why am i not smart?

Friday, May 2, 2008
i often find myself wondering "why are you not smart? what school system has failed you?" when interacting with others. i have to explain my sense of humor, define vocabulary, or provide multiple examples. it gets so annoying. but i've come to realize that what others are lacking in book smarts, i often lack in common sense. 

there are some things i should have known a long time ago. the last time i communicated with my most recent ex i said "...it took me a lot longer to realize that i am not what you want and you are not what i need". "it took me a lot longer..." he knew long before me he did not love me and never would. now i realize that it was his loss but STILL. why did it take me so damn long? 

the real problem is the one guy. four years ago when i was graduating, he wasn't around. he didnt take me to my prom eventhough i went to his two years before.  i let him back into my life and here i am about to graduate and we dont speak. i feel like i should have known back in '04 that he was not the male for me. if i didnt know for that reason, there were others that should have told me to let that male go. i wont call him a man because he is not and it will be a long time before he is one. 

so here i am disappointed. in him and in myself. i should have known better. i should know better. he would say "you think too much". at that time, i really didnt think enough. now, because of him and the others, i may really be thinking too much and this man who loves me now might really love me. sadly, i can't love him back...

hey, love: dont call me anymore! we are not friends!

6 thought(s):

Traycee said...

I've so been there...Most people have played the fool at least once in there life...When I finally let go ...it allowed me to meet and fall in Love with the most wonderful man..My husband !!!

Product Junkie Diva said...

As cliche as it may be there is truth in the saying - "when you know better you do better". As you get older you will take these life lessons and learn from them. Try your best not to find yourself in that type of position again. Walk away from the situation with knoweldge, wisdom and a lesson learned, but do not automatically block others out of your life or prevent yourself from being open to new possibilities....
Just my 2 cents
Product Junkie Diva

T said...

In romantic relationships it usually takes an "aha moment" to realize common sense things that everyone around you (including the male involved) notices already.

But you can't beat yourself up when your aha moment comes later than you think it should. We're usually blinded by several factors that prevent the "aha moment" from getting to our brain...

Pretty sure you can figure out what 98% of those factors are. :)

Don said...

i feel you, ashley. i too have been there - that place where you can't let go of the past long enough to enjoy the future. i have no advice against your heart, cause you know whats in your heart. i will just say this: you will know when it's time to let go.

i see you keep poppin' in and out of my blog without speaking. you scared to speak, or something? LOL.

Standtall said...

It happens to the best of us. This allows room for smartness and exprience to handle the future and guide people that might need advice from us. SO, we become thicker, smarter,stronger and the best

KelleMichelle said...

Thanks for that! lol. I have been there so many FREAKING times!! I'm going through that right now actually. In the shower today I had an epiphany. If we are never in uncomfortable situations like this..how will we be able to know our God as a comforter?!...I dunno..it helped me. It helped me realize trials bring patience and patience bring hope!..Sorry, I dont know you but I feel you! Be encouraged!!