death and dying

some people associate death with being bad. not my view at all. the following is taken out of context from a conversation between myself and a friend. basically, hopefully, it explains my position on death. more specifically, this pertains to terminal illness but can be extrapolated to various types of death or loss. i wish people were positive in more ways than thinking the world is unicorns and glitter...

"my thing is god gave that person cancer for a reason. not my business what that reason was but if she dies from it, the death isnt the whole damn story. theres more to it between her, her family, and god, and whoever else he includes. and also her death may mean something to others. i dont know. but to think that life is the only miracle in the world is narrow-minded. there are good things that come out of illness and death, too."

more about the wedding

so if you are subscribed to me on youtube (and you're paying attention) then you know i've been trying out makeup looks for my brother's wedding in June. um, just realized. im already wearing a purple dress and purple shoes so why the hell and i planning purple makeup? no. no. no. no. no.

do over. i may or may not make more videos but im surprised the few people who watched my videos didn't bring attention to that fact. i can't be walking out looking like an 80's prom attendee. back to the drawing board. i probably will do the unthinkable and go with some bland ass neutral-type situation. ick!

o_O moments of the week

i only left the house ONE day this week. i feel like i don't keep you updated on the weirdness i regularly experience so let's go:

moment #1- monday at happy hour at the bar. dude: *after getting my number* "what's you last name?" "ok, imma find you on facebook"

moment #2- later that night at the club. bouncer: "he can't come in with those sneakers on" *few seconds later, guy calls it a night and exits with sneakers on*

moment #3 wednesday morning at 8:45 am. male friend (in his 40s): "im just watching your youtube videos" me: "aren't you at work?" male friend: "yup"

moment #4 later that day. i and my trainor asked that i be given two shifts on sunday. repeated a couple of times for clarification. boss: *sounding excited* "i was able to get you on the schedule for two shifts on saturdays"

it's thursday. this has been the dumbest week for me. taking shots of wine, eating nasty cupcakes (how do you mess up a cupcake), unseasonably cold weather, a poorly-written svu episode, and who knows what else i'll encounter in the next few days.

how do you pray?

in confirmation, i was taught a specific way to pray. of course i don't do it that way. some people ask for what they want, some more specific than others. i try not to do that but i invite God to have His will in my life. thinking about that, i feel dumb because he's going to do just that. He will do it his way, whether i'm into it or not because He knows best. i still like my way. i talk to God and i let him know what he already knows: what im thinking, what im feeling, what im worried about, whatever. then i tell him that he already knows what i want and then i invite Him to do what he knows best. that's it. i think i usually close with "amen" but maybe not always.

how do you do it? what does your conversation look like?

product of the month

i went to mac to turn my 6 empties into a fun new make up item. i was disappointed to learn that i cant back2MAC for the new superglass :(. i'd bought disco blend and i was interested in a second but could not justify another $18.

i looked around and my eyes landed on cremesheen glasses. i already had a dazzleglass before and i was not in the mood for something sparkly again. cremesheen was just the finish i needed. as i swatched all they had to offer, my friend wasnt sold on the one i picked but i was. it's the perfect nude lip for me. i decided on "over endulgence" and i dont regret my decision.

the gloss was so fitting because on that same visit, the MUA let us play around with the items from the to the beach collection!!!! i will be over indulging in my makeup habit. here are my picks/what i plan to buy from the collection:

float on by liner

sweet and punchy eye shadow

firecracker eye shadow

flurry of fun lipglass

i already have humid which is permanent and i want shimmermoss but it's permanent, too so it can wait. what will you be getting?

it has nothing to do with me but i love it

tomorrow is cinco de mayo! it's also my oldest brother's bday. i always found it interesting that separately, my parents got the month and day of their kid's bdays to match (5/5 and 7/7) but then they got together and had my brother and it didnt work (12/20). they didnt do any better with me, i wouldnt mind being 10/10 instead of 10/02. i would have been 10/01 since that was the original c-section date and then i would have been a pallendrome. arent numbers fun?

anyway, that's never the point of this post. it's gonna be mexico's independence day. all that means to me is margarita after margarita after nachos after margarita. i'll be going out with some classmates after i get done with internship and im so excited to have cash in hand and somewhere to go. this internship year has been rough and not being able to work had my bank account on empty. the roughest patch is just about through and im ready to celebrate. DRINK UP!

i really want an answer

why do people get married?

during confirmation, they told me it was one of the sacraments like baptism. you have to do it. not everyone is religious.

people have gotten married to have sex. well, sex has become very casual so...and having a kid together is never a reason. never a good one at least.

another reason i could think of is for financial reasons. not everyone is a gold digger and not everyone has gold to dig for. also, there are those who have gain financial security without another person.

so why does the rest of the world get married? and the decision to get married for the aforementioned probably was not originally or admittedly based on those reasons so what is it? US citizenship? what are the benefits?

no, that's stupid

with classes being over, i've had some time to really reflect on some things. one thing in particular has been one dumb ass excuse i keep getting. how is it that i have the problem simply because no one ever called you on your bullshit before? "no other girl has had a problem with the fact that i...xyz". and are you with that low-life any longer?

am i any of the girls you've ever dealt with? can't possibly be because i dont refer to myself as a "girl". most dudes will agree that i am a lot different than a) anyone they've dealt with and/or b) most women my age. with that known, how can you presume that treating me the same would go over well? i understand not knowing how to change but i feel you should attempt something different. switch up your approach.

for a while, ive been walking around like there's something wrong with me because i dont like to be disrespected and treated like less than i am. the only thing wrong with me is having ever thought that. it's he who is deficient. i have enough friends with standards similar to my own to say that im not that much of an anomaly.

get me outta here

i just shared what i like about the summer. now here's what i can do without:

1. the heat- the air must be pumpin on the bus, a/c goin in my car, and i must be able to have easy access to an indoor location within 5 minutes of wherever i am outdoors. i talked about cookouts but it better not be at some park pavillion. i will go out to get my food hot off the grill and the rest of the food better be in the house on the table. i'll be in the living room...
2. unattractive people- for some reason im certain these people were around in the winter but the hats and coats covered their generally poor fashion taste and gruesome appearance. not everyone should wear that. in most cases, no one ever should wear that so please stop. also, i know you didnt know this when you chose to be that naked, but you're body is offensive. dont know why your friend did not tell you...
3. bus stop hollers- this happened even while wearing my northface in a blizzard but honking of horns esculates during the spring/summer and now people want to circle the block and comeback and feel comfortable rolling their window down and ACTUALLY expecting me to get in or at the very least come closer
4. seeing your feet- this may fall under unattractive people but this also needs it's own section. i admit, my toes are not cute but i put forth EFFORT. they are not ashy, crusted over, and unpedicured. i can appreciate unattractive PEDICURED toes long before hooves.
5. tourists- it began with the cherry blossoms. still cant believe all them dumbasses came from everywhere to see a fuckin tree. and japanese citizens? we got them from you! look in your fucking backyard. living in a major (on of the most major) city has a huge disadvantage. get the hell out the street. if you're american, im pretty sure the same rules apply where the fuck you're from: the street is for cars; the sidewalk is for people.

what am i missing off my lists?

matching

the weather is finally reflecting the month/season we're in. warm weather makes me crave certain things. im in the mood for:

1. sundresses- it's too hot for clothes but since the government has this laws about how much skin can be exposed, i'll settle for this light and airy option
2. klondike bars- really any cool treat. pints of ben and jerrys, freeze pops, sundaes, shakes and smoothies
3. peach cobbler- i think of this as a summer treat that goes along with a respectable cookout. without the cobbler, you're just grillin'
4. banana pudding- i guess you could serve this instead of cobbler and still have a decent cookout
5. potato salad- i dont think i have this in the cooler months with the exception of thanksgiving
6. sam adams cherry wheat- one of the few beers i still like. i'll also take corona or red stripe

up next...what i dont enjoy about summer

the long and short of it

someone who hadnt seen me in a year complimented me on how much my hair has grown. when i thanked her, she made a face and a comment letting me know she thought i had a weave. cant remember her exact words. i made a face, too and politely corrected her.

my hair isnt even that long! it's barely bra-strap length and i had it in a ponytail the say the girl saw me. wtf?

is it because i died it jet black and usually chicks who wear weaves buy the hair in some unnatural-looking shade like 1b? let me assure you that i've sworn off sew-ins and when i did wear them, i did my best to match my natural hair color and texture (when pressed).

and even if you thought it wasnt my hair, why would you share that with me? those are the kind of things i prefer be said or thought behind my back. tell me shit like i have something on my face, not you think im an imposter...