spiritual feedback

i have a lot of...um. there are a few facebook evangelists, if you will, on my friends list. every status update is on some "God doesnt like anything about you" stuff. they rarely, if ever have status updates regarding anything but going to church, being faithful in the word, and all that noise. nothing wrong with that. idk why one fellow is pulpitting CONSTANTLY and sometimes condescendingly with a child out of wedlock but that's not my business to judge...

my question to you is: im not sure my question. i guess i wanna know if God has a sense of humor.

i mean i know i tweet some stuff that is probably frowned upon and outright disdained by God. im not making any excuses for my behavior. im curious if it's God's intention for us to be as these people profess. i know the Word is open to interpretation but i dont see many who do not fit this mold. i know we all sinners but these folks act like they're somehow better at not sinning.

it seems like there are only a few kinds of Christians: the condeming kind, the hypocritical kind, the self-righteous kind, the christmas/easter kind, or the "i didnt know you went to church"/ "it's a secret" kind. which one are you?

im probably the self-righteous kind. it's ok for me to be how i am and make excuses for what i do but you cant come to me talking about what i do because i will call you out on where your faulter. and before you go off, clearly i know this is not the right way to be.

it's so inconvenient to want to reap the benefits of heaven but try to have earthly fun. i need to strike some common ground and find a resolution b/c i know the bible says i cant serve two Gods, Him and this world...

gimme some thoughts on this. tread lightly if you dont want your comment deleted.

speaking of...

speaking of 2011 goals, i want to read the bible. the whole thing this time. i constantly think about family guy when peter is going off talking about "where in the bible does it say..." and follows up with a "nobody knows because the bible is entirely too long to read".

ANYyoureaheathenifyoulaughedWAY, i've read the majority of new testament scripture because all those chapters are significantly shorter and more interesting. plus i was a silly person who wanted to know what it would be like to read the bible backwards a la' the movie Memento. stop your judging right this minute. my age had -teen at the end of it when i thought that was a good idea.

ive tried to do one of those "read the bible in a year" situations but i think it was via facebook and the person giving me the chapters for the week fell completely off and i was just like...nice. i dont think we got through january and we started on the 1st. womp. im doing this on my own this time. wish me luck. that whole "someone begot someone else who begot some other" section is the MOST.

2011 Goals List

i say the following every year on this blog: i dont do NY resolutions. without fail, i still set some goals that i do not follow through on/keep up with. someone tell me what i spoke of last year? yea, i dont remember either. here's some sh*t i wanna be better about:

1. practice not being fat- i wanna make health a habit and not a chore.

2. be financially fit, too- sallie mae, that slut-butt bitch, will be knocking on my door sooner than i want asking me to make good on that grad loan she gave me. i'd love to be like "i aint got it" but my grandma and my sis are on those loans. they not gonna be stalkin' my meemaw. no sir. plus i wanna get outta "mommy" and "daddy's" house. it's time.

3. be nicer to my car- me and stewie are road dawgs but damn if shawty dont need a facelift. he needs a front (thanks, nene eye) and rear bumper replaced. the rear is all me. i swear i didnt see that yellow THING. idk what the hell that was or why it was there. at the very least, i could wash him regularly.

4. do it now- im still on this. latest "do it now": tickets to alvin ailey in feb. i went ahead and grabbed tix for me and sis without regard to whether or not she'd pay me back. good news: she plans to write me a check for her ticket!

what do you not want to have another year of/what changes would you like to implement for the rest of your life? AND do tell why you need to wait until midnight 12/31???

nostalgia break: go-go

Rare Essence Work The Walls- i needed to share this. this popped in my head randomly. i dont remember how old i was when i first heard this but i remember LOVING IT! how very inappropriate. *shrug* i had much older sibs. enjoy:

wanna win something?

hosting a small giveaway over on my beauty blog. click on over to enter

good luck!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

my beauty blog gets all the videos these days so here's my christmas video JUST for you readers. unless you read both blogs, in which case then no, it's not just for ya'll. but you know what i mean. anyway...see what i got this year.




alternate link:
http://youtu.be/ji_F24w07H0

More Cupcake Wars

you may recall a post from a few months back on the cupcake spots in DC i've come to be aware of. i'm back with an update!

first up, Sprinkles. before you say "now, bish, you know there aint no such place in DC...", hold your horses because there will be come February 2011! consider this your sneak peek. while in Chicago, i visited their Sprinkles and i must say, i give this place 2 "yums" up!

the cupcakes are $3 and some change (sorry, don't remember the exact cost) and it was totally worth the 5 bus transfers in the pouring rain. i kid, we transferred like 2 buses, it was on the way to another place we were going, and the rain would not have been so bad had it not been sideways and had i carried an umbrella...ella ella eh eh eh. i advise being first in line when Sprinkles opens in our neck of the woods b/c this shop is set to rival G'town cupcakes and Baked and Wired. if you paid attention, you'd know it's properly positioned to do so right between the two. i cant wait....

if you can't wait either, try Red Velvet Cupcakery available in Penn Quarter and Dupont. i recently visited the Dupont location and paid $3.85 for a baked treat. yes, almost $4 for a cupcake smaller than Baked and Wired's or Sprinkles' offerings. i bet you're thinking that i could have saved 85 cents and gone down the street for Hello Cupcake. if so, you'd think wrong. here's why: they both offer a cookies n cream cupcake and i let the two shops battle it out. Red Velvet wins hands (and forks) down. PLUS, i guess the boy at Red Velvet thought i was cute or something because he gave me 4 cupcakes free. this was how i was able to try the cookies and cream because i had ordered the "southern belle" which the website recommends for first-timers.

yes, Red Velvet costs more, significantly so if you ask me and you do ask me because this is MY blog, but they win on customer service. he let me in before they were slated to open saying "it's too cold for you to be outside. come on in" and he gave me freebies. so what if they were made yesterday? i will say the folks at Hello Cupcake are friendly but in general, these would be happy-go-lucky places dont have the cheeriest of folks working there. especially Georgetown Cupcake. you would think they'd show off since they have a show. and you're right about that. it was so empty in there one time when i went when they were filming and guess what? i also had the most pleasant experience in all my visits to them. don't get me wrong, no one has ever been outright rude but it's the little things like "hello" and "have a nice day" that make a difference to me.

how 'bout we...

the 3 yr old (niece) told the 13 yr old (niece) this "how 'bout you not put that over your scarf". context is not important, intonation is. i DIE. anyway, that's not what this post is about.

why dont we stay away from blog topics related to my bipolar emotions? just for the rest of 2010. that's not too long. ya'll can handle that.

meanwhile...i owe yall some information regarding my Chicago visit so i have a post or three (more like 1 definite) coming in the near future. you can check out an itinerary of everything i did over on T's blog. i did everything you see there (minus the crossed out items, clearly). be a dear and let me know which experiences you'd like to hear more about, otherwise all imma talk about is cupcakes for certain.

i cant handle me right now

im in so much like that i really cannot stand myself. ya'll know i'm fickle and i default on pessimism but im just sick right now because i'm liking someone. but just like it takes almost nothing to make me this happy, something simple can easily make me just as upset. but im trying not to think of that. im also not wanting to think of how exponentially happy he just made me. do you want to know what has my dimples creating black holes in my cheeks? i said "no, not yet" and he said "ok". *drops mic*

*picks it back up because when do i really have posts that short?*

no, but seriously. i didnt get no "baby, why not". there was no "what's the problem, we've done it before". no bullshit. just "ok" and "i understand". when i tell you how badly i wanted to drop my panties...but i couldnt. wasnt right. wasnt what i needed. i need him to know that i REALLY like him and this can't be just a sex thing like it's been in the past. *sigh* would have been nice to get it in though.

just change everything about yourself

not being single can be SO easy. i have the secret right here: do everything that's against who you are.

im very much tired of being alone but there is no way im going to compromise who i am and what i want for someone who makes no concessions for me. what the fuck sense does that make? why in the hell would i have to change everything about myself for someone to love me? better yet, why would i want someone who pretends to be someone else so that i'd like them?

if that's the name of the game, count me out.

signed,

perpetually single

so he's not DTF...

i have trouble with male friends. i dont know how to take them. my best friend is a boy but we are highly inappropriate together. we fondle each other and have slumber parties and crap. we've kissed before, too. ive seen his penis and everything. but it's never been a sexual thing with him. we're both nasty and have a lewd sense of humor.

i can only go by what people overtly say to me and this dude (paraphrased) said he just wants to be friends. i take no issue with that. i appreciate him saying so. it's not my preference but when has what ive wanted mattered? i deserve to be wanted back. so that's cool. but what do i do with him?

if i want to get my back blown out, is he someone i could call? i dont know. we've had sex before. we did it a couple of times but maybe he didnt really like it. im not offended and my feelings wouldnt be hurt. i also wouldnt be surprised. i asked a dude to rate me on a scale of 1 to 10 and he said something like a 6. *shrug* i had a decent enough time. but i digress. i just need to know what my options are.

how often do i call this dude? who initiates outings? is he going to pay when we hang out b/c every other experience ive had with him, he has paid. do i talk to him about other guys? do i have to listen about other bitches? idk how to proceed. i think i would know if i was convinced he wasnt interested in that way. waiting to stop being delusional.

i love the idea of him

i really liked him once upon a time and then the bottom fell out. i was reminded of why i was into him. he attended good schools. he's black. he parked his car and came to the door. he's sexy. he's the right height. he's the right build. he's a cowboys fan. he's sexy. he has a sense of humor. his inappropriate meter, like mine, was never calibrated. we have fun together. ive fallen asleep in his arms.

he does things i do not like. he talks about things i dont care about. there's still plenty i dont know about him. but, most importantly, he does not appear to feel about me what i feel about him. so all of that first paragraph thing never matters. we supposedly want different things.

yall almost saw me care about someone. close but no cigar.

Day 05 – Your definition of love

I'm doing another one of these. Today's topic? Defining love. I wrote a poem in HS called "4 letter word". I described what I thought love was at the time. My parents were the only ones who got it. I think some of my friends did, too. Most adults thought the word was "hate" or that I was cussing. I didn't care. You don't force someone to enter a spoken word competition as part of an extracurricular activity. So maybe I was cursing, just a little bit. At the time, whatever it was I wrote was my definition of love. I think I've posted it on here long ago when i first started this blog so if you're interested in knowing what a 16 year old thought love was, try your hand at searching.

8 years later, I dont have a definition of love (not platonic). I have a vision of love. That's right, #MariahCareyFlow. I envision love being a limitless connection to another person. I think that if I one day found love, it with be with someone with whom I had mutual respect. Someone who I could accept wholly, flaws and all and would accept me in the same manner. Someone who not only shared things in common with me but also created a balance for my personality. For example, I'm high strung so I would want my love to be my voice of reason and a little more easy-going. I think love is knowing someone's limitations and coming to their aid rather than ridiculing them. I think people are a unique combination of needs and gifts and that the person they love fits those needs and gifts in such a way that that bond is not easily broken #MorrisChestnut.

ugly girl's dating guide

ive figured it out. i have bad dates and poor experiences with men because i must not be cute enough. here are a few rules i've devised for navigating the dating world.

so you were lucky enough that some dude with low self-esteem wants to take you out:

1. don't wear too much makeup- you do not want to trick this guy into thinking you're cute. that's just mean b/c eventually, you'll get comfortable and he'll see you without the makeup and know the truth.

2. bring money for your meal- sometimes guys ask ugly girls out (who knows why) but they dont always pay. be prepared.

3. try to meet him there/have your own transportation home- you dont wanna be a "practice girl". if he does pay for your meal, remember you're ugly and he'll expect something in return. you dont wanna get stuck over his house having to do ho shit and him still maybe not feeling like bringing you home.

4. show cleavage- it's distracting from your ugly face and might get your meal paid for

5. think carefully about menu options- your ugly ass doesnt need to be slurping spaghetti. order whatever you think pretty girls drink. this is not a time for hennessy and coke.

6. you have plenty of time to get ready- he's never going to show up on-time for your ugly ass. take time getting ready, you know you need it.

any other tips and pointers? :)

do you have one of those?

do you have a "one that got away"? what does that even mean? it seems like you're saying there was a girl/guy who things were great with and then whatever happened and things went bad and you never saw or heard from them again. and THEN you think about them all the time and you wonder what if?

i dont really feel like that makes sense. of course, there are guys i think about about and i smile a little. then i remember the way in which we parted or whatever they did that i hated and then im like "oh yea". that's pretty much the extent of it. but apparently, it is not that way at all for other people.

i had a dude tell me "i dont think like that. i focus on the good. you fixate on the negative". i dont deny that. i dont live a life of sunshine and fucking glitter. i live a life of balance; that means i recognize the good and the bad and when the bad outweighs the good, you gotta GO.

while i dont have someone who got away, i have someone that if i did things a little differently, things probably wouldnt be horrible. i did a needs assessment and something i wanted but didnt get should not have been a deal breaker right away. i think i try to anticipate issues and bail before they occur. im an instant gratification type of person but im trying to train myself to wait. i need to realize that everything cant be on MY time. imma try. we'll see.

it depends on what you're looking for

i did a post on standards and the like and i posed the following to you and myself: what makes your such a great catch?

the simple answer is: it varies. not everyone seeks the same things. it's about compatibility. if you look at what most people want, i probably do not fit the bill. let's investigate further.

1. 90% of the time, i dont want kids- that means i dont have them already. for some dudes this matters, others, not so much. there are dudes who want kids so this is a deal-breaker.

2. i dont want to get married- that sounds good to a non-commital man but there are guys in the world who want to one day get married even if it isnt in the immediate future. for dudes who claim they dont want to get married, they also arent looking for a long-term or exclusive relationship, which are things that i seek.

3. i have two degrees- ive read on a couple of blogs that dudes dont give a hell about that and that's fine. i just think it helps to know that in an ideal economy, im making my own money. some dudes want a woman completely dependent on them and those dudes are usually abusers so they can keep that.

4. i clean up pretty nice- i never said i was the most attractive thing to look at but a dude can rest assured that i wont show up to meet his mama looking crazy. i tend to dress appropriately for my size and i do a decent job with my makeup. i can be sexy without being whorish. this could potentially matter because i'm forever seeing dudes paired with women who dont look like anything.

5. i dont care if sunday is football-only- i like football. i dont despise it and suffer through it b/c you like it. i dont pretend not to like it but watch it religiously even without a dude for reasons unknown...football is ok with me. some dudes actually do not like football (if i meet another one of those i will have a bad time). also, there are dudes who do not care if i like football or not it's something THEY enjoy and has little to do with others. it's neither a deal-maker nor -breaker.

i honestly do not know what guys seek. i kind of only listed the qualities i care about. i want a guy with education, who is attractive/dresses nicely, likes football, doesnt NEED to have kids, and is willing to commit. i want what im bringing to the table. anything else is bonus.

i GUESS i can be flexible on the football thing, maybe. ugh, that's tough. there is something less masculine to me about a man who does not care at all about football. i dont know. im weird.

we dont want any

here is my top ten list of people/things i wish to submit my official letter of #wedontwantany to:

10. blockbuster- we didnt like you before bankrupcy and netflix has us covered for our temporary dvd needs

9. network tv airing infomercials or uninteresting games on Sunday- why would we wanna see ravens v. bucs rather than bears v. eagles???? and then the audacity to talk about the interesting game like you are going to air it only to show this fuckery?

8. kanye west's penis picture- just why did that need to be shared?

7. AMAs- we all know i dont watch award shows and on the one occassion i do, that's what i got? pitchy ballads and pre-pubescent canadians? no, thank you.

6. thanksgiving leftovers- we dont care once the good sides and desserts have been eaten. no one wants to see that dry ass turkey anymore. it's time to cook new food.

5. nicki minaj- i already told ya'll the bitch couldnt get it but we just don't want an album of her all by her lonesome. we also dont need her special edition lip product which is just a copy cat of other pale pink lipsticks from MAC's permanent line.

4. spelling/grammar errors- we NEVER wanna see you write "anchorage" when you are trying to express "encourage".

3. negative nancy- we don't mean our usual anti-ass sentiments on this blog. we mean negative ass people who like to go around sharing an opinion no one asked for. if we make a fb status, it's not always for your approval/disapproval though we recognize it's public forum. our thing is simply, why are you finding something negative to say even if the status is a mere "it's sunday"? stfu, #wedontwantany

2. chronic RT'ers- no one wants to see snippets of your dry ass conversation between you and some other boring person with no context. that's what bbm is for. why are you retweeting that? also, we followed you because we thought you were capable of original thought but we were swindled into seeing 19,000 of your 20,000 tweets being RT's of others and quotes and crap.

1. mass holiday texts- that generic shit woulda passed if it didnt include the phrase "each and every one of you" and the fact that you showed up as a number instead of a name. that phony, 2 or 3 times a year shit? #wedontwantany

um...

i just dont see it for dudes with all these standards and requisites but they have no accountability themselves. and you are like "wtf are you talking about?" imma tell ya. you KNOW imma tell you.

on twitter, a beloved spelman sister asked when does marriage cross a young man's mind when he thinks of a woman he is involved with. most of the responses mirrored each other but one dude wrote: "what I find is that it is a lot easier to lise the wifey type title then is to regain it, but it is a thought for me..."

what he wanted to write was "lose" and "than". spelling and grammar errors make me want to write you off immediately. and of course, i'm guilty myself. i've seen some of my blog posts and been like "girl, what?" but shut up and let me finish my hypocritical post...

i can let that slide but what i cant with. what i REALLY cant with is dudes who say things like women who dont/cant cook are useless. there is nothing wrong with the statement in itself. it's an opinion. i dont wholly agree with it b/c i fall in that category but whatever. my thing is, i dont aspire to be that kind of woman for you when you cant be that kind of man for me. i will make food out of necessity but no, i cant burn in the kitchen. i dont and wont care until there is a dude who comes at me properly.

it might be a catch 22. you may say i cant attract that type of dude because i dont cook. i know great women who cook who are single and face the same bullshit as everyone else. the dudes cheating on significant others and constantly tweeting about tits and ass and coming on faces can spare me the cooking complaints. exactly what are YOU doing that makes you a great catch to have all the requirements you do? im sorry, im not filling your belly when you cant take me on a decent date or you are so disrespectful as to come and pick me up and call me and tell me you're outside. bitch, my car is outside, too. if im not being greeted at my door and walked to your car, then i could have just met you wherever the fuck we're going. that's so dumb to me. it's disrespectful to me AND since you know i live with my parents, it's kinda rude to them. and dont fake like it's a novel idea when i tell you that's not acceptible. the next dude to do that shit and to actually have some bitter ass retort is getting hung up on and im going to bed. #grindsmygears

i have to ask myself that same question: what's so great about me? not one person is exempt from this. my answer may be in an upcoming post.

this is getting to be ri-damn-diculous

my vibrator quit me. that is all.

you know what phrase i hate?

"im just checking on you"

wtf does that even mean? checking for what? did you hear that something bad happened to me? IDK how you could have because we havent talked in weeks/months/years. are you predicting something bad will occur? did you have a weird dream that reminded you that i exist?

what kills me is the dudes i used to fuck with who were asked to exit my life. they call a few months down the line or text and say "hey, blah blah blah" and i might ask "who it is" or ask "what's up" or what do they want. "oh i was just checking on you". um....

if you had not done what you did (or not done) and been asked to quit me, you wouldnt have to check. you would just know. furthermore, if you disappeared without a trace or explanation, the same holds true for you.

what are you assessing for? what is this "check" about? stop saying that. what the hell is it that you want? because all im going to tell you is that im fine or im ok or that im great. all that means to me is you're seeing if im dead or not. is that what you wanna know? and why? it's not like you subsequently ask to see me or apologize for being a collosal failure. you are and always have been useless so go away and stay away. i thank you.

why nicki minaj CANNOT get it

1. she has the same problem chris brown has: she cant be tolerated on her own. based on twitter reviews, she's ok as a guest on someone else's track but cant stand on her own

2. she's annoying: from the wig dipped in gumby's blood at last night's AMAs to her faux accents, i can't with her

3. im not into the faux fatty. yea, she got a big ass but she and angel lola love are some phonies.

i dont feel like devoting any more thought to this topic. i just want her to do something silent like model b/c i always LOVE her make up. that is all.

i dont normally do this

im not one for new years resolutions but im thinking that 2011 will be the year i finish reading the bible. i read the new testament b/c those chapters are significantly shorter. of course, im gonna read them all again. when i think of reading the bible, it's like im going to watch all the lord of the rings movies (extended version) except longer and you know, in book form. doesnt appeal to me. i still cant believe i watched lord of the rings. smh.

idk. what are you thinking about?

let me explain some things to you

I just got my score and I passed the National Counselors Exam (NCE).

you're sitting there like "ok, what does that mean?"

let me tell you:

in short, it means that once i submit my official transcript and an endorsement form, i can put NCC (National Certified Counselor) behind my name. this makes me more attractive to potential employers and is one of the qualifiers for getting licensed. basically, it says that i took a test that proves i didnt spend my entire graduate career bullshitting and i know what im talking about for the most part.

the next steps are:

• accruing 3,500 supervised, paid work experience
• applying for licensure once those hours are obtained
• being approved and FINALLY using my degree on my own, if i want to
• probably no longer doing this blog/doing this blog A LOT differently (this may occur some time before i actually get my license)

pop-ups: internet vs. real life

reader poll: do you think i say the stuff in real life that i type on twitter, fb, and this blog?

the simple answer is: absolutely.

i'm sure i've discussed the pop-ups before. a dude exits my life for some reason and tries to reappear at some later juncture. i've had a recent influx of this and if you're a twitter follower, you've seen my uneditted reactions. let's see if i can provide you with my twitter rant and it's corresponding real-life responses.

poor, unfortunate soul 1:

tweets-

Oh...I hate pop ups. And y the fuck couldn't u appear, idk, around homecoming so u could drive me down? Useless!

are u stupid? ARE YOU STUPID?! it take your idiotic ass til easters to realize how awesome i am. bitch, BYE.

somebody better get their morehouse brother...

my real life response-

he asked would to ever see me again to which i responded "probably not"

so that was not a good match up of sentiment and verbalizations. let's look at the next case.

poor, unfortunate soul 2:

tweets-

here u come with the "im sorry" #forcoloredgirls was talkin bout. i dont care about that.

how u come 2 yrs later with ur sorry giving urself too much credit assuming u "hurt" me? u dont make any sense. NONE.

oh! ur michael scott. giving relationships more intensity than they ever had.

my real life responses-

i could ask u the same question but it never matters. i was never hurt over it.

im just trying to understand where all these strong feelings came from when we were only talking for a few weeks.

oddly, it was something u were willing to let go off. and unfortunately for you, it's something u will continue to miss.

let's look at the 3rd and final case presented today.

poor unfortunate soul 3:

twitter-

what. the. hell? go back to 2 months ago from whence u came! skinny mofos getting cold and wanna holla back at the big girl. bitch, bye.

and who confronts someone via fb for unfriending them? i dont confront u for being skinny. let me live.

oh, uve been busy? STAY BUSY, heaux! and stay mad when i tell u that shit, bitch. these pussy ass niggas...

my real life responses-

nope. no one is 2 months of busy so it's whatever. i dont care. if u dont care, i cant begin to care.

*shrug* i rarely know why anyone does anything. but whatever u say isnt all i can go by. i have to go by what u do. no action= no interest, in my book. plus u said u werent looking for anything so i left u alone. those who want nothing will get just that.

could have sworn i did. if ur too busy, stay busy.

WHAT A WEEK...

bottom line is this: you cant shit on me and then, as my girl would say, have a come to jesus moment and wanna pick up where things left off. where are you from that that behavior is acceptable?

ASK ME ANYTHING

this is a little different from my reader request series. those were about my opinions on random topics. this time, i'm inviting you to ask whatever you want about me. if you follow me on twitter, i bet you know more than you wanted to know. if, you're T and we're fb friend and bbm buddies, you really have an antithesis overload. for people who aren't T, what do you want to know? you may ask me as many questions as you want. i'm not saying i will answer any and every question so i suggest asking multiple questions.

stop me if you heard this one...

i went back to the place i raved about, Founding Farmers. my same friend i went with the first time randomly wanted to go back on her half day at work. this time, i got the shrimp and grits! the dish pales in comparison to the roast beef i had on my first visit. i was given a generous portion but it was not filling. i wasnt starved but it probably wasnt the best choice not to eat anything all day in preparation for my visit. i finished my meal with their wonderful carrot cake, which i apologize for not having a pic of. i was surprised to conclude that i preferred the carrot cake to their red velvet cake and you know how much i loved that red velvet.

Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better

remember how i said i was going to randomly insert responses to T's month of daily posts. here's another.

not necessarily something that makes me feel better but something that makes me smile: sometimes when a guy im seeing kisses me even when i freshly applied gloss, i look at him and say "you look pretty". they immediately look at my lips and wipe their own. sometimes they say "aww, man" or suck their teeth but what makes me smile is the look of contempt they give. like they are so offended that i had something on even if they saw me put it on just a second ago.

i'm easily amused.

better...or worse?

i havent been to the eye doctor in a while but that isnt what this post is about. it's about my niece. she's 13.

if that isnt the most inconvenient age. this fully developed 8th grader is just the most. i keep forgetting she's a kid b/c she looks older than me (she's taller than me as the MAC makeup artist just had to point out). so when i make plans to do things with her i have to remember to check to see if it's age appropriate. unfortunately, a lot of her movie picks are not. idk what she's allowed to do over her dad's house and such but we have rules on this side of the family. so for a second weekend in a row, her mom and i are going to the movies without her after at one point saying she could come. then we thought about it and we were like "um, can she even see that". that answer is a simple "no".

i want to include her on things but my sister and i dont do too much to begin with. the gun range is highly inappropriate despite the fact that some white boy and his peepaw were there the last time we went. going out to eat gets expensive if we take her #shegreedy and plus my sis sometimes just wants to be sans kiddies. i know my sister hates to shop so she always asks me to take her shopping. i hate her taste so i can go on and on about that. but i also grow tired of the mall myself.

will things be easier when she's like 16? she'll be allowed to see more different kinds of movies. but at the same time, that attitude...LAWD. she's already getting out there with that mouth. whenever im over there, im like "woah, dont get punched in the face". idk. wanna see 11 year old me and my mini me? sure you do. we were bff's from JUMP:

this was my bday tea and if you looked at the rest of the pics from that day, you'd see other folks holding her but she's smiling at me the whole time. :)

show it or dont

im so over emotionally unavailable males. you want to be with me? you're interested? let the shit be known. gone are the days where i sit and think "well, maybe he...". nope. i dont care what he might be thinking or what his intentions might be. if i dont know, im just not going to know. i might ask if im interested but if there's nothing there to be interested in, i dont care. there is no more "try" with me. either you do or you dont. making excuses for dudes perpetuate their lazy ass mentality that women should do x, y, and z while they should not be held to any standards remotely as stringent. to. hell. with. that. that's some 2010 shit and we're rocketting into 2011. #weoffthat

as always, i'm open to your thoughts and opinions.

timeline check-in

at the beginning of last month, i posted a timeline. one you probably did not read because it didnt have anything to do with you. i will have you know that:

• i've applied for graduation and had that subsequent $100 tacked onto my tuition bill.
• i took the NCE and i havent the slightest idea how i did b/c that exam was a puzzle wrapped in an enigma housed in a glass case of emotion.
• i checked on a contact RE: a job. she aint got one for me.
• informational interviews were a bust. people dont give a shit that i wanna know about them and what they do. theyre busy.
• i got a job. it starts in january. not what i deeply and truly want but it's what i got.
• with that said, im still looking/crossing my fingers to get to do my true interest.

i could have kept my seat

all im saying is, im no further than where i was BEFORE i decided to grab life by the horns and be the persuer of stranger at the bar. he never called. texted though. texts were wack. they werent sexy. they werent even flirty. just...dry. that's what i get for trying to make fetch happen #meangirls. and that's all i have to say about that #forestgump.

maybe "shy" isnt the word

i was going to wait to say something until shit was wrapped up with a bow on it or it was ugly in the bottom of the trashcan like those yellow wrappers around sanitary napkins. but some stuff just doesnt have an ending or resolution. sometimes you're just left wondering what might have been. and plus this goes with this "do it now" thing im on so yea.

went to the bar with some friends last night after class. girl told me some dude tripped on nothing supposedly looking at me and it was funny. now im sitting here mad that i didnt see and wondering if it was my dude. shrug.

i go to get my last drink and boy who had, like my friend, won a free happy hour walked up and was like "can i go in front of u?" i must have been in a good mood b/c i was gonna let him. mainly b/c free happy hr people already have cups so it would take no time to get whatever he wanted. but he was joking. he was interested in what i was ordering and i told him. he said he'd get it. that was my in.

i returned to my table like "should i, or shouldnt i?" he was attractive and he seemed nice enough. but im "shy" or maybe it's a confidence issue. but i had my "in". i would just casually walk by later and see if he liked what he copy catted off of me.

he was in mixed company and i couldnt tell what everyone's relationship to one another was. like some sort of predator, i waited til the woman he was seated beside left or went to the bathroom or wherever she went. i walked myself over there and asked him how he liked the drink and he probably feigned interest but we exchanged information.

if nothing else comes of this, at least i did it instead of wondering what COULD have happened if i didnt. plus i wouldnt have gotten the chance to pick up on his accent and learn that he was an ATLien (oh, i miss JAWJA).

i dont often like the dudes who approach me but i also do not like being the pursuer. what preference do you have? does it even matter? something about the personality of guys who approach me is just obnoxious. im also frustrated with dudes who never say anything and im convinced that old boy would have never said a word if i hadnt. does that mean he simply wasnt that interested despite the fact that someone said he'd been looking in our direction? maybe i wasnt the one he was looking at...

photographic evidence of doing it now

i did it now! roaming around dupont, i wanted to try a burger joint i'd heard about called Rogue States. unfortunately, it was closed 'til further notice. wonder what that was about. i'll assume it was regarding a liquor license and not something major like health codes. GROSS. anywho, i spotted another burger place just a few blocks up: BGR The Burger Joint. i walked on, because i wasnt quite hungry yet and i wanted to visit a few more stores.

i promised myself i'd go back because i was on my "do it now" stuff. i'm so glad i did. not because the food was good, because it really wasnt all that, but because i now know i dont need to go because i've been!

i got the lunch box or whatever the lunch special is called, which includes a burger, regular fries, and a drink for $8.99. i wanted sweet potato fries so that was an extra $1 plus tax. at that point i was only saving about a dollar because at first, i'd ordered a la carte and i was just about to pay when the girl asked if i wanted the special.

the burger was huge with a shiny bun which only signified one thing to me: oil. either butter or olive oil had to be responsible for that oily appearance. that was nothing compared to what oozed out of the burger when i too my first bite. i was going to take a pic of all the oil that came out but i decided that would be too offensive. i got a generous serving of sweet potato fries but those double fried strips weren't anything to write home about.

have you been there? did i just go on a bad day?

http://www.bgrtheburgerjoint.com/

My Xmas Present to Myself

in honor of my post entitled "do it now", i've just made arrangements for some holiday travel. well, not really holiday but it is in December. southwest is having a damn RIDICULOUS sale right now and i got a flight to the chi for $60 each way. isnt that insane?!!

my sister has already been to chicago plenty of times so she's not interested. my friend has been a couple of times as well. ive never been and one of my favorite people lives there so it's time for a visit.

this is my graduation present to myself, as well. i wanted to go somewhere with white sands and clear waters but im not on that kind of budget. i'll make due with freezing temps and harsh winds in a new city i wish to explore.

share your "do it now" adventures. that's the theme for 2011 so comment on this or any future post with what you did!

do it now!

is this you? "i really want to try [insert thing you've never done here] but i have no one to go with". how about this? "that would be a nice place to go on a date".

for a while i was saying this and passing up opportunities for fun and entertainment in hopes that i'd have someone to accompany me. recently, ive been doing things with my sister but that's not enough. she's not always available, nor is she always interested.

so ive made the decision to do things now. there's nothing wrong with trying that new eatery alone so go and do it. and if you like it, then you can suggest it to your friends when you're out and they're being indecisive about what to grab. because i've run into that problem, too. i can never contribute to a discussion of what to do because i havent done anything. but SOMEHOW others have tried places. why? because they went by themselves or with other people.

there's not too many things i wont do by myself. and yes, some experiences are better with others. but, if you're like me, you're not a big fan of other people to begin with. it's sometimes nice to not have to wait on someone else to get ready and deal with inconsiderate behavior.

what's something you've been dying to do but couldn't because no one was interested or available? or am i the only one who is socially inept and doesnt have any friends?

i look like ME!

1. i do not look like another ethinicity

him: what's your nationality?

me: american

him: *rolls eyes* i mean, your ethinicity

me: african-american

him: *sigh* where are your parents from?

me: DC

him *heavy sigh*

me: IM REGULAR BLACK!

2. i dont look like a celebrity

i had an ex tell me i looked like rudy huxtable, especially in my kid pictures. and i would have to disagree that i look anything like my spelman sister, keisha knight pulliam.

said ex's sister added me (for the 100th time b/c she keeps changing her accounts) on facebook and in her message wrote that i have always looked like janet jackson to her. i WISH i could be so lucky. i wouldnt mind looking like her with one of her older noses.

3. i do not look like my brother

will is lightskinned, well, he's browned out a LITTLE since we got older. i'm dark skinned. he has thicker eyebrows and more almond-shaped eyes than i do. his lips are thicker than mine. and if you havent noticed, IM A GIRL. all through high school, i was "lil will". how awkward is that when "lil" and a boy's name usually meant the boy was someone the girl was dating? even when introduced to parents of my brother's friends. "oh yes, you look just like william". thanks. i look like a 200+ pound man.

4. i do not look like my sister (anymore)

i will admit that for a brief time in my childhood, i looked just like my sister. i saw a picture of my sister and my dad and even i said "i dont remember this" and my dad was like "you shouldn't; you werent born". that time has passed, yet my sister and i can still trick people into thinking we're twins. we get people excitedly asking "who's older?" and we look at each other and tell them tiffany is older. and then they say "by how much?" and we look again and say "about 11 years". i told her we need to say 11 minutes if we wanna stop getting side eyes.

death wish

im taking grief and bereavement this semester. all my classes overlap so it's been reiterated how important it is to share your wishes with loved ones. i didn't know i had an opinion beyond not having a casket and having my organs donated but i do. i dont believe my family can handle this conversation so here's what i want.

• donate my organs- im not using them
• put me right in the ground- caskets are EXPENSIVE. $3000? donate that to an AIDS foundation or start a scholarship at Spelman College. find a state that doesn't have that law about the deceased being in a casket OR tell them that I was Muslim or something and circumvent that law. no matter what you put me in, my body will decompose to to something that gets in or whatever it is that already lives inside of me. im good without a casket.
• i dont care much about what you dress me in. do what makes you feel better but i will say i love sweats and if it's summer and im dead, put me in some of those pajama shorts.
• i want my face BEAT- give me a smokey eye and an ignorant bold lip. i know it's incongruent with what i wish to wear but when has congruence ever been my forte????

if i had a kid....

how many yom kippers has it been since i did one of these? (yom kipper is more important than hannukah but americans make it seem different since hannukah happens near christmas. it's true because someone jewish told me).

gather 'round boys and girls for a story. this story stars 3rd grade antithesis.

i had a computer teacher who would profess that he was "M.E.A.N". on the first day of class he said he was "Mean Evil AND Nasty". we all knew it because the class would sing it along with him when he said it. he said it often and would pride himself on it.

8 year old me thought, oh you mean, huh? imma stay out your way. this was the wrong attitude because grades came for the quarter and this old man gave me a D. all As and a D showed up on my report card and my parents' response was "what gives?". my mom was like "you spend all that time on the computer and you bring a D home in COMPUTERS?" my parents always gave us the benefit of the doubt and my explanation that i did all that was asked of me was accepted so Regina went up to the school.

do you know what this teacher did? he confirmed i had passed all assignments with satisfaction however, he thought i did not like him. A COMPLETELY GREY-HAIRED MAN gave me a D because i supposedly did not like him. my mom was like "that never has anything to with how a grade is factored. i was given a chance to state my case and all i said was something about not feeling as he thought i did. the grade was not changed but i got Bs for the other 3 quarters.

fast forward to whatever boy or girl i spew out. let that be my kid. i would teach baby girl or little man to say how he really feels. what did i really feel? i remember thinking i never care about you to love or hate you. the fact that you're so "M.E.A.N", i would have never guessed that a senior citizen such as yourself cares what an eight year old thinks of him.

my kid would have to know that adults are not more than children whose cells divided to make them bigger. idiotic children USUALLY become ignorant ass adults. i was raised not to treat adults as peers but when an adult shows that they are not deserving of that respect, i want my kids to feel comfortable telling them just how they feel. there's nothing to lose. this was just the first incident of an inappropriately given D that was never changed. really wishing i'd gone the hell off on each one of those foolish people. so, you see how i lost faith in humans at an early age, right?

even at 24, i constantly feel as though i reserve comments for people more than i should. i have to work on tactful (read: sans profanity) ways to say how i really feel because no one gives a damn how they talk to/treat me.

why i dont buy guys gifts

simply put, i get carried away when it's gift-giving time. it's hardly ever reciprocated so i'm kinda over gift-giving in general. some shitty stuff has happened to me and despite this, i still get excited when it's christmas or a birthday. let's revisit some things i've bought for guys who never deserved it. my career in gift-giving, much like my dating, was short-lived.

1. monogrammed beer mug from Things Remembered

who was it for? the college boyfriend who i chose over hs boyfriend who wound up ruining my life (as i saw it at the time). email me if you'd like to know how and i may share.

why wasn't it worth it? he was a REDSKINS FAN. it was a redskins bear mug monogramed for his wack ass. i can't believe i spent my unemployed, cant recall how i even had it money on that weedhead degenerate. we broke up in the most embarassing of ways shortly after. did you really have to call me to walk over to morehouse suites just to break up with me? tell me that shit on the phone and save me the walk in the cold. luckily, i was prepared and brought my girl with me. that was a good move. not so good move was going downstairs and sobbing in front of friends we mutually had.

2. new balances and laptop bag

who was it for? my computer nerd college boyfriend

why wasn't it worth it? these were expensive purchases for a college student. the bag was a specialty bag and new balances are never all that cheap. he was never really into me. he got rejected by some chick he'd liked for a while following a break-up with some other chick. we we friends and he kissed me out of convenience. i wasn't into him at first either, but he grew on me. unfortunately, i did not have a similar effect on him. As soon as he finalized his acceptance to the second half of his dual-degree program which would take him to michigan while i had one more year at spelman, i was out on my ass.

3. a specialty journal with inspirational quotes that i knew he would enjoy.

who was it for? "krappa". he never gave two shits about me so he was never a boyfriend or even a friend but i liked him so much, like an idiot. he liked the gift, though. who doesn't love undeserved riches?

why wasn't it worth it? i thought way too much of someone who thought less than nothing of me. it was as if he made a sport of being a terrible friend and made no apologies for it. yet i still continuted to entertain his intermitant pop-ups and included him in my Christmas shopping list.

my hs boyfriend was on to something when he refused to let me spend a dime on him. if we did anything, he paid. he never got me gifts and crap. i really should have been ok with that. doesnt mean @booskee9 should stop sending me stuff on my bday and vday....

finally definitely maybe

Until this very second I have had no idea what I wanted to do. When asked what degree I'm working toward, I have a solid answer and I just hope the inquiry stops there. It rarely does. "So what are you going to do with that? Are you going to work in schools?" No, I know for a fact that I do not want to be a school counselor. That was the extent of my knowledge.

I was never sure what population I wanted to work with. Not much appealed to me. Severely mentally ill people are a challenge I do not feel up for in my mere 24 years of life. Substance abuse and criminal justice are not my forte either. All I knew, up until now, was that I MIGHT have a preference for adolescents. But that didn't mean I would not enjoy young children or adults, because I would.

An epiphany happened. Randomly, I know I want to work with LGBTQ consumers of mental health services. Let me specify something right now. So we're clear: although sexual minorities were once viewed as having mental illness by my profession, that is no longer the stance. Again, I do not wish to "cure" people of homosexuality. There is no such process.

What I have noticed in my grad school career is that this population is one of the most marginalized in just about every arena with the exception of fashion. That means that people face oppression and are ostracised at home, school, and work no matter where they are. I'm sure these clients will always have something to talk about.

I'm bored easily but I'm sure this population will provide me with a lot to work with. I'll see folks for anxiety, depression, family issues, career, relationship issues...all kinds of stuff will come up. And, I'll get to work with a range of ages. Even children because there are those kids who are gender varient (girls who want to be boys and vice versa). Yup, that's a thing.

So if you love me, cross your fingers and pray that this is the niche I've been looking for and hope that I'll find work with this population.

this happens far too often

dont let me think i'm the only one who experiences this.

my bus stop is at the top of the hill of the street i live on. the cross street is a major artery that flows from DC through MD. i stand and wait for my bus and endure honks and undeciferable hollers out of windows...year 'round. i can be wearing a north face and hat and hood. i could be wearing a trench holding an umbrella in pouring rain with limited visibility. i could be dressed in my best "i could give a hell what you think of me" uniform of "i got dress in 5 minutes in the dark" attire. it matters not. without fail, there is someone who tactlessly needs to communicate their interest. inevitably, someone void of standards is a passerby.

what gets me is the ones who will come to a stop. this happens less frequently as they restructured and made it one lane each way. if they chose to do this less than considerate act, any conversation would be drowned out by the honking of horns.

what REALLY gets me is the ones who will go around the block and come up on my street, stop to the right of me, and yell to me asking for my number. and just what do you have time to take this detour on the off chance that i also have no standards and no regard for my personal safety and would approach your car and get in? exactly why do a large percent of these hooligans think i would accept their offer of a ride to where i'm going? im standing at the damn bus stop. for $1.50, i can get a ride from metro and decrease my chances 100% of being chopped up in someone's wet basement. and yes, that is exactly how i think my body will end up. i cant say much for the cause of death but i know i'll be chopped into pieces for added insult.

have i already written on this? probably. but it is SO annoying that i needed to say something again.

i pity the fool...

*say the title of this post in your best ceelo green singing voice*

i pity the fool...

...who is waka flack flame.

...who believes the aforementioned "dumbs himself down" on purpose.

...who tweets anything non-football-related on sunday.

...who has run out of chances with me.

...who wishes to immulate rihanna's red hair

...who wears glamour lashes and no other makeup

...who thinks that just because I've refrained from going off on your ass in the past that I won't ever do it.

...who calls me while my cowboys are playing.

...who tries to get my number while I'm standing at my bus stop. like did you just drive around the block for me to turn you down? yes. yes you did.

...who is a professional kicker and misses field goals! #reallygrindsmygears

this list could go for days. what you got?

so...

why was october 11 national coming out day? is it because two ones are two phalluses? then by that reasoning, the 11th of every month should be coming out day. only i would make numbers into something gay...i'm going to bed.

but wait. how come thinking about it led me to think of r. kelly's "trapped in the closet"?

"He walks up to the closet/He goes up to the closet/Now he’s at the closet/Damn he’s opening the closet…"

that series was an ORDEAL. ok goodnight.

03- your parents

both of my parents are from dc, though my mom spent a lot of her time in maryland. my dad works, my mom doesn't (she retired when i was born). both my parents went back to school and my dad has a masters and my mom has a bachelors. my dad has a cruel sense of humor. my mom has a corny one. my mom like flowers and gardening and oprah and steve harvey and any other thing i can be against. my dad like football and cars and shopping. yes, shopping. until recently, i've trusted my dad to buy clothing for me more than my mother. my dad has 5 sisters; he should know what he's doing. my mom has all brothers, she hasn't the slightest clue. my mom will fight anyone! 6 women or 6 men. she doesnt care. my dad will fight anyone, too but he usually at least tries to calm my mom down before he has to hurt someone.

can you guys figure out what i get from whom?

11- your siblings

bigger brother- he's 6'4". me: you left kevin out. my brother: kevin leaves himself out. that's him. kevin barely comes around and in recent years, you could say he never comes around. he almost didnt come to my brother's wedding but I took care of that with a curse out on facebook. kevin used to call on my birthday and holidays when I was younger but that depended on whether he was a jehovah's witness that year or not. he's 15 years older than me and he went to live with his mom before I was born.

sister- she's my bff. i spend weekends over her house a lot. she's the mom of my two nieces. we're 10 years apart so we didn't start hangin' tough until 2005.

big brother- he's the one i really grew up with since my bigger brother was gone by the time i came along and by the time i was 6, my sister was off to college. now, i only occassionally see my brother. he STAYS busy. he does a lot.

big brother and sister are like having a second set of parents. you should have seen big brother's reaction to my latest tattoo despite having 7+ of his own and one being in a similar location. his response: "BUT I'M A MAN!"

01-introduce yourself

i'm so certain you know more than you want to know about me. how about YOU introduce YOURSELF. i can count on one hand the followers of this blog who i know something about other than their s/n and the name of their blog.

if for some reason you are new and you just stumbled upon this blog, i'm antithesis/ashley. i'm a grad student. i live in dc. im a chronic over-sharer. and i have an opinion on anything i haven't purposely decided to ignore (antoine dodson, anyone?). that's all there is to me. who are you?

*maxwell voice* i wanna get to know ya!

Birthday Dinner: Ruth's Chris Edition

After my relaxing half-day at Elizabeth Arden Red Door Spa, my sister treated me to dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. I would have taken a pic of our meal but we were at a restaurant with table clothes and the menus weren't laminated so I thought that would be in poor taste. Even after the woman seated beside us was filing her nails at the table, I still decided against it.

YUM YUM YUM! I enjoyed the [Dallas] Cowboy Ribeye with a lobster tail and garlic mashed potatoes. EVERYTHING was delicious...and doused in butter but whatever. The meat was tender and WELL seasoned. The lobster was great and the mashed potatoes could have had a pinch more garlic but they were tasty, too. For my drink, the waiter suggested their new feature: the black cherry martini. It wasn't on the menu so I went for it. Reminded me of the kool-aid in the little bottle with the twist-off top with alcohol in it. We decided to skip on dessert as their offerings were nothing special.

I am grateful to my big sis for treating me because this was nothing I could afford on my own. I took half of my steak back to my sister's house (hence, the picture). I warmed it up Sunday after church. It was a bit tough but still tasted great.

copy cat

so im planning to do some posts like T is doing where there's a set theme for each day. i'm not going to do every one of them but expect to see some soon. here's the list for your reference and i'll consider requests from it.

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment

Tattoo #4

Check out my early birthday present to myself. I got this Saturday, September 25. You can read more about it by visiting my other blog.

it's my birthday! i had a bad day yesterday but that's yesterday. today is MY day and nothing will ruin it. bet that! *smooches*

timeline

this is more for me than it is for you :)

just trying to keep myself on-track amidst taking classes.

apply for graduation- oct. 1

take NCE- oct. 16

touch base with job lead- mid-october

set-up informational interviews- oct/nov

temp work oct-dec/infinity

apply for LGPC- nov

hardcore job hunting- mid-november

my bday is saturday

on 10/02, i turn 24! still doesn't sound right. i haven't even gotten used to telling people i'm 23. i also haven't gotten used to being asked how old i am. RUDE! you ask teenagers and people who hold up fingers and say "this many". don't ask someone how old they are, especially if you're in a semi-professional setting like um...a counselor training clinic at your local university and your counselor-in-training has just gone over the limits of confidentiality and asks if you have any questions. very specific but it's rude and makes me question your intelligence because it was written and verbally communicated to you that master's level students work in the clinic so what were you expecting? your grandmother? ANYWAY...i'm over that but i was just recently thinking about that and how awkward that was but um that's not what this post is about. it's about gifts!

here's what you could (but won't) get me for my 24th:

1. an hermes coloring book- im not playing on twitter when i say i want this $120 coloring book. shut up judging me.

2. digital camera- my 6 year old camera is done. it was too fat to be carried without being embarassed about how old it was in the first place.

3. car wash and detail- stewie looks like he took a trip through the mountains all because i park right underneath a tree pretty much every day of his life.

4. spa package- could really use a mani/pedi/massagei'll be treating myself to this!

5. cash

6. a new laptop or at least new memory for my current one- i blame @booskee9 for all the music he sends me

7. a credit card payment/student loan payment

8. kevin hart dvds

9. a new wallet- old one falling apart at the seems, literally

10. pair of black skinny jeans- my mom put the ones i have in the washer machine

11. spelman hoodie and alumna tee- my current collection is becoming FADED and im feeling my alumna status so yea...

A Day in My Life: Saturday, September 11

My day started when I left my cell at home and got all the way to where I wanted to go before I realized it. I count that as good thing #1. Without my cell, I'm not constantly aware of who's NOT contacting me. Nor am I constantly checking for responses to questions or comparing myself to others' tweets and FB status updates. I felt insecure not having my phone because I've always viewed it as a safety issue but I was still glad to be without it.

I got up to attend a 12-Step meeting and was surprised to get something I hadn't expected to get. No, I am not recovering from anything. I went as part of an assignment for my Substance Abuse class (remember, i'm in grad school for counseling?). I'd been to a regular AA meeting before for another class but this heifer wanted us to go to TWO. What gives her the right? I went to an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting. It was an enlightening experience but I choose not to share this on the blog and I know you're shocked because what don't I share? God does things for a reason, though, and if you'd like to know more about my experience or 12-Step Meetings in general then shoot me an email at invrtdreflection@gmail.com.

After the meeting, I wandered like two seconds in the area and spotted both a Chipotle and a Five Guys. I'd already seen the Smoothie King before the meeting and grabbed on as I hadn't had Smoothie King since I lived in ATL. What really got my attention was the Hair Cuttery. I'd been wanting to clip my ends for a while. I went and was pleasantly surprised at the shop full of Black stylists in this particular area. More about this experience can be read over on my beauty blog: Pigmented Pretty. Also, check back there for an update on my new hair color COMING SOON. Count on me to remind folks of that.

I wasn't scheduled to work until 6 but my job, The Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, was having it's annual open house with FREE performances until 7. I got there in time to learn of a Brooklyn-based children's author, Jacqueline Woodson. I attended her reading which was alongside Laurence Yep, another children's author. I loved Woodson's stories and I'll probably be purchasing her work as Christmas gifts for my nieces. After that, I saw Richard Smallwood's concert. I learned that September is Gospel Music Heritage Month. His concert was a tribute to the late Bishop Walter Hawkins. They ended with my favorite "Total Praise" so I was happy. They started like 20 minutes late so I missed most of MTV's America's Best Dance Crew losers Beat Your Feet Kings' performance. When I got there, there were only 4 of the boys and I could have sworn there were more and they had a girl with them. Anyway, they invited kids on the stage and that was a little entertaing and then they were told they weren't allowed to have kids on-stage. Then they did a lackluster finale and it was over. I shook a hand and got ready to go to work. Someone said they ended early, i'd say by about 15 minutes but I didn't need 15 more minutes of that.

Work went well, too. Not too too many stupid questions and the time went by pretty fast considering there weren't many paid performances after the open house was over and the good thing about the Opera is that those folks have likely been there before and know where tf they're going. It's always good when security stops by to chat and that he did. I talk that back, it isn't ALWAYS good but this security guard isn't the one who told me that some women deserve to be raped so, yea.

Today was a good day!

top 10 reasons CB could never get it

T asked that i give my top 10 (i have 9) reasons i'm not into chris brown after my reaction to her interest in him being in Takers. prior to the rihanna stuff, i wasnt feeling the kid (and he is a kid, i dont care what you say). here are the ALL the reasons.

10. he's light-skinned. you know i have a preference for the dark brothers. i dont REALLY discriminate but i hold this against him

9. he looks like a child. he appears so neo-natal to me. i know im only like 3 years older but STILL.

8. that overbite.

7. that whiny octave he insists on singing in is irritating and his speaking voice is not better

6. i dont have any song by him that isnt a collabo. i cant help but think he'd need an assist in the bedroom as well.

5. i'm not totally convinced he wouldnt mind a menage situation that involves another dude. he just seems a little "that way".

4. he hits girls with a closed fist.

3. that samari/top chef suit he wore in his apology video

2. this album cover:

1. i want YOU to tell me the #1 reason this chimunk can't get it. if you are like T and would in fact let him get it, tell me WHY

have you been by my new spot?

some of you are well aware that i have a new home on the web, my blog dedicated to beauty and fashion and the like. i realize that those of you following through email and feeds might not actually come to this site and dont notice my link in the sidebar for Pigmented Pretty. well here's your reminder: if you've been wondering where the fotd's, videos and product reviews went, they're here.

this post was prompted by PJD who told me she'd forgotten. i assume others may have, too. unlike with inverted reflection, i did not schedule a month of posts so what's there is what's there. it might not be a lot but what's on there is worth a look. see you there!

more ashley-isms: remembering the arguments

he said: "why are you so heartless?"

i said: "why are you so selfish? the only feelings you care about are your own..."

i thought: because when something's broken, it's often like not having it at all.

if i were REALLY heartless, we wouldn't have even had that discussion. but anyway, that's as much of that mess i want to revisit. thanks for reading!

the REAL answer

when someone asks "hey, how are you?" how do you normally respond? do you say "terrible. i lost my job, my kids are failing school, my husband and i dont have sex..." or do you simply reply "fine"? no matter what the real answer is to that question, more times than not, the socially acceptable thing is to say "fine".

what about this question: "why are you single?" who hasn't been asked that in some form or another? how do you reply?

today, and today only, i will tell my readers all the answers to that:

1. i am NEEDY- i need regular phone calls. if i tell you im sick, i need you to check on me at least once a day. dont just find out im sick and call me back when you think im not sick anymore depending on what it is. if you dont call (which i prefer), i'd like a "thinking of you" text or email. i require a lot of communication.

2. im not emotionally ready for a relationship- the things i hear-- like the possibility of someone elses child being someone's husband's and the child is 4 weeks older than the wife's child--let me know i couldn't do it. shadiness like his changing response would have me in tears just telling it to my friends, IF i could get the words out. im not emotionally mature in other ways either, i haven't learned to self-soothe for sadness, anger and frustration. when im upset and you're not readily available, i cant handle it.

3. i really dont know how to be in a healthy, meaningful relationship- the few "boyfriends" ive had were emotionally distant in my opinion. maybe that's why i demand so much attention from anyone im dating now. ive been on what i consider 3 real dates in my life. two nights where things went as i would have liked them to go for the most part. each time, i think ive done something to ruin my chances of getting a second date. i wont count the third time so heavy since i didnt care if we went out again.

4. i let dudes get away with stuff- i let stuff build up that dudes do instead of confronting them right away about feeling disrespected. what winds up happening is i come at them with a barrage of accusations of offenses committed and they are sitting confused with the "where is this coming from, crazy bitch" face.

5. i settle- i waste time with dudes who i know arent right for me to begin with thinking "well, it's him or nobody". there are plenty of dudes i can walk away from citing various excuses for why i cant be bothered but there are those who i'm like "but he's cute, maybe i'll change my mind. maybe im being too swift with my decision". there are others who im just like "but he looks like he can fuck" and then we get to talking and i get attached.

6. i have sex with dudes when i shouldn't- while im being honest, i might as well add this to the list

7. i can be a doormat with dudes- really people in general but im working on it

i dont know what else a dude might find unappealing about me. these are just the qualities i find sickening in myself. so there you have my conjecture about why i'm single aside from my normal disinterest in marriage/having a significant other. i can blame others all day long but there are two people in a relationship so i need to account for my role in the failure.

date night- no fireworks

i went on a date with annoying dude from the other night. here's how i got to that point. he texted me saying something like "i knew i shouldnt have left it up to u, u jerk..." which of course i ignored. i guess he realized his error and said that it would be nice if he could get a response so that he could proceed with the plans he'd made for us. i was intrigued by the fact the boy made plans so i replied. he then asked would he be picking me up and i was like get the fuck out of here! plans AND an offer to pick me up? it must be my birthday! i still dealt with him not knowing that pulling up to my house and me running out would never do but he didnt give me too much static. i wanted to know where we were going but he didnt want to tell me. i explained that i live with my parents and they need to know something. he said tell them the movies. i asked if we were in fact going there and he said we could go there, too. he was determined to do what he'd planned.

so what did he have planned? BATTING CAGES! i'd been waiting all summer for other useless person to take me as he volunteered he would after hearing how good a time i had memorial day weekend at the batting cages. that never came to be and im saying, the event only set this boy back $10 but whatever. i didnt know he was paying attention when we briefly spoke about baseball at the party and the fact that i like batting cages.

after we went to ruby tuesday because it was literally touching the movie theater where he purchased tickets before we ate. we saw The Other Guys and it was definitely funnier than i expected so i made a good pick.

during dinner we talked and this boy is not into anything. not really into sports so he doesnt care about football, which i love. and if he had to care, he'd be a redskins fan, which i hate. not a big movie buff. refers to pop songs as "white people music" which is fine but the way he said it was like it wasnt acceptable...i mean i love all kinds of music. im not drake's number 1 fan and it seems like he is...he's very corny and he talks A LOT. he's nice and maybe the fact that he's the opposite of what i typically go for is something i should give a chance but i dont know. plus i was kinda rude to him so who knows if i have a chance?

i had a good time and it was something new/different than im used to. i'll make a final decision if i get a second date.

*update*- there was no second date. some people say i should have never gone on the first one but whatever. i got to go on a date to the batting cages as i'd wanted to do. next, i want a date to take me to the gun range. i won't die if i dont get that but it seems like it would be fun!

a counselor's tips for living life

T asked that i give my perspective as new counselor on how one can get the most out of life, or at least that's how i interpretted it. here we go. im giving brief rundowns of whatever concepts come to mind so if clarification is needed, leave me a comment. also, i should say these are my opinions and interpretations of material covered in my master's program and not necessarily that of my master's program/instructors. this is pretty broad so i welcome specific questions. i'll try to keep this short.

1. remember there is no set formula: people come from all kinds of home situations. people from backgrounds you could not imagine go on to be wildly successful, something we discuss and term "resilience". others, from intact families can be the world's biggest fuck ups. dwelling on the cards you were dealt is one of some people's biggest hinderances.

2. strive for balance: i guess i'll stick to the family example. there are over-involved, high expressing of emotion or "enmeshed" families (you love how i'm giving you counselor terms that are regular words you can use everyday). then, there are distant families. again, great people can come from either but for best results, it appears that those who come from families with instilled values but respect for difference fair better than most other family types.

3. look for patterns: most often we see patterns from our family of origin play out in every other aspect of our lives. for example, someone can treat their boss like their mother and their spouse like their child. you may not think the genogram your family therapist asks you to complete with him/her is the best use of your time but it's the best use of your therapist's time and will bring to light many things you never noticed or considered. it exposes patterns of mental and physical illness as well as relational patterns and opens up the conversation of where you might see the relationship between your mom and her estranged in your own life. once you recognize patterns, determine what they are doing for you or what purpose they are no longer serving and why they're a problem. then do something about them.

4. dysfuntional behavior was functional at some point: whatever is causing arguments between you and loved ones was once something you all needed to be happening. when something is no longer working, find out how your needs have changed. Is there a new addition to the family so you no longer need the now second youngest to be so needy to distract you from issues in your marriage? Is your previously unemployed boyfriend now getting job offers taking him away from the house and leaving you with no one to take care of, which you need to do because you've always taken care of SOMEONE in your life?

5. being a teenager sucks: that's really all i have to say. no, but seriously there are a lot of issues during this time because it's often considered the period of life marked with the most change. almost as difficult is "emerging adulthood" which is just an extension of adolescents that some researchers say extends into the 30s. the adolescent period of previous generations has been extended to account for further education and delays in starting families. for adolescents and emerging adults, the most helpful thing seems to be recognizing that one is not alone so talking about things is key. sounds easier than it is.