living in the past

i dont love you. i dont even like you

so why do i ignite you?

i mean evoke you

or these memories of you

and you act as though you never knew

or dont know

we were ever friends or even more

you treat me as if i were a foe

i want to stay while you say "go"

what do you say? do you call me "hoe"

or a past flame that led to woe?

did i make you feel poor

bringing you to make me feel what you felt before?

you continue to ignore

but i implore

i plead and i agitate you

i agrivate you

as if that would make you

that would take you

back to a time 

when you were mine

and i wasn't left for someone else to find

some other man to claim

just for me to blame

him for not having your name

for not thinking your thoughts, speaking in your voice

but i'm here by choice

giving him a chance but not really

not truely

not due-ly

not fully

i'm hurt all over again

trying to find the same man

time and time again

never learning

never turning defeat into gain

never realizing a lesson in my pain

driving my self further insane

so my search is in vain

i keep coming across the same thing

telling myself it's new

knowing inside, it's you

pretending that we aren't through

there. that is the lie. 

mine, not your's is why

so many nights i cry

as many days i sigh

so badly i want it to cease

for me to be at peace

to be able to release

to just let go

like you did me

but i can't help but be

like "maybe he...

...and then maybe we..."