it depends on what you're looking for

i did a post on standards and the like and i posed the following to you and myself: what makes your such a great catch?

the simple answer is: it varies. not everyone seeks the same things. it's about compatibility. if you look at what most people want, i probably do not fit the bill. let's investigate further.

1. 90% of the time, i dont want kids- that means i dont have them already. for some dudes this matters, others, not so much. there are dudes who want kids so this is a deal-breaker.

2. i dont want to get married- that sounds good to a non-commital man but there are guys in the world who want to one day get married even if it isnt in the immediate future. for dudes who claim they dont want to get married, they also arent looking for a long-term or exclusive relationship, which are things that i seek.

3. i have two degrees- ive read on a couple of blogs that dudes dont give a hell about that and that's fine. i just think it helps to know that in an ideal economy, im making my own money. some dudes want a woman completely dependent on them and those dudes are usually abusers so they can keep that.

4. i clean up pretty nice- i never said i was the most attractive thing to look at but a dude can rest assured that i wont show up to meet his mama looking crazy. i tend to dress appropriately for my size and i do a decent job with my makeup. i can be sexy without being whorish. this could potentially matter because i'm forever seeing dudes paired with women who dont look like anything.

5. i dont care if sunday is football-only- i like football. i dont despise it and suffer through it b/c you like it. i dont pretend not to like it but watch it religiously even without a dude for reasons unknown...football is ok with me. some dudes actually do not like football (if i meet another one of those i will have a bad time). also, there are dudes who do not care if i like football or not it's something THEY enjoy and has little to do with others. it's neither a deal-maker nor -breaker.

i honestly do not know what guys seek. i kind of only listed the qualities i care about. i want a guy with education, who is attractive/dresses nicely, likes football, doesnt NEED to have kids, and is willing to commit. i want what im bringing to the table. anything else is bonus.

i GUESS i can be flexible on the football thing, maybe. ugh, that's tough. there is something less masculine to me about a man who does not care at all about football. i dont know. im weird.

we dont want any

here is my top ten list of people/things i wish to submit my official letter of #wedontwantany to:

10. blockbuster- we didnt like you before bankrupcy and netflix has us covered for our temporary dvd needs

9. network tv airing infomercials or uninteresting games on Sunday- why would we wanna see ravens v. bucs rather than bears v. eagles???? and then the audacity to talk about the interesting game like you are going to air it only to show this fuckery?

8. kanye west's penis picture- just why did that need to be shared?

7. AMAs- we all know i dont watch award shows and on the one occassion i do, that's what i got? pitchy ballads and pre-pubescent canadians? no, thank you.

6. thanksgiving leftovers- we dont care once the good sides and desserts have been eaten. no one wants to see that dry ass turkey anymore. it's time to cook new food.

5. nicki minaj- i already told ya'll the bitch couldnt get it but we just don't want an album of her all by her lonesome. we also dont need her special edition lip product which is just a copy cat of other pale pink lipsticks from MAC's permanent line.

4. spelling/grammar errors- we NEVER wanna see you write "anchorage" when you are trying to express "encourage".

3. negative nancy- we don't mean our usual anti-ass sentiments on this blog. we mean negative ass people who like to go around sharing an opinion no one asked for. if we make a fb status, it's not always for your approval/disapproval though we recognize it's public forum. our thing is simply, why are you finding something negative to say even if the status is a mere "it's sunday"? stfu, #wedontwantany

2. chronic RT'ers- no one wants to see snippets of your dry ass conversation between you and some other boring person with no context. that's what bbm is for. why are you retweeting that? also, we followed you because we thought you were capable of original thought but we were swindled into seeing 19,000 of your 20,000 tweets being RT's of others and quotes and crap.

1. mass holiday texts- that generic shit woulda passed if it didnt include the phrase "each and every one of you" and the fact that you showed up as a number instead of a name. that phony, 2 or 3 times a year shit? #wedontwantany

um...

i just dont see it for dudes with all these standards and requisites but they have no accountability themselves. and you are like "wtf are you talking about?" imma tell ya. you KNOW imma tell you.

on twitter, a beloved spelman sister asked when does marriage cross a young man's mind when he thinks of a woman he is involved with. most of the responses mirrored each other but one dude wrote: "what I find is that it is a lot easier to lise the wifey type title then is to regain it, but it is a thought for me..."

what he wanted to write was "lose" and "than". spelling and grammar errors make me want to write you off immediately. and of course, i'm guilty myself. i've seen some of my blog posts and been like "girl, what?" but shut up and let me finish my hypocritical post...

i can let that slide but what i cant with. what i REALLY cant with is dudes who say things like women who dont/cant cook are useless. there is nothing wrong with the statement in itself. it's an opinion. i dont wholly agree with it b/c i fall in that category but whatever. my thing is, i dont aspire to be that kind of woman for you when you cant be that kind of man for me. i will make food out of necessity but no, i cant burn in the kitchen. i dont and wont care until there is a dude who comes at me properly.

it might be a catch 22. you may say i cant attract that type of dude because i dont cook. i know great women who cook who are single and face the same bullshit as everyone else. the dudes cheating on significant others and constantly tweeting about tits and ass and coming on faces can spare me the cooking complaints. exactly what are YOU doing that makes you a great catch to have all the requirements you do? im sorry, im not filling your belly when you cant take me on a decent date or you are so disrespectful as to come and pick me up and call me and tell me you're outside. bitch, my car is outside, too. if im not being greeted at my door and walked to your car, then i could have just met you wherever the fuck we're going. that's so dumb to me. it's disrespectful to me AND since you know i live with my parents, it's kinda rude to them. and dont fake like it's a novel idea when i tell you that's not acceptible. the next dude to do that shit and to actually have some bitter ass retort is getting hung up on and im going to bed. #grindsmygears

i have to ask myself that same question: what's so great about me? not one person is exempt from this. my answer may be in an upcoming post.

this is getting to be ri-damn-diculous

my vibrator quit me. that is all.

you know what phrase i hate?

"im just checking on you"

wtf does that even mean? checking for what? did you hear that something bad happened to me? IDK how you could have because we havent talked in weeks/months/years. are you predicting something bad will occur? did you have a weird dream that reminded you that i exist?

what kills me is the dudes i used to fuck with who were asked to exit my life. they call a few months down the line or text and say "hey, blah blah blah" and i might ask "who it is" or ask "what's up" or what do they want. "oh i was just checking on you". um....

if you had not done what you did (or not done) and been asked to quit me, you wouldnt have to check. you would just know. furthermore, if you disappeared without a trace or explanation, the same holds true for you.

what are you assessing for? what is this "check" about? stop saying that. what the hell is it that you want? because all im going to tell you is that im fine or im ok or that im great. all that means to me is you're seeing if im dead or not. is that what you wanna know? and why? it's not like you subsequently ask to see me or apologize for being a collosal failure. you are and always have been useless so go away and stay away. i thank you.

why nicki minaj CANNOT get it

1. she has the same problem chris brown has: she cant be tolerated on her own. based on twitter reviews, she's ok as a guest on someone else's track but cant stand on her own

2. she's annoying: from the wig dipped in gumby's blood at last night's AMAs to her faux accents, i can't with her

3. im not into the faux fatty. yea, she got a big ass but she and angel lola love are some phonies.

i dont feel like devoting any more thought to this topic. i just want her to do something silent like model b/c i always LOVE her make up. that is all.

i dont normally do this

im not one for new years resolutions but im thinking that 2011 will be the year i finish reading the bible. i read the new testament b/c those chapters are significantly shorter. of course, im gonna read them all again. when i think of reading the bible, it's like im going to watch all the lord of the rings movies (extended version) except longer and you know, in book form. doesnt appeal to me. i still cant believe i watched lord of the rings. smh.

idk. what are you thinking about?

let me explain some things to you

I just got my score and I passed the National Counselors Exam (NCE).

you're sitting there like "ok, what does that mean?"

let me tell you:

in short, it means that once i submit my official transcript and an endorsement form, i can put NCC (National Certified Counselor) behind my name. this makes me more attractive to potential employers and is one of the qualifiers for getting licensed. basically, it says that i took a test that proves i didnt spend my entire graduate career bullshitting and i know what im talking about for the most part.

the next steps are:

• accruing 3,500 supervised, paid work experience
• applying for licensure once those hours are obtained
• being approved and FINALLY using my degree on my own, if i want to
• probably no longer doing this blog/doing this blog A LOT differently (this may occur some time before i actually get my license)

pop-ups: internet vs. real life

reader poll: do you think i say the stuff in real life that i type on twitter, fb, and this blog?

the simple answer is: absolutely.

i'm sure i've discussed the pop-ups before. a dude exits my life for some reason and tries to reappear at some later juncture. i've had a recent influx of this and if you're a twitter follower, you've seen my uneditted reactions. let's see if i can provide you with my twitter rant and it's corresponding real-life responses.

poor, unfortunate soul 1:

tweets-

Oh...I hate pop ups. And y the fuck couldn't u appear, idk, around homecoming so u could drive me down? Useless!

are u stupid? ARE YOU STUPID?! it take your idiotic ass til easters to realize how awesome i am. bitch, BYE.

somebody better get their morehouse brother...

my real life response-

he asked would to ever see me again to which i responded "probably not"

so that was not a good match up of sentiment and verbalizations. let's look at the next case.

poor, unfortunate soul 2:

tweets-

here u come with the "im sorry" #forcoloredgirls was talkin bout. i dont care about that.

how u come 2 yrs later with ur sorry giving urself too much credit assuming u "hurt" me? u dont make any sense. NONE.

oh! ur michael scott. giving relationships more intensity than they ever had.

my real life responses-

i could ask u the same question but it never matters. i was never hurt over it.

im just trying to understand where all these strong feelings came from when we were only talking for a few weeks.

oddly, it was something u were willing to let go off. and unfortunately for you, it's something u will continue to miss.

let's look at the 3rd and final case presented today.

poor unfortunate soul 3:

twitter-

what. the. hell? go back to 2 months ago from whence u came! skinny mofos getting cold and wanna holla back at the big girl. bitch, bye.

and who confronts someone via fb for unfriending them? i dont confront u for being skinny. let me live.

oh, uve been busy? STAY BUSY, heaux! and stay mad when i tell u that shit, bitch. these pussy ass niggas...

my real life responses-

nope. no one is 2 months of busy so it's whatever. i dont care. if u dont care, i cant begin to care.

*shrug* i rarely know why anyone does anything. but whatever u say isnt all i can go by. i have to go by what u do. no action= no interest, in my book. plus u said u werent looking for anything so i left u alone. those who want nothing will get just that.

could have sworn i did. if ur too busy, stay busy.

WHAT A WEEK...

bottom line is this: you cant shit on me and then, as my girl would say, have a come to jesus moment and wanna pick up where things left off. where are you from that that behavior is acceptable?

ASK ME ANYTHING

this is a little different from my reader request series. those were about my opinions on random topics. this time, i'm inviting you to ask whatever you want about me. if you follow me on twitter, i bet you know more than you wanted to know. if, you're T and we're fb friend and bbm buddies, you really have an antithesis overload. for people who aren't T, what do you want to know? you may ask me as many questions as you want. i'm not saying i will answer any and every question so i suggest asking multiple questions.

stop me if you heard this one...

i went back to the place i raved about, Founding Farmers. my same friend i went with the first time randomly wanted to go back on her half day at work. this time, i got the shrimp and grits! the dish pales in comparison to the roast beef i had on my first visit. i was given a generous portion but it was not filling. i wasnt starved but it probably wasnt the best choice not to eat anything all day in preparation for my visit. i finished my meal with their wonderful carrot cake, which i apologize for not having a pic of. i was surprised to conclude that i preferred the carrot cake to their red velvet cake and you know how much i loved that red velvet.

Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better

remember how i said i was going to randomly insert responses to T's month of daily posts. here's another.

not necessarily something that makes me feel better but something that makes me smile: sometimes when a guy im seeing kisses me even when i freshly applied gloss, i look at him and say "you look pretty". they immediately look at my lips and wipe their own. sometimes they say "aww, man" or suck their teeth but what makes me smile is the look of contempt they give. like they are so offended that i had something on even if they saw me put it on just a second ago.

i'm easily amused.

better...or worse?

i havent been to the eye doctor in a while but that isnt what this post is about. it's about my niece. she's 13.

if that isnt the most inconvenient age. this fully developed 8th grader is just the most. i keep forgetting she's a kid b/c she looks older than me (she's taller than me as the MAC makeup artist just had to point out). so when i make plans to do things with her i have to remember to check to see if it's age appropriate. unfortunately, a lot of her movie picks are not. idk what she's allowed to do over her dad's house and such but we have rules on this side of the family. so for a second weekend in a row, her mom and i are going to the movies without her after at one point saying she could come. then we thought about it and we were like "um, can she even see that". that answer is a simple "no".

i want to include her on things but my sister and i dont do too much to begin with. the gun range is highly inappropriate despite the fact that some white boy and his peepaw were there the last time we went. going out to eat gets expensive if we take her #shegreedy and plus my sis sometimes just wants to be sans kiddies. i know my sister hates to shop so she always asks me to take her shopping. i hate her taste so i can go on and on about that. but i also grow tired of the mall myself.

will things be easier when she's like 16? she'll be allowed to see more different kinds of movies. but at the same time, that attitude...LAWD. she's already getting out there with that mouth. whenever im over there, im like "woah, dont get punched in the face". idk. wanna see 11 year old me and my mini me? sure you do. we were bff's from JUMP:

this was my bday tea and if you looked at the rest of the pics from that day, you'd see other folks holding her but she's smiling at me the whole time. :)

show it or dont

im so over emotionally unavailable males. you want to be with me? you're interested? let the shit be known. gone are the days where i sit and think "well, maybe he...". nope. i dont care what he might be thinking or what his intentions might be. if i dont know, im just not going to know. i might ask if im interested but if there's nothing there to be interested in, i dont care. there is no more "try" with me. either you do or you dont. making excuses for dudes perpetuate their lazy ass mentality that women should do x, y, and z while they should not be held to any standards remotely as stringent. to. hell. with. that. that's some 2010 shit and we're rocketting into 2011. #weoffthat

as always, i'm open to your thoughts and opinions.

timeline check-in

at the beginning of last month, i posted a timeline. one you probably did not read because it didnt have anything to do with you. i will have you know that:

• i've applied for graduation and had that subsequent $100 tacked onto my tuition bill.
• i took the NCE and i havent the slightest idea how i did b/c that exam was a puzzle wrapped in an enigma housed in a glass case of emotion.
• i checked on a contact RE: a job. she aint got one for me.
• informational interviews were a bust. people dont give a shit that i wanna know about them and what they do. theyre busy.
• i got a job. it starts in january. not what i deeply and truly want but it's what i got.
• with that said, im still looking/crossing my fingers to get to do my true interest.

i could have kept my seat

all im saying is, im no further than where i was BEFORE i decided to grab life by the horns and be the persuer of stranger at the bar. he never called. texted though. texts were wack. they werent sexy. they werent even flirty. just...dry. that's what i get for trying to make fetch happen #meangirls. and that's all i have to say about that #forestgump.