it's educational

niece- why do they call it 'black friday', anyway?

sis- because stores hope not to lose money on that day which would put them 'in the black' versus being 'in the red'.

me- and also because black people are the biggest consumers and that's who is most likely to be in the store that day.

sis- that, too. 

i'm not in the store, not because im so psuedo intellectual who thinks this day is somehow racist or my participation in it will somehow "set the race back". i'm not in the store because i don't do two things: crowds and n*ggas. every black person is not a n*gga and ever n*gga ain't black. but i KNOW the stores are full of those two things and that combination plus my short temper will cause me to act ignant. since i have a future, i can't be doin' all that. happy bargain hunting to you brave ones!

oh give thanks

people im thankful for right now

• the folks who comment on my blog- loves yous!!!!!!!!!!! can't say that enough!
• mr.klean- gets...on...my...nerves and i'm 1000% sure i get on his but whatev's. he's here for a reason, i think.
• mr.officer- sooooo quick to tell me about myself but i appreciate his old butt.
• mr.untouchable- 'bout to call him mr. lifesaver because he stay on that rescue tip. plus he's pretty cool when he wanna be
• chantastic a.k.a chanteezy a.k.a c.Ant- this chick....man, i love her like...like i don't even know but she's my wifey if there ever was such a thing for me
• marquitas- i don't remember why her name is plural but it is. that's my other wife. ALL HOMO!
• jaz and t- there are no words. they are the truth out here, ok?
• dee- this bitch is a mess but she's also the best!
• the jacksons- i run away to their house on the regular because i <3>big brother- goes without saying because he does what big brothers do. #3 strongest man in MD so don't f*ck w/ me!
• the list could go on but imma end w/ this one: the rest of my fam especially grandma Price: HAPPY BDAY, GRANNY!!!!!!!!!

aiight let's carve the turkey and bust open some of auntie's banana pudding...

the face i make when i see spencer pratt

or any other equally annoying thing takes place:

things i hate more than spencer pratt

i have no more disdain for any other person i have never actually met than i do for spencer pratt. i loathe this character whom has never directly adversely affected my life. i am hard-pressed to find something i dislike more. but here they are; i hate these things more than spencer pratt:

• when my knee locks up and aches for the rest of the day
• when i have a REALLY bad cold. like phlem and all that. the only good part of that mess is my sexy voice (think pheobe on "friends"; hell yea, i watched that!)
• when a child is abused
• when my favorite shows are preempted by something boring/irrelevant to my life
• hang nails
• being followed by lame dudes in the club (no i take that back. i would rather a lame dude follow me in the club than look at spencer pratt for 2 seconds)
• throwing up. that's a tough-y because everytime he does something, i throw up a little in my mouth
• the one thing i hate more than him individually is the fact that Speidi got effing MARRIED. nothing is sacred...omg is they had a kid??? a devil spawn??? that would pretty much undo every good thing that has happened this year.

i dont know why i hate him so much. maybe it's his shitty, rude disposition or the fact that i think that if i touched him it would be sticky and possibly smell bad. he looks like his breath stinks. it's as if his facial hair is clear and it's creepy as f*ck. i would post a pic or vid here but it disturbs me too much. you just have to watch the hells (read "the hills") yourself...

live bloggin'

real housewives of atl reunion

9:08- don't forget, first week of january: kim's album comes out. no word yet on which january....

9:13- did she just say her wig was squeezing her brain???????

9:16- when people have cancer, they USUALLY stop smoking...

9:17- bitch, who lies about having cancer??? and who continues to go to a doctor who misdiagnoses it?

9:19- i just wanna take a moment to note how i have nowhere near the income of these heffas and my weave was more fly than theirs. even counting the time i had that cheap joint with milky way hair....

9:21- prior to this engagement, sheree, you resembled a horse. with that flip bang and sasha un-fierce ponytail, you confirmed your true identity. 

9:26- was that really the best question lisa got? some man's fantasy about her husband???damn she's boring and obnoxious. even the people interested in her are obnoxious.

9:33- i've been starting at that sweater sheree has on. what is that patch about? like that missing spot on her shoulder? but she's into fashion, right? yea, ok...

9:39- ive grown bored with this. hopefully, you watched so now it's your turn to discuss. sound off!

iLOVE

i love K.C. no, i'm not talking about the crackhead (although, frankie is my b*tch). no, i adore Keyshia Cole!!! the heffa cannot sing, her performances are wack, but she sings it like she means it and i truly love it. you dont know how many times i blasted "the way it is" while stuck in atlanta traffic. that cd saved my life and everyone's life who had a fulton, dekalb, cobb, or some other GA county tag. plus the chick is BAD ASS! i don't care what nobody say, i love keyshia cole. ALL homo (i'm not gay but i hate that people say "no homo". like seriously? wtf?). but yea, she got on this whole old hollywood glam look and i'm all for it. i loved her w/ her old hood look but the new classy joint got me goin' crazy. loves it!

i still love this fly ass chick, too:

no idea why i felt compelled to share that...

you comin' with?

as we approach 2009, i have to start thinking about what will be different from '08. last year i anticipated graduation, the possibility of a new location for grad school and some people got left in '07. they didn't pass away (i dont think), they are just dead to me. ok, that was a little harsh but whatever...

so for 2009, i am like the losing-est team in football and some folks are getting fired. some people might be out of my world before the year is up. we shall see. 

not completely sure what else will change. what will be different in for you in '09?

iDied

like i flatlined on this post: http://www.dlisted.com/node/29442

in case you're wondering

i know a few of you have been watching that little ticker down the side. about that...yea, i stopped working out and eatting better. i decided i would hold on to my girth a little longer to keep me warm this winter. like i really cant stand to be cold and i'm almost always cold because im borderline anemic. 

you may say, "just take some iron". well iron has side effects and i experience them. pretty much any side effect listed with any medication, i experience. even when it's like "this only happened with one clinical trial participant but the law says we gotta list it". yup, i'm that one participant. and multivitamins make me nauseous. i can take them with food, though i dont normally eat breakfast right away, and it does not help. i can take them with juice, doesn't really work out. something made me think i needed to take a vitamin after a night of heavy drinkings and i threw up. since then i REALLY don't want it. 

what my hair is doing

whenever my hair isn't looking cute, and admittedly that is often, my sister greets me with a, "so sis, what's your hair doin'?" so let me tell you what my hair is doing right now: nothing. i took my weave out because it was starting to look like that ashanti post i did a while back. so shortly after uninstalling, i went to get a trim because i had not had one since may. almost as soon as i sit in the chair, chick is like "ok next time you may want to get a touch up". i'm thinking, a touch up of what? i have never in my 22 years had a relaxer so i was at first thinking my hair color but then i was like no because i went back to black-ish (that reddish-brown thing i did is showing through a little).

but anyway, i seriously get that alot. like "when was your last relaxer". i never had one. thought about getting one but was advised against it but i flat iron the mess outta my head such that if i take my time and do it, it looks relaxed. my aunt warned me that if i kept doing that, my hair wouldn't revert and it would take on that relaxed appearance and she was right because i have what appears to be new growth. so with that problem i always vascillate between "growing it out" and just burning up the roots enough to have it blend with the rest. right now, im just going to go ahead and keep getting roller sets although they dont really look all that cute to me. other people like it on me so i guess that's all that matters.

...and that is what my hair is doing

i cannot stress enough

...how much i LOVE this song. have you noticed the lyrics down the right-hand side of my blog? that was really only supposed to be there for one week. i was going to put song lyrics in that space and change it at least weekly. it's been there for at least 6 months not because i forgot but that nothing really compares to the song it references.that's just a snippet of this beautiful song. like if i could have that??? man, what? just ready to "cut off any loose ends and not even wanna keep a few". that one time is was sooooooooo close. i felt every lyric of this song but i hadn't discovered it yet/it had not been released. and once it was released, i didn't have the appreciation i have for it now because i didn't pay attention to the lyrics. maybe if i had, i would have realized what i had and not done so much stuff to f*ck it up. however, everything happens for a reason and the little girl i was then is not the woman i am now and that dude is no longer a good match for me. as for me now, i just wanna "hear a million angels singing in my ear when i say your name". 

here are the full lyrics:

i can run, i can race for hours and hours 

and don't stop
i can float i can fly us to the highest
mountain top i can breathe you, i can drink in your laugh
i can... i can live on your smile i can trip but if i can fall into your arms i can
stay there my whole life

[Chorus]
i can live
i can love
i can be better with you,

for real
i can hear
i can feel
i can see
i can tell
you are for real

i can stare; i can memorize your face, your hands, your hair
every part of you 

i can cut off any loose ends and 

not even wanna keep a few
i can speak to you so honestly i can't even run any game
i can hear a million angels singing in my ear 
when I say your name

[Chorus]

i can't smile, can't dream like a child
can't feel safe in this wide world without you
c can't go can't disturb this flow
can't begin to know what I would do
i can't see, can't find strength to be
rather not be me without you
i can't deal, i can't even feel, 

without you i'm not real

[Chorus]

just imagine

so i met my friend's boo on her bday last friday. either he is really good or i'm an open book. we laughed, joked, ate and drank. a very enjoyable fellow. towards the end of the evening, he was able to break down my friend and i and our situations. he was able to tell me something about myself i was only able to figure out recently. he didn't know my past, he barely knew the details of my current situation. but he knew me when it came to males. if he can see that in just a couple of hours, imagine what dudes know about me after just a little while. 

honestly, it blew my mind for a minute. but now that i have this information, what will i do with it? probably continue to be a hard-headed individual and continue to get my feelings hurt. one day i will wake up and say, "this is what i wont tolerate" and actually mean it 100%. one day. i wish today was that day. 

more on mr. klean

i guess i sparked an interest in mr. klean with my post last week.

how we met: i was somewhere i didnt wanna be. howard's homecoming, there was a kappa house party and my friend promised the host she would attend and she REALLY wanted me to accompany her. T can attest to the fact that i was ill because i sounded like brandy sounds when she sings. he struck up a convo because that's just the extroverted dude that he is. i thought i did something rude so to compensate later, i alerted him to my departure and he requested an exchange of contact information.

why i like him: he has that certain je' ne se cois (pardon my poor french spelling but i mean "i dont know what"). he is very sexy. he's like a little thing...plus, he didn't come at me with the wackness i've grown so accustomed to since my return to the metro area. he has a great taste in movies and music, two things that are seriously important to me.

so what's wrong with him?: just a few things. mainly things that bother me because he is so much like that one dude who broke my heart in a million pieces. i think it's an aquarian thing, though.

overall, i really like this dude. it scares the hell outta me because i fall quickly and when i do i fall HARD. i have this unshakeable feeling that if that happens he will break my heart and i still dont know if i can handle that. i guess im jazmine sullivan right now. im on my lions and tigers and bears shit. so that explains why i sometimes wanna run but i'm scared of losing out.

also, a key thing too, he's a redskins fan. i mean our kids would be so confused. it's like marrying someone of a different race or religion. yes, it is JUST LIKE THAT. 

it's my parents' anniversary today, but i guess that doesn't mean much. they're part of the reason marriage/divorce scares me.

didn't catch the ball in the cup?

it's ok because the ball is on a string and attached to the cup.* 

i'm going to be just fine. there's somebody somewhere who wants me. like really wants me. not just in the physical sense. but will deeply, madly, and truly love me. the reciprocity i search and long for will be actualized. 

the hard part is just keeping that in mind. 

*get it? from family guy. 

also, on an unrelated note, that cowboys redskins game last night? i was on the field, on the sidelines, under the lights watchin' my 'boys warm up. GO COWBOYS!!!!!!

you owe me- nas

you know what really grinds my gears?

ugh. i'm so sick of living at home with my parents. there are some major reasons for that but the little things are what are really getting to me for some reason. and it's mainly my mother. 

1. you know i go to 11 o'clock service on sunday. why would you get up like right before 10 and take a shower or probably bath (i don't know what you were doing in there) knowing we have slight drainage issues? further, why would you do that with plans to go NOWHERE? yes, i share a bathroom with my mother because she and my dad don't sleep in the same bedroom. another issue but whatever...
2. i'm on a certain diet called "eating to stay alive" and i buy some of my own groceries. i can't get into why there's no food hardly ever in the house but i will say another reason i buy my own stuff is i do south beach sometimes, when im not being lazy and fat. so ANYWAY. if i buy bottled water to take to school/work what makes you think you need to sit at home all day drinking it instead of just getting water from the 'fridge???
3. also, what happened to the walnuts i bought? those things are not cheap. further, how you gonna buy another pack in a SMALLER size than i originally bought?
4. so you're not even going to ask if i wanna see the macy's circular before putting it in the recycle bin?
5. if i parked my car already, why do you need to come out and re-park it? also, in order to do that, did you really need to adjust ALL my settings? mirrors all f*cked up and seat all up in the steering wheel. also, i swore i had more gas than this...
6. if you are home all week, why do i need to compete with you to wash clothes on the weekends? i should only have to really compete with dad...

oh well, happy birthday. 

i found the near-perfect man!

too bad he exists in like 10 different dudes. i just need one dude. he would have:

• the i-don't-know-what sexiness of mr. untouchable and mr. klean
• the generousity, thoughtfulness, and endowment of mr. officer
• the sensitivity and conscientiousness of BFF
• the freaky nature of mr. klean
• the sports team preferences of mr. fanatic
• the literary ability of don
• the musical tastes of mr. klean

really???!!!!

told to me in the club:

"i would start by taking you to Dave and Buster's and if you're hungry, we can grab something to eat after."

allow me to point out the things wrong with that statement.

1. you and i are over the age of 18; you much further away than me but that's irrelevant
2. they serve food at that establishment so why not just eat there???
3. i never agreed to go out with you
4. i don't recall inviting you to speak to me
5. the fuck?! like does that impress all the hoes or did you just think that would work with me because i appear to be very young?
6. seriously, Dave and Buster's???
7. no, really? is that the best you could come up with? 
8. yea...i wouldn't even tell people that

enjoy your day.

breaks my heart

maybe i feel too much. there was a time where i was almost completely numb. i thought there was something wrong with that. now i long for that time where i had no feelings. because it was then i couldnt be hurt. i could be annoyed, tired, bored, but not hurt. i couldn't feel love; for anyone else or anyone else's love towards me. it felt...un-right.

somehow, i feel feelings now. and they get hurt. alot. i can't control it. stuff that i don't think should hurt hurts. stuff that never really mattered to me.

my heart must still be "broken". my emotions must still be displaced and mixed up. my soul just does not feel right.

these 4 words

diahna's little 2-year-old nephew is a genius. he needs to be a motivational speaker or something because he came up with the absolute best phrase. these 4 words, "i dont want it" sum up my feelings on so many things. really, it's perfect. REALLY!

scenario 1-

guy: take my number

me: i dont want it

scenario 2-

guy: i want to give you this ring

me: i dont want it

scenario 3-

random person: here's a flyer

me: i dont want it

i used to think i wanted a boyfriend. nope, i dont want it. i believed there was a chance i would want to actually be married one day. im about 96% sure i dont want it. not until i started working toward this master's degree did i come to the conclusion that i dont want it. i just want the privilages and such that come with it. this is some bullshit...

if you're out there- john legend

download that track. CELEBRATE!!!!!! still can't believe it....

speechless

"it's mind bottling". who said that? what movie is that from again?

anyway... i'm at a loss for words. the fuckery that is my day-to-day experience with people with penises is a huge problem. i would elaborate but i dont know where to begin and...like serious i can't even finish a sentence when it comes to this shit. 

why...

but then...

and if that's the case...

but...

WHO THE FUCK...?

what gives you...?

where do you get off...?

imma just vote, i'll have a voice at the polls today!

all you need to know about baby mama

i saved you 2 hours. gimme $10. (i liked the movie but yea, that was the funniest part)