living in the past

Tuesday, April 8, 2008
i dont love you. i dont even like you
so why do i ignite you?
i mean evoke you
or these memories of you
and you act as though you never knew
or dont know
we were ever friends or even more
you treat me as if i were a foe
i want to stay while you say "go"
what do you say? do you call me "hoe"
or a past flame that led to woe?
did i make you feel poor
bringing you to make me feel what you felt before?
you continue to ignore
but i implore
i plead and i agitate you
i agrivate you
as if that would make you
that would take you
back to a time 
when you were mine
and i wasn't left for someone else to find
some other man to claim
just for me to blame
him for not having your name
for not thinking your thoughts, speaking in your voice
but i'm here by choice
giving him a chance but not really
not truely
not due-ly
not fully
i'm hurt all over again
trying to find the same man
time and time again
never learning
never turning defeat into gain
never realizing a lesson in my pain
driving my self further insane
so my search is in vain
i keep coming across the same thing
telling myself it's new
knowing inside, it's you
pretending that we aren't through
there. that is the lie. 
mine, not your's is why
so many nights i cry
as many days i sigh
so badly i want it to cease
for me to be at peace
to be able to release
to just let go
like you did me
but i can't help but be
like "maybe he...
...and then maybe we..."

5 thought(s):

Product Junkie Diva said...

You can't see me but know that you just reiceved a standing ovation. You make me want to pick up my pad and pen again...great job Antithesis.
Product Junkie Diva

antithesis said...

thanks, PJD

Don said...

never learning
never turning defeat into gain
never realizing a lesson in my pain
driving my self further insane

Yep, I know the feeling. And, like you, I also wrote poems that reflected my going through the same emotions. You and I write poetry the same.

antithesis said...

i had more. way more. but i get mad and throw my poems away. i need to stop. i would like to relive the happier times.

@ don-that's hot that i found my literary twin!!!

allienicole said...

i really like this! why are women across the world going through the same emotional pulls you describe? men too i'm sure but i can guarantee you the majority of my female friends could currently relate to this poem...what are we doing wrong?