Friday, July 16, 2010
it is so apparent that i need to get the hell out of my parents' house. it's no secret that my mother and i have a turmultuous relationship. i dont want to stay in the hypercritical environment any longer. i dont need anyone clocking my every move to the point that i opt to take a shower when i get home and it's imparative that i offer an immediate response to the question of if im going anywhere while im currently mid telephone conversation. it's never that serious as it effects her in no way. and if i were leaving, it would have to be after i replaced my towel with outerwear and ended my telephone conversation (i dont have a bluetooth). so that, and a plethora of other reasons is why i can't stay there anymore. one very serious one is the being constantly told to get out. which i dont get because if you want to know where i am every moment of the day, the main way NOT to ever know that is for me to move out. what my mother fails to realize is that when i do leave, she will no longer be a part of my life. i have no idea why she cant see that. i dont respond to her emails and and i do not answer her calls now and i live with her. what makes her think that will change once i leave? it wont. my biggest concern at the moment is making it such that she doesnt know where the hell ive moved. that bitch has no life so it's not beyond her to be camped out outside my residence so she can say whatever it is she feels she needs to say to me. i dont know what the qualifications are for a restraining order are but im not beyond getting one if that means my sanity. i cant allow this mentally unstable woman to stress me out and compromise my own sanity any longer. she refuses to get help (and she is probably beyond help) and my father refuses to leave so it's up to me to save myself since clearly no one else can or will help. unfortunately, i havent figured out a means to this end.

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