!!! let's see how well i stick to that. 

.::break::.

i'm taking a brief hiatus. nothing's wrong. i haven't run outta sh*t to talk about. i just haven't set aside enough time to update. i'll be back. in the meantime, catch up on some posts you may have missed. *smooches*

*disclaimer*

my friend asked me a question. she prefaced it with "i might have asked you this before...". i replied that she had but let her know that i could not recall what my answer was and that i can only be responsible for something i say THAT day. my thoughts, opinions, feelings have an expiration of 24 hours.

why is this important for you to know? many of the posts written on this blog are written days, maybe even as much as a week, in advance. those sentiments may not be the most accurate reflection of my life at the time of viewing.

never, never, never change

so you might be wondering why there has been no change in my weight-loss ticker. no, i did not forget to update it. actually, i gained those two little pounds back. why am i frustrated? well, because i go to the gym 3-4 times a week for at least 30 min. (more like 1 hr. and 30 min). i take my little healthy choice or lean cuisine meals for lunch instead of indulging in the many fast food options available. so what gives?

well, a friend of mine brought to my attention that i could be consuming too FEW calories and my metabolism has adjusted and that has resulted in this plateau. completely feasible but how do i reverse it? i dont know. all i know is, i stepped my workout game up and sometimes i do fall off and eat some stuff i had absolutely no business. what's my trial and error solution? im going back on South Beach. that's how i lost that first 20 lbs almost a year ago and they are still gone. i stopped doing that and now im stuck at this stupid, unattractive weight.

that diet was in no way fun. i would be CONSTANTLY eating because i was constantly hungry. i cant tell you how many sugar-free this and 10 calorie that i consumed. this also means i have to purchase my own groceries because my parents are NOT having any parts of this mess.

what did i do?

hey hey hey, it's your favorite bday girl. i know i told you some plans but here is what i REALLY did:

1. group assignment- mock counseling session with partner from class recorded on dvd. eh, i did what i could. i'm a beginner...yeah, that's my excuse. 

2. went to work- didn't do much because i got there late and my supervisor didnt really have anything for me. Jen bought me two little ice cream things (i guess half pints) from baskin robbins. one was reeses (how did she know?!) and the other was oreo (again, great!). Isaac (my direct supervisor) bought me a GW Hippo (unofficial mascot, i'll tell you the story if you care to know) and gave me a cute card. Tela (super nice person above me, on the same level as my supervisor) got me a card and a starbucks card. 

3. late lunch- a few doors down from my job is Bertucci's. went there to get lobster ravioli. i was disappointed. it had NO flavor. also, i'm not a fan just choping garlic four ways, overcooking it and throwing it in with food.  

4. happy hour at fridays- two doors down from my job is a friday's. random, i know. Diahna got me a card and some Mac makeup i've been wanting. Tiara, Jasmine, and Ivy all got me very nice cards. my brother came and bought me a drink. i was SO drunk after that. i wanted to come home and watch the debate and i made it home in time and everything and couldnt stay awake. i was in bed by 9:45. so sad....

i got some very nice, unexpected gifts. my dad bought me SATC movie on dvd and gave me $$$. mom got me some workout gear : ). 

more festivities to come. i got happy hour with the coworkers and im going to go get my free ice cream from coldstone. plus Jasmine and Tiara wanna go hit up a couple spots later on tonight. 

my b-day look:

the pic of of low quality because i took it with my camera phone. 

thanks for all the bday wishes!!!!

[antithesis'] day off

it's my day so i'm taking it off. im 22, yall! check back tomorrow to see what i ended up doing. 

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

october is one of the themed months i recognize because the cause matters to me, the chosen color is pink (which is awesome), and it's my birth month.

totalbeauty.com, in partnership with its network of beauty blogs, is hosting a month-long initiative that integrates breast cancer awareness, breast cancer research fundraising and beauty giveaways to engage women in the quest for a cure. watch the video (for some reason the embed thing isnt working and i dont feel like dealing with it):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQsadQzwBqc

scroll down to read my post for today

mr. untouchable

let me tell you about mr.untouchable. if you frequent this blog, i dont have a high opinion of many men. this one is no major exception. oddly enough, i find myself including him in my blog. why? because i keep finding myself including him in my thoughts. also, apparently if i think hard enough about him i can make him appear. that might be my super power so i'm going to focus on cultivating that skill.

anyway, mr.untouchable is what i call the man who has my thoughts captive. everything would be so great if he weren't "untouchable". i can literally touch him, obviously, and i exploit any opportunity to do so. but he is untouchable because he is committed to another. i refuse to be the one to bestow hurt on another woman because i would HATE to be in her shoes. plus if he's the type of guy i hope him to be, he wouldn't allow that. he is also untouchable because i'm no one's back-up plan or second choice. if they were to break up for some unfortunate reason, i can't say i'd be thrilled if he looked my way. also, i'm not sure of his feelings and understandably he could not fully express them if he had any.

rational me says, "he's taken; move on". that's difficult. not many men attract me and the ones that do not in such a way. he is so physically AND mentally attractive to me. he is not perfect. i think that's the thing that keeps me in check. if i just thought this was the perfect man for me, i probably would go pretty hard at him regardless of the fact that there is another person involved. or maybe not so much because i've been there and done that. i got the results i wanted but in the long run (like 4 years later) that dude was not THAT DUDE. i just wanna be over it already, for real.

so that's my mr.untouchable.