pregnant pause

Tuesday, June 24, 2008
is this the norm? or is there something wrong with ME? i'm beginning to think there is. the problem i have with facebook right now, not that is it within any of the makers' control, is it seems almost daily i come across a photo album of a "friend" my age or younger who is pregnant. it's usually not "oh, she's getting a little belly". no, these young ladies show off their stomachs as if it is the new "it" accessory. the response of the masses? "cute!", "congratulations!" (often mispelled), etc. it's well-approved of and celebrated that these unwed, sometimes uneducated beyond high school, women will introduce another young soul to this corrupt world soon. many times it comes as little surprise, as i see these girls are not doing more than what is common for them growing up in their non-capital hill or un-upper northwest DC neighborhoods; i reside "east of the river" myself. i just felt that they have been done a disservice as they are told they can move beyond their parents' achievements and attend college but are not educated about the hardships of young, single motherhood.

or maybe i'm just old-fashioned or judgemental. i try not to judge others. i give people the benefit of the doubt. but now i'm belieiving this is done on purpose. for whatever reason, these girls want to have babies with these young men. they can't just not be protecting themselves in these days of HIV/AIDS and other STDs that won't go away with just a trip to the free clinic. they can't want to be forever connected to their high school or college sweetheart who they will probably grown to hate in the next couple of years as they mature and actually come into their adult selves. no, this cannot be it.

these young ladies know what they are doing. they are going to get married or at least know they will love this man forever ('cause i'm not a big fan of marriage either). they simply want a child and don't care if the father is not present in their life. they are fully capable of giving the child the best life as they see it. and if they are not using condoms 100% of the time (because who really does that?), they are prepared for the consequences and they know these young males very well including knowing they have a clean health record. they KNOW what they are doing. i REALLY hope so....

so this leads me to question, maybe i'm the one not doing something right. based on this trend i should have already had or be having my first child. based on the cycle of my mother and sister, i still have one more year. so i am either a little behind or right on track. however, at 10 when i became an aunt, i realized how tough and demanding it is to have a child, work, and go to school. eventhough my sister is now married, she just had a second child and even that appears rough to me and she has PLENTY of help. this scares me and i really hope it's only my "friends" doing this.

[crunches, push-ups]

6 thought(s):

Product Junkie Diva said...

Antithesis this issue has goes way beyond your "friends" this is happening everywhere. I don't know if you heard about this story in NYC but in a HS 17 girls got together and made a promise that they would all get pregnant (they thought that would be a cute and bright idea). The principal thought something was strange that so many young ladies popped up pregnant so he questioned them then discovered it was all planned. One of the ladies was apparently impregnated by a homeless man just to fulfill her end of the deal. Now that this is big time news and some may feel embarrassed to some degree, they claim their principal is twisting their words....ummmm yeah right. I am in my twenties also and childless, but I know that is not the norm. Guys actually say "wait you don't have any babies????" all shocked and amazed because women seem to get pregnant younger and younger and forget about the idea of finishing school and being married (that part seems to be optional these days).
PRoduct Junkie Diva

PBW said...

All of my friends are becoming grandparents so fast they can hardly keep up with who their son's got pregnant.

I'm 45, married 21 years to my college sweetheart and we don't have kids. It wasn't a conscious decision, it's just never come up. I can't remember us ever having a conversation about it. Other folks ask us about it (that was dying down, but my s-i-l has recently started up again), but we kinda ignore them.

From the outside looking in, parenthood seems like a really hard job. I know I'm not up for it. I can't imagine how a teenager would be.

My heart aches for these poor babies being raised by immature and unprepared parents.

Ananda said...

ashley, you make a great point. parenting is hard. it is not something you should just do.

Sunshyne said...

Great post. Many guys that I meet always ask me at some point in the convo, if I have children (notice how thats plural..lol). Many young women are having more than one child at a young age. I think its best to have a child when you have a solid foundation built in your life for that child and you can offer them the world. Thats just how I see it.

antithesis said...

@ everyone- thanks for letting me know i am not crazy. i hate for people to think my nieces are my kids and these are perfect strangers who i will never see again most likely. the whole idea of this bothers me.

@pjd- yea i heard about the 17 girls. it was on the news and i was half listening and then my cousin sent me an email the next day giving me more info. truly hurts!

@pbw- not having kids should not be an issue. having kids with a solid foundation isnt an issue either. if it is/was not in your plans to have kids, i dont blame you for it. it's a lot of pressure when you actually care how your kids turn out!

@ ananda- right! it's not like you were asked, "hey you want a soda?"

@sunshyne- thanks for stopping by my blog. glad you found something of interest. since you are explaining that it's almost "normal" for a guy to ask if i have kids, i will try not to get offended... it's still a problem though...

T said...

Hey,

Sorry I'm late on this one, but I haven't had the mental capacity to deal with this topic lately. My best friend just blogged about this as well.

It's crazy and like I said on her blog, people don't really realize what a baby "is." It's not just cute and cuddly. It's full of puke, stink and it drains your wallet. It needs love that a broken person can't give it. It needs guidance that another child can't give it. People don't realize that having children before you're ready will result in them becoming broken adults. (Why do you think there are so many talk shows with dummies on them... I blame the parents).

I digress...

The point is... yes, at 25 I get the how many kids do you have question all the time at the club. BUT I rarely get it in professional settings, so it definitely depends on the company you keep. I like to be around people who don't expect me to have kids.

But at the same time, I can't be judgmental because a bunch of my girls my age and younger have kids. It's a fine line because if the same guys who approach me approached them, they'd be mad that the guy expected them NOT to have children.

It's a crazy world we live in, but I'm trying not to have kids until I'm in the LATE childrearin' years. (40+) Oh yes, I'm trying to get the good times in NOW!

I have so much more to say on this topic, but since I've left you all with a novela, I'll stop here.