how do you get a boyfriend?

Wednesday, January 13, 2010
when does it go from "getting-to-know-you" or "talkin" to this is my boyfriend/girlfriend? the few times in the history of my life where i had a boyfriend i have no idea how we went from whatever we were before to boyfriend/girlfriend status. i know for some people, facebook tells you but i dont do that dumb shit.

i have no idea how the boy from high school got to be my boyfriend. maybe it was too long ago or there was just no point in which it was officially established or that was the case from day one. i dont know. there were guys i talked to between break ups with high school boy through sophomore year of college. In retrospect i cant say they were boyfriends since i would drop them in a blink of an eye getting back with high school boy regardless of what we called ourselves. a lot of assholes gave me the stupid line "it's just a title" or "i dont really like titles" at what point i should have ceased all communication. i found out i was this guy's girlfriend when he introduced me as such to someone.

does it always have to be on the guy to decide such things? i dont know how it was brought up with the "i dont like titles" guys but it was still their choice whether they wanted to in fact choose that title for what we were doing. and without prior discussion, the one guy decided in his head that i was his girlfriend and it was so. like an idiot, i went along with it until i discovered that would be a trend in our relationship: he just made decisions and i'd find out after or while it was happening.

so non-boyfriend asked me would i marry him. not in a proposal way but in a testing-the-waters way. trying to see where my head was. not going to beat a dead horse with my thoughts on marriage or my thoughts on this boy but i dont see that for me. we do have fun together but when i think of him i dont see my husband. i could lie and say it's too early to tell but at the same time, i know i dont want a boyfriend and meeting him hasnt really changed that feeling. i guess im being greedy because i want him to not do what we do with anyone else. for example, i dont want him having some other chick bowling on wii w/ him and his mom.

so when he asked would i marry him, i was like "uh, aint you skippin' a step?" and that's when we got to talking about the girlfriend thing and being "on the path to marriage". his words, not mine so you'll have to ask him what that path looks like. i'd already told him about my anti-relationship views so i didnt feel the need to elaborate so that conversation is kind of up in the air for me. i feel like i should tell him some things so im not leading him on but i gotta figure out what to say and how to say it.

how has someone become your girlfriend/boyfriend? is it something unspoken or does there need to be a discussion involved?

2 thought(s):

lipton|TEE said...

Well when me and my boyfriend of 2 years first started talking it took him like 3 months and then he asked me just out of the blue one day while we were on the phone. But the second time (after we broke up for a while) it was just something unspoken. We both realized that we didn't like us with other people and we kind of just fell back into, us being us. He started calling me his baby again and I accepted it, and it moved on from there.

T said...

The few times it happened for me we had a long elaborate conversation OR someone called me their gf and I started calling myself that too.

I think the fact that you have to call him your non-boyfriend makes him your boyfriend, because if he wasn't why would you even have to say that?

On a side note: you playing wii with the fam? Yeah, y'all are official. (Don't vomit ok, I'm just playing... well... sort of)