what you dont have

i hate a nigga to say shit like "i dont think i can date anyone until i have x,y, and z together" and THEN get shit together and be like "where was everybody when i didnt have nothing?" i almost hope future me is around just to be like "ahem, i wanted your weak ass. but i guess that doesn't count because you clearly didnt want me. glad to know for sure now." but i wont be.

i find it perfectly understandable to want to get your ducks in a row before you add someone else to the picture. i still see you prioritizing horribly so im inclined to believe that you're just not interested in me. and that's fine but just say so.

i dont know what my problem is needing to wait and hear it. it's like i want someone to be mean to me when they really arent trying to. seems like they like me enough not to try and hurt my feelings but no more than that.

it's now time for me to just let go off what i dont have. sure, we can be friends but we need to be the kind of friends me and my male bff are. if we go do something, i have to just pay for myself. the tough part will be putting aside those feelings of attraction. i think the feeling of stupidity that comes with liking someone who doesnt like you back will help with that. i do not love feeling dumb as the fuck. and that's just how i feel. *sigh*